Anyone had a traumatic birth followed by one that went well?

[User24689]

I had my DD 20 months ago and I'm due number 2 in November.

I was induced with DD at 40+9. I went into labour the day induction was scheduled but they told me I had to be induced anyway. I went on the Syntocinon drip. I didn't fear labour at all but soon after it started I found myself unable to cope with the pain. I was vomiting and begged for pain relief after an hour but the midwife kept telling me it was too early for pain relief and I could do it without. She eventually brought me a hot water bottle. I had to labour on my back as I was strapped to monitors (she was concerned about baby's heart rate). After 3 hours she left as her shift ended and told me she would be back at 9pm to deliver my baby. She had given me gas and air but not told me how to use it so it was completely ineffective ( I didn't realise there was a certain way of using it) It was only 12pm at this point and the thought of doing 9 hours in that state was enough to completely break me down! When the next midwife came on shift, I had tried to wheel my drip down the hall to go to the toilet but got stuck in the hall because there wasn't any break between contractions and I was just clinging to the wall screaming. She examined me and I was fully dilated. She was cross because the first mw had told her I had 'ages' to go. I ended up begging for an epidural and being told it was too late, was given a shot of morphine which made me so out of it I can't remember much of DD being born but I do remember that I had to lie on one side with a mw holding one of my legs in the air while an obstetrian tried to free DD who was stuck.

The bit that has always stayed with me is the horrible first mw came back at 9pm when I was on the ward and said "hope you aren't too traumatised - I think the rest of the staff are traumatised by how much screaming you did." It made me feel like I had just completely failed at labour and been useless and they all thought I'd been a pain in the arse.

I'm due again in November and it's all I can think about. I know I don't want to go on that drip again and plan to refuse it in advance. But im so worried that maybe I just can't cope with labour and, if so, how can I make sure that I get the pain relief I need? Was I just not assertive enough? Has anyone had a second labour that was ok after an awful first birth?

My first was horrendous, back to back labour so I felt it in my back. They didn't listen and I didn't know how to assert myself.

Second labour it was like my body 'remembered' and I knew exactly what I wanted and made sure my wants were transmitted the way I wanted them via the ex. Much better and calm (no back to back neither which was a million times better)

The third was an induction and I practically enjoyed myself. Old hand by then.

Write down what you want and go over it with your birthing partner. They are the ones who can do your asserting for you. There's nothing to say your labour will be like the first one.

Yes, me. I won't bore you with all the details but the only thing I didn't have was a c-section. Labour started Sun pm at 4.07pm, she was born Tuesday 1.10am.

So when my 2nd labour started I didn't ring anyone. I vaguely wondered about making up a spare bed for someone. I'd been to a wedding in the am and DH (at the time) had popped out to Jewsons.

My DSis called round unexpectedly, took one look at me and told me to go to hospital. We made it with 25 minutes to spare with DH driving like a madman for the 25 mile car journey. 4 hour labour from start to finish. No complications, no gas or air or anything (childhood memories of dentist's gas!).

No 2 births are the same OP. Stuff what anyone else thinks. It's your baby and your pain. Best wishes for when it happens and try not to worry too much. It will be a completely different experience, honestly.

Yes - I did .

First - labour from Wednesday to Saturday, cord entanglement, sick on gas and air, had pethidine and epidural, ended up with double episiotomy and forceps delivery (admit they should have done ECS earlier) and ended up having 3 operations after birth to correct incorrect stitching of the double episiotomy. (baby had large head but was only 7lb10)

I was so scared to have my second and asked for a C Section but the consultant said there was no medical reason to have major surgery. He was prepared to induce me early though.

2nd : I ended up with a lovely natural birth using just gas and air, and no stitches at all! They induced me on the Saturday but the contractions stopped and they were very busy so it was Sunday evening before they took me down to have my waters broken and baby arrived early Monday morning.

That first midwife sounds like an arse OP.

The first midwife sounds dreadful, it shouldn't be underestimated the damage a shit midwife can cause. My youngest was born after a protracted painful labour with a midwife who's attitude stank the entire time and left me in absolute bits.

