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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Giving birth alone

23 replies

lollipop7 · 27/07/2017 22:58

Can I as, anyone if they have given birth alone following a split from baby's father?

I am coming up to 25 weeks with my our third baby but i have sadly left my children's father as he is emotionally abusing me and I can't take anymore.
I am at my mothers and transferred my antenatal care here as legal matters et CEO to be resolved before he is born.

I don't really have anyone to be with me at his birth, my mother will be looking after my children. I thought of asking my sister but she has a young family herself and doesn't live near our mother so I'm not certain she could or would do it.

My head is all over the place but this is really worrying me. I feel so sad and unhappy as it is and the thought I will have nobody by my side when he comes into the world is breaking my heart.

If anyone has been through this and has some positive tales to tell that would really help me as I'm struggling.

OP posts:

BasedOnTrueEvents · 27/07/2017 23:02

Have you looked at having a doula? They are professionals who provide support to women in labour. Many will offer their services at a reduced rate if you are on a low income as well.

Icewindfire98 · 27/07/2017 23:04

I know this might seem awful but my first thought is surely your ex-p should be there as it's his child too? Obviously you've every right to make him sit outside and wait until it's arrived but still there would be someone at the hospital.
My second thought was friends. In your situation I would take a close friend with me - who to be honest would likely be much more use than a bloke anyway.

GreenTulips · 27/07/2017 23:06

Or you could ask friends in FB? Lots of mine would love to have witnessed a birth and I'd be happy to support a friend - it's quite an experience really - any other family

Duskybluebell · 28/07/2017 06:43

I've looked after women alone plenty of times. Sometimes it's a childcare issue, sometimes there isn't anyone. It can be a blessed relief as some birth partners are really not supportive or need more support/attention than the mum.
You could ask your mw if there are any students needing case loading experience? I believe all students are meant to do this and it means coming with you to appts where possible and then also for the birth. It is good experience for them as they see a bigger picture that way and means you would have a familiar face (but probably depends where you are and when you're due whether one would be available).

WiganPierre · 28/07/2017 06:49

I would ask your sister. She might say yes. Or a friend; I don't think many women would turn down a request to support someone through childbirth.

mimiholls · 28/07/2017 07:35

Please ignore the person who suggested having your abusive ex p there. I would second the idea of a doula if you can afford it.

Original poster

lollipop7 · 28/07/2017 12:38

I can't face having my ex there it will be too painful. More importantly the fact he's put me through hell its a privilege he quite frankly doesn't deserve.

I think I will ask a close friend that lives quite nearby and has children herself. She is aware of what's going on and is someone I've been close to for a long time. My sister is annoyed I'm at my mums and doesn't even return my text messages so I don't think that will work sadly.

It's the worst time of my life.

OP posts:

Migraleve · 28/07/2017 12:42

I was alone when I had my first, through choice and out of all 4 I felt the least stress and pressure at the birth of the first as I didn't have to think about anyone else. It may not be ideal but try and find a positive spin for it

sparklybuttired · 28/07/2017 18:58

How awful for you I was with my sister when my niece and nephew was born it was such a wonderful thing. Please reach out for help if you were my friend I'd be honeyed to be by your side x

Bossybessy · 28/07/2017 19:00

I thought of a doula too. They can be so supportive and lovely, a great birth partner. Some can help postnatally, too.

Bossybessy · 28/07/2017 19:01

(And I agree that your emotionally abusive ex should NOT be invited!!!)

Lj8893 · 28/07/2017 19:04

The student caseloading idea is great, and something that any women can benefit from. However, once giving birth the student will be doing all the midwifery duties and so won't be able to give the same sort of support a birth partner can. Drinks, hand holding, massage, chat etc etc. Definitely something to think about though.

I think asking your friend would be a good idea, she sounds like she would be a good support.

Lj8893 · 28/07/2017 19:05

Ps. Not a chance should you ex have any entitlement to be at the birth! Even a nice, loving partner doesn't have any entitlement.

NannyR · 28/07/2017 19:10

I'm not sure if this is a nationwide scheme, but in the city where I live we have a volunteer doula project that would help out in these circumstances and until six weeks after the birth if you needed it. Might be worth seeing if it's available in your area.

ConConstance · 28/07/2017 19:14

I gave birth to my DD on my own. The midwife and student doctor I had in the room where incredibly supportive.

I'm here if you need to talk.

Frazzled2207 · 28/07/2017 19:15

I think most female friends would be honoured to be asked.
I thought a lot about this, not a lp but dp had to look after elder ds when dc2 was born. In the end we managed to organise childcare but I expected to be on my own and the midwives were so kind, I honestly think it would have been ok. Dp was more helpful holding the baby the following day so that I could have a rest.

BastardBernie · 28/07/2017 19:23

I think you'll do fine
Take stocks of drinks and light snacks and think of the new beginnings that are coming to your life. You are a strong, independent woman who has the resilience to get thru this difficult chapter of your life.

Sittinginthesun · 28/07/2017 19:28

I took a friend (squeamish DH was left to look after DS1 with everyone's mutual consent!). It was lovely. A bit like a big night out, with a baby at the end. I honestly haven't laughed so much in my life.

ASqueakingInTheShrubbery · 28/07/2017 19:33

I was on my own, as things suddenly moved faster than anticipated. It was fine. I would have appreciated some support in the part where it was really painful but not imminent, but I managed, and the birth itself was in some ways easier as I didn't have to think of anyone else. The midwife who delivered DD was just lovely. If I ever did it again I would be OK to do it by myself on purpose.

Original poster

lollipop7 · 30/07/2017 13:11

Well I've been gone for three days and my sister hasn't even texted me to see how the three soon to be four of us are. She did however rebuke my mother over the telephone and remind her she has two other grandchildren.
I don't see that I could ask her she seems to be so angry with me.
I will ask my friend, I think.

Thank You for all your kind words it's funny how people who don't know you from Adam seem to care a lot more about you than your own sibling.

OP posts:

Sluttybartfast · 30/07/2017 14:32

I'd certainly do it for a friend and feel honoured to be asked. I hope you find the right solution for you

GreenTulips · 30/07/2017 14:51

A friend asked me - her DH was away and was unlikely to make it back - a long labour ensured he was home in time - however I was happy to be on standby if needed

imen33eastlondondoula · 09/08/2017 23:37

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