Don't write off these avenues though. Can I ask why you have a problem with them at the moment?
What exactly is your fear and what exactly is your reason for a CS?
Fear comes in all shapes and forms and the better you can break it down and articulate it to someone else the better your chance on being able to get a CS.
If you can't answer the question, you will not get further in the system, because the system is about establishing these and then finding solutions to those fears.
They need to establish whether your expectations and reasons are correct and to inform you if you are not.
This is why I say, not to immediately write off the avenues you are being offered. They may help you articulate this in a way that is more constructive.
In saying you don't want to engage with these avenues, you should be able to articulate why you don't want to engage and why you should be able to bypass them.
I know this isn't an easy thing to do and isn't necessarily what you want to hear, but it comes back to establishing the answer to the question 'why?', which is what Health Care Professionals want to hear and want to answer.
You can do this by writing it all down if you don't feel you can talk about it easily or feel you can't stand up to their scrutiny. Pre-empt what you fear they will do/say.
Make it clear the extent to which this is making you anxious and is affecting your mental health. If the thought of going through the process is part of that, make a note of that and explain that.
The more information you can give, the more it puts the emphasis on others to help you in a way that suits you best.
You also need to give your partner a great big kick up the backside with this. If you can't fully explain it to them, and get them on board to be able to advocate for you when you feel overwhelmed by the situation then you have lost your best ally.
However, I do think its worth taking up the offers you have so far, to demonstrate you are willing to engage. You do not have to change your mind in doing this. Its a ball ache but it does show you are taking advice seriously. I would go prepared to anything you do go, armed with everything you think and feel written down.
This is all about building a case about why the most appropriate care for you is a CS. You have a right to this. You don't have a right to a CS. Learn the difference and it will help you navigate the system.
The NICE guidelines on mental health and pregnancy are framed in a way that you are entitled to help and support about any concerns and worries BEFORE you conceive. You can in theory use these in conjunction with the NICE guidelines on CS which do allow a CS on the grounds of mental health.
But this does rest on you doing your homework and understanding these guidelines and what your rights are, and what they are not.
There is another approach you can take with this, and that is to try and find a nearby hospital which has good maternal mental health clinics within the maternity department. This is easier said that done and involves trawling through crappy hospital websites to find out whether they have these facilities. You are looking for some sort of maternity mental health midwife or consultant.
You can write to them and try and get a self referral or try and go though your GP. However you might well find this might be who your GP is trying to refer you to anyway.
If you can find somewhere that advocates women centred care rather than boasts about their low CS rate you are generally on the right track.
I have been through this process. I looked at private alternatives and found that they were simply not possible as they were unaffordable for me and I don't live in the right place in the country. (There are very few places that offer private maternity).
In the end I did get a referral through my GP after finding somewhere appropriate myself as my GP just didn't have the knowledge and said quite bluntly that I was better informed than her and that she would simply support me in going down that route. But I could have self referred.
I will say this for my experience: whilst I was never going to change my mind, I can see how the support I was given would help other women with different fears be able to address them and go on to have a natural birth, because they simply LISTENED to what you said. That surprised me, as I had been convinced that the process would be about getting me to change my mind. It wasn't.
The whole process of wanting a child, doing my research, seeing someone, getting support, getting a care plan in place and then getting pregnant was a lengthy one. The part where I was trying to articulate my fear took several years to get to grips with - it took a long time to get through the 'why' of wanting a CS. Its not an easy process.
From what you've said, you sound still in the early part of that. When I did it, I was very much alone and I do think things have changed and moved on since then. You might find that these services are exactly the thing I needed but they didn't exist.
If you have time on your side, take it. This isn't a race to get pregnant. Your needs are different to other people's but they are not unique either. Work through it as you feel able.