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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

What happens to sibling during labour

31 replies

BeyondHope · 11/06/2017 10:13

I am currently pregnant with DC2. I have a DS who will be 3.5 years old when this baby arrives. He was born very very quickly by emergency c section. Waters went at home and less than an hour and a half later he was here. I had corp prolapse and he was premature.

I have been told that due to several factors this pregnancy will also likely be section and also premature. So my question is, if it all kicks off into an emergency situation at home again and we have to get to the hospital quickly then what happens with my DS? We moved area about a year ago and now live about 50 miles from our parents. So we would obviously call them when it all happens but might not be able to wait at home for them to get here.

Would I go into theatre on my own while DH and DS wait outside? Would someone look after DS while my DH came in? I know that's unlikely. I don't know anyone local well enough to ask to step in and have DS for a couple of hours when the time comes while my parents make their way to us. Other than having parents live with us for the last few months I don't know what we can do.

Has anyone been in this situation? Surely it's quite common?

OP posts:
GailLondon · 11/06/2017 10:19

It's unlikely there would be anyone spare at the hospital to look after your son so I'd prepare yourself for going into theatre alone if you have to take him to hospital with you.
I'd start making plans for a few local people as emergency back ups now while you can. Does your son go to any nursery or playgroups? Who are his friends? You could ask some of his friends parents to help out, I know I'd be delighted to help out another mum from nursery, even if I didn't know them very well!

Parker231 · 11/06/2017 10:23

One of the other mums from nursery is a good starting place. If not your DH would need to stay at home with your DS and come to the hospital later.

EdithWeston · 11/06/2017 10:23

You need to ask people who you don't know that well, but who are local and who seem like normal parents with DC your DS knows.

Most people are helpful, and this is the sort of favour that people will say 'yes' to - indeed might be sneakily pleased to be asked. Anyone at all from your DS's playgroup/nursery/activity group?

Original poster
BeyondHope · 11/06/2017 10:28

Thanks Gail. He does go to nursery and has a few close friends there but I have never met their parents. I have a couple of mum friends here but we only really chat when we meet up for play dates so not sure I would feel comfortable asking. It happened in the middle of the night with DS so that would make it even harder to ask someone I barely know.

OP posts:
MiriAmmerman · 11/06/2017 10:32

What are your neighbours like?

DP and I don't have any children; a few years ago we moved in next door to a couple with a 3 yo. We didn't get to know them particularly well but they seemed nice - we had quick, friendly chats on the driveway or over the garden fence iyswim. Anyway, The woman was pregnant again and towards the end she told us that her parents were due to have DC1 when she went into labour but that they lived 200 miles away, and asked if we could go round and look after the DC if things happened quickly. Didn't happen in the end (long, slow labour) but I was incredibly flattered to be asked.

Don't be shy OP - people love to help.

Purplepicnic · 11/06/2017 10:35

Could you work the problem into conversation with neighbours and play date mums and see if someone offers?

Anditstartsagain · 11/06/2017 10:36

I would ask your friends I can't imagine anyone saying no.

YoullNeverWeeAlone · 11/06/2017 10:36

If you don't want to ask outright, explain how you are concerned about your parents not being able to get there quickly enough and having to go into theatre alone to those you know best and see if they offer to help. I would in those circumstances.

(But if they don't offer, it'll be harder to outright ask later, so do bear this in mind)

Mylittlestsunshine · 11/06/2017 10:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyCalmX · 11/06/2017 10:37

We took the assumption when it really got started dd1 and dh would leave. I didn't really want to be on my own after a horrendous experience with dd1 but we had no other option.

In the end dd1 stayed as was able to sit outside my room in front of the mw station and dh went between us. It worked out well.

MyCalmX · 11/06/2017 10:37

Should say dd1 was 4.5 and is really well behaved so was no problem.

NerrSnerr · 11/06/2017 10:38

My son was an emergency C section early. We had no time to sort childcare so my husband stayed at home with my daughter. It was fine.

Original poster
BeyondHope · 11/06/2017 10:38

Thanks for all the advice. There is a lovely couple we could ask. DH works with the husband and we have been over to their house a couple of times since we moved. They also have 3 young boys themselves and have always said if we need anything they are happy to help. (They don't know I am pregnant).