That said, my first two labours were totally different and good midwives make all the difference. No two labours are the same OP, and if you get a midwife who is a bitch (unlikely thankfully since most are good) just demand another, because it affected you so badly last time. Oh and congratulations x

Yes. My first was awful - both me and DD had contracted an infection, she was pooing so much that meconium was dripping down my legs, she had the cord wrapped twice round her neck and I ended up with an epidural, episiotomy and vontouse delivery. All horrendous. Baby in NICU for a week afterwards. DS was born in the birthing pool with just gas and air and no other intervention. Still hurt like hell mind! All babies and pregnancies are different and so are labours. Good luck OP - try not to worry too much.

Yes I did. I think it is the most common pattern amongst mums I know - crap first birth and much better second time around

Physically your body is much more efficient at giving birth, you are more assertive in making your views known, and the midwives respect you more as a second timer, ime.

Yes first was awful - very awful. Mainly due to not being listened to and ignored which then led to more issues My second was lovely, very healing and I felt very supported. It was a lovely water birth. I saw the chief midwife in between and she looked into it - made such a different to feel listened to

I only have dd so can't comment on my personal experience, but my mum had a difficult labour with me, it was very long and she had to have an epidural, forceps and an episiotomy and it was very long compared to when she had my DB 4 years later and she was only in labour 3 hours and just had gas and air. She also had loads of medical students watching with me, and apparently they were wearing wellies because of the mess!

Hopefully this time around your body will be better prepared after doing it before already. Good luck!

Yes, DC1 was horrendous and traumatic, they nearly died. I was high as a kite so struggled to follow instructions and ended up with an assisted emergency delivery.
DC2 was a dream. In hospital for an hour and a half before I gave birth with just a bit of gas and air before being fully dilated and the second they arrived I said "I'd do that again in a heartbeat". changed my mind when my legs were in stirrups and she was wielding a large syringe towards my nethers for the stitches

I had 2 very different experiences. 9 days overdue when my waters went, labour did not follow naturally so induced and had an early epidural. Labour progressed but head got stuck and ended up with emergency c-section.

Second, over again. Refused induction and sweeps - happy for nature to take its course unless there was a medical reason to intervene. Had a lovely birth plan, labour started naturally and had a lovely midwife/ Had to be monitored due to previous section but in 2 hours, with only gas and air gave birth to DD. Had some tearing but it was such a different experience.

Yep. First was a very long labour, 8hrs of pushing, attempted ventouse, attempted manual rotation, emcs with forceps, hemorrhage in surgery.

Second was an even longer labour and another emcs but it was brilliant. I was smiling, happy and felt in control.

That was the difference. The feeling in control, respected, prepared, supported etc. The method of delivery was the same.

Is a doula an option for you OP?

I had a horrible birth with DC1 and needed months of counselling.

I did hypnotherapy during my second pregnancy because I was just so scared. It helped immensely in terms of relieving my anticipatory stress and giving me something to do (practise!) and thus feel more in control. Likewise with having a doula to advocate for me.

DC2 was born without pain relief or intervention after a short labour. It hurt, but it wasn't traumatic. I still feel that it was one of my greatest achievements.

That was the difference. The feeling in control, respected, prepared, supported etc

I second this.

I screamed for help during labour with DC1. I made it all the way to pushing before I started screaming with DC2

And it was more controlled screaming...if that makes sense. Quieter and to myself, rather than trying to summon midwives from the other end of England as i did with DC1.

I got told off for screaming both times...but DC2 labour / delivery was definitely less traumatic. I'm rubbish with pain and both mine were b2b.

Good luck!

I'm sorry you had such an awful time OP 😞 I'm a midwife and I hate reading stories like this. Majority of the time, 2nd labours and births are easier as they tend to be quicker. I have cared for many women who had bad experiences previously and go on to have a lovely birth second time round. Maybe ask to speak to someone senior who can go through your notes with you and chat about the next birth... supervisor of midwives don't exist anymore and they would often do this but there are debrief/birth talk midwives about