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Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Parents present for birth?

12 replies

MurrayMoo · 12/07/2017 22:52

This is probably completely the wrong forum but I can't find one that works and I'm so tired and upset.

I'm due in a few months. My parents live abroad. I had told them that I would text when I go into labour and they could come visit after that. Thought it was agreed.
My husband and I want to do the birth just us. My husband is also very quiet and likes his own space/an introvert. And we want to spend time together before the birth etc.

Spoke to my parents tonight and my mum had taken 3 weeks off work and booked flights to come over, arriving 4 days before due date.

I don't want to upset her or my husband and just want everything to go smoothly and everyone to be happy. But now I'm upset, I can tell my husband isn't happy and I don't want to upset my mum. I just don't know what to do????
Please does anyone have any advice? Anyone been in a similar position?
I'm so emotional and now I feel alone like I have to try and fix it all I don't know what to do :(

Sorry for the long post

OP posts:
Justhadmyhaircut · 12/07/2017 22:53

Hi dm after discussing things with dh we have decided to stick to the original plans. . Will def let you know when labour begins and see you when you get here. . Will take lots of pics and send them ASAP.

BlueKarou · 12/07/2017 22:56

Can you insist suggest your parents book into a hotel? Because obviously the house is a mess with baby things, or you'll be in 'nesting mode' or you want someone to get some sleep once baby's here, or that it's quite likely you'll go far overdue and they'll have spent most of their time off with no baby to coo over. Whatever reasoning works (the truth is probably best, if you can be that blunt with them)

My mum desperately wanted to be in the hospital with me (no partner/husband) and I had to quite firmly tell her I would be doing it on my own. I figure the one having the baby gets to call all the shots!

MrsChopper · 12/07/2017 22:56

Stick with your original plan. You need to talk to your parents asap. Tell them exactly how you feel and be firm on this. This is a precious time for you and your DH. Whilst it's also special for the grandparents it is not your job to please them. Tell them to change the flights and don't let them guilt trip you, this is not about them!

Extua · 13/07/2017 08:06

I agree, stick to your original plan. I know you don't want you upset your parents but you need to be as relaxed as possible in labour and if your mum is around it sounds like there will be tension which won't be good.
I found it so special being just my and OH bringing our children into the world and couldn't imagine having anyone else there. You and your husband are the most important people in this situation. Stand firm.

Sparrowlegs248 · 13/07/2017 08:11

I went 9 days over with my second child, many people go longer, so it's silly for them to come before your due sate if they want maximum time with the baby.

Can they change the flights? I think you need to say, kindly, to your mum that this isn't what you agreed and you'd like her to change the plans.

Sukitakeitoff · 13/07/2017 08:11

Maybe remind her that first babies are frequently overdue and she could end up waiting for 2 weeks for the baby to be born and then having to go back home a week later - far better to come after the baby's born.

Joinourclub · 13/07/2017 08:13

Don't put it off any longer. Text your mum to tell her that you and DH need the time before your due date alone and that they are welcome to stay once the baby is born. If they want to come over earlier then perhaps they can stay with Aunt Sally/cousin Jenny/grandpa Bob/hotel. Your looking forward to seeing them, but after the baby is born , not before or during!

FuckyDuck · 13/07/2017 08:33

They need to be in a hotel. It's so selfish of them to impose on you and it's time you'll NEVER get back.

Original poster
MurrayMoo · 14/07/2017 13:54

Thank you so much everyone! Appreciate the advice and words of support so much! I've taken your advice and been honest with my mum. I sent her a message and she said she was glad I had told her so she can cancel her flights/plans 😩 I still feel very guilty but also relieved that I've been honest and stuck to what I/we want. Like you said I think it's a special time (possible the only time) that we'll go through it and want it to just be my husband and I.

Will be skyping my mum tonight so will get a better gage on how/if she's upset.

Thanks again so much xx

OP posts:
Sukitakeitoff · 14/07/2017 14:04

Glad she took it well (hopefully!)

ljny · 14/07/2017 14:07

I sent her a message and she said she was glad I had told her so she can cancel her flights/plans

Brilliant. No need to feel guilty (and I say that as a gran of four).

Please don't undo this great outcome by 'trying to gauge if she's upset'. It's so easy to get signals crossed from afar.

Only skype to catch up - not to check if she's upset. You have a great outcome, don't undo it or confuse her!

Smurfsrock · 15/07/2017 20:39

Urghhh we had same situation with my first. Parents wanted to come over on my due date and pretty much made all the plans without telling me. I refused and they came over 7w later in the end which was much better. We were settled and over the shock of it all

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