My worry is that they both work so if it happens in the day then they wouldn't be around and if it happens at night I would feel so bad asking.

As Miri suggested we have a couple next door. In their 60's and they have young grandchildren. Maybe I need to start putting the feelers out soon. I'm only 16 weeks at the moment so have a bit of time.

OP posts:
Original poster
BeyondHope · 11/06/2017 10:42

To the ladies whose husbands stayed at home with children, how did you get to hospital?

OP posts:
Weebittymarchpane · 11/06/2017 10:44

We had friends in the area that offered but when it came to it we took dd to the hospital, an hour away, and my dad drove two and a half hours to pick her up. I went in myself and Dh waited in the car with dd. He got in after about 90 mins and ds arrived an hour later. It was fine. You don't really need your dh all the time as you are concentrating on the contractions.
I didn't want to dump my dd on any friends as I was worried about her being unsettled even if my dad arrived soon after. I put her need before my need to have dh.
I also got no warning and went from no pain to contacting every three mins. I dilate very quickly and was 7cm by the time we got there. You might hopefully get a bit more warning!

GwendolynMary · 11/06/2017 10:45

I was in your shoes. I saw the same family each week at toddler dancing and it turned out our boys were at daycare together. As I got bigger and it became apparent DD was breech and stuck, the lovely Mum offered to have DS if I needed to get to hospital quickly. She also had no family nearby and said we out-of-towners had to stick together. I was thankful but certain that I couldn't really ask her, too much too soon.

Sure enough, my waters broke at 415am and after calling twice, her husband poked her awake, pointing out it was probably me. We dropped DS to her at 5am and DD was born by CS at 6am. DH picked DS up after lunch and left them a bottle of very fancy bubbles to say thanks. And now, we are really great mates, even though our boys have grown apart. Love her to bits!

Wishing you a non-eventful pregnancy and birth. Flowers

drinkingtea · 11/06/2017 10:51

Build up a network of 4 or so separate options. Spend the next month or two getting to know the potential helpers a little bit better and ask at about 24 weeks. As others say people love to be asked.

Long ago I used to be a child minder and was asked by a mum I knew from toddlers group whether I'd be an emergency back up option if things went fast and the grandparents couldn't get there in time - I didn't mind for her but her DC knew me. I was flattered and happy to say yes, although in the end wasn't needed.

GailLondon · 11/06/2017 10:56

Oh that's good that you have some time.

Yes it's hard to ask direct favours of people, I hate it too! Good plan as previously suggested to drop it into conversation "oh I don't know what I'm going to with ds!" and you may well get a couple of offers

NerrSnerr · 11/06/2017 11:14

I was already in hospital being monitored anyway so getting there wasn't an issue. If needed we'd have put our daughter in the car and them drop me off.

Original poster
BeyondHope · 11/06/2017 11:25

Thanks for all the advice. I will start to drop it into conversation over the next couple of months and then take it from there!

OP posts:
Cel982 · 11/06/2017 11:39

I was in the same situation recently, OP (except in our case all family were a plane ride away, so not an option at all). I was nervous about asking anyone as it could potentially be a middle of the night disturbance, but when I did finally broach it with a friend she was more than happy to help. And between then and the birth several other friends and neighbours offered to help out if we were stuck.
People do like to be asked for this sort of once-off thing, it's flattering to be trusted with someone else's child.

MiaowTheCat · 11/06/2017 11:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeepBeepMOVE · 11/06/2017 11:53

You can get a taxi to hospital.

MyCalmX · 11/06/2017 12:20

I took a taxi with dd1. West London traffic at 6pm was pretty bad and the taxi driver kept ranting at me that I should have called an ambulance Hmm

We were tossing up whether to get out and take the bus but I couldn't face a busload of people giving out to me.

We bought a car before I was due with dd2.

elliejjtiny · 19/06/2017 16:12

I had DS5 in similar circumstances. I phoned DH at work, threw last minute things in my suitcase, phone, charger etc. Older 2 boys were at school but younger 2 were 1 and 3 so they came with us. DH called PIL from the hospital and they came and picked our younger 2 up.

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