Can't stop thinking about birth, and more kids...

[whatwho]

Had my second child 3 months ago, and had a very traumatic (physically, emotionally I seem to be OK about it) experience - placental abruption, lost 3 litres of blood, had to have emergency c/s under general, blood transfusion 3 days later. We nearly died I think, but are both fine thanks to wonderful hosptial staff.

However... now I can't stop thinking about whether I will ever have more children. I know I don't have to decide yet, but it still occupies my thoughts a lot. I would love more, and if I don't have them will probably always regret it, BUT I've got two lovely kids, one boy one girl and is it really worth the risk of having another? Would really appreciate some perspective!

My sister-in-law had a placenta abruption but not the same sort of pph that you did and she ahd another child.
You can contact your midwife and ask her to go through your notes...

Hi Whatwho, take your time, it's still early days and you should let things heal a bit. If you feel like talking about it and trying to get support, I'm sure that there are organisations (LuluMama might be able to give you some names/numbers) who can help deal with the trauma. I really feel for you. I'm sure you will never forget what happened, but things might settle down with time. How are you bonding with your baby?

Even though the birth was traumatic, I seem to be OK with it, largely I think because of the support recieved in hospital. No problems bonding with dd (even though breastfeeding was a nightmare, and resulted in mastitis twice, and breast abcess twice!). I am actually very happy, just very conflicted about the more kids thing. In very bald terms, I am desperate for more kids, but terrified that I will die in childbirth.

that's terrible. I also think about that, I am pregnant with second baby and DS is 16 months old, and I was holding him this morning and thinking 'what if I die?' it doesn't help that someone close to me just died of cancer...

I don't know if it's a common feeling but I do think about the chances of dying in childbirth. I travelled a lot in Central America where it is still very common to die because of problems that are not an issue here. Maybe if you still feel that way a bit further down the line you could discuss this iwth your GP and get councelling? I'd say try not to put too much pressure on yourself. You have those feelings, don't try to deny them, and enjoy your baby.

Take care

i think, deep down, you feel relieved you had a lucky escape. could it be some sort of healing process that your thoughts are going through? you don't need to decide anything right now.

Funily enough, I was talking about this with a friend yesterday who also has two kids. She had two uncomplicated home births, and would be very low risk for another child. However, she has exactly the same fears of the possible consequences as I.

Conversely, saw another friend who was due to have her second last weekend walking along the road with her toddler, just the two of them. She seemed very chilled, but my first thought was along the lines of "Oh my God, what if something happens, she is miles from the hospital and all on her own, I hope she has her mobile!"

I guess my point is that we generally don't think people will be at risk from childbearing, so when something does go wrong, it is an enormous shock.

Sorry, should read funnily

hi - sorry to hear that you have had such a terrifying time

can't do links as on laptop tonight, but can do them tomorrow when back on main computer

google Birth trauma association and Sheila Kitzinger's birth crisis.....they are both excellent support for women suffering after traumatic birth

3 months is early days to think about more children, but it sounds like it is more of an unanswered/unanswerable question, IFYSWIM...things will change daily, weekly, monthly until you come to terms to what happened to you ...and then you will reach a place where you are healed and can make a decision.....

definitely go through your notes with a midwife at the hospital, they might have someone who specialises in this and this might help to clarify things...

hi - sorry to hear that you have had such a terrifying time

can't do links as on laptop tonight, but can do them tomorrow when back on main computer

google Birth trauma association and Sheila Kitzinger's birth crisis.....they are both excellent support for women suffering after traumatic birth

3 months is early days to think about more children, but it sounds like it is more of an unanswered/unanswerable question, IFYSWIM...things will change daily, weekly, monthly until you come to terms to what happened to you ...and then you will reach a place where you are healed and can make a decision.....

definitely go through your notes with a midwife at the hospital, they might have someone who specialises in this and this might help to clarify things...

I am pg and have similar feelings - I had very little fear with my 1st pg and was looking forward to giving birth! After I had given birth to ds the dr (forceps delivery) said who ever our god is we should thank him for the successful outcome and the midwife said 100 years ago we both may have died - I cant let go of that. Thing is thankfully we live now not 100 years ago. You should def go through things with a dr and clear your head before you become pg again because your fears and emotions would come to the surface then as mine are now. But if you love children and deep down know you want more then it sounds like you would be in good hands with your hospital.

sheila kitzinger's birth crisis

and

birth trauma association