. . .on 19th february. i gave birth to our second daughter, Ruby Isobel Andi (8lb 2oz) . . . on our kitchen floor!!
it all started quite calmly, having mild contractions, i was pottering about cleaning the bathroom, loading the dishwasher, getting the hospital bags ready. told dh not to rush home as plenty of time. about 12 o'clock i called mum to ask her to watch my Ebay for me and POP! - my waters break.
can't get hold of dh on his bloody useless work phone so get mum to keep trying him while i call medicom at the hospital (norfolk and norwich university hospital). it's about 12.30 now. i am helpfully told by the maternity ward that the delivery suite is CLOSED and i have to call back at 1.45!!
having really strong contractions now and need to push. begin to panic, back on phone to mum - she informs me 'to call a bloody ambulance or you'll have that baby on the floor'
i'm in proper labour now and mum is taking the full brunt of it down the phone. i call the ambulance, all i can manage to do now is crawl to the front door to open it and back to the kitchen.
i'm laid on a towel out of the laundry basket and a pack of pampers under my head thinking - this is not what i had intended! and where is that bloody ambulance?
my 18month old Maisie now wakes up from her nap and sees me laid out on floor so she starts screaming, i'm screaming, i've done a poo (mortified!) and the bloody baby is there - i can feel it!!!! ohmigod!!!
feeling very frightened, two visions in green appear - thank god.
i have over estimated the progression of the labour, he tells me not to push as i am only 1cm dilated. then he tells me the placenta is coming out before the baby (ohmigod) his mate has a look as says 'oh no, it's the vaginal wall coming out' (double ohmigod!! - give me a suck on that gas!!)
then literally two minutes later he says, 'i can see the head - push with all you've got next time'
so i did - and our beautiful little Ruby arrived at 1.50pm.
the midwife arrives to deliver the placenta, then she picks me up off the kitchen floor and escorts me to the lounge to the sofa. the makeshift nappy she has fashioned for me is totally useless and i end up with a beige carpet with an 8 foot blood stain across it. 'ooh dear - sorry about that' she goes.
funnily enough we now have a new carpet!
then a couple of days later, i have my first bowel movement. i notice i have a little peanut sized lump on my bottom - i tell mw and she informs me 'it's a pile - get some cream'. which i do and dutifully apply! after the fourth day of applying the cream this thing has swollen to the size of a grape and i'm in agony! i think hmmm, it's not doing what is says on the tin, so off i go down to the doctors - he says it's not a pile, it's a skin tag - DON'T PUT ANY CREAM ON IT!!!!!
i have no idea what a skin tag is and by the time i'd bent over for the doctor to look and had his finger up my bum i was too mortified to ask so if anyone else does i'd be most grateful to know.
it was all worth it in the end and our little Ruby is perfect.
x x x x