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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Gifts for new daddy?

79 replies

tracy606 · 12/03/2017 18:18

I was wondering if anyone has ever bought a gift for your other half as a thank you for helping get through labour?

I know my partner is going to be so very supportive, as much as he has already been through our pregnancy.

Any ideas on what kind of thing to get?

Thanks in advance, Tracy xx

OP posts:

BARB060609 · 13/03/2017 21:48

I would say no to be honest, the woman gets months of hard work, hours of pain and I am not sure if we EVER actually recover!

228agreenend · 13/03/2017 21:52

I think it's a sweet idea.

sobeyondthehills · 13/03/2017 21:58

I got DP socks, but only because I threw up twice on his socks.

euromorris · 13/03/2017 22:01

No.

It's great that he's so helpful and supportive, but that's exactly what he should be doing anyway. It's the least I expected of my husband, not the most. I know others can be rubbish, but society should be more upset with those kind of blokes, rather than praising others for doing what is expected of them anyway. Everytime that happens, the rubbish ones think they aren't that bad!

xxrachiexx97 · 13/03/2017 22:10

Well I dont know where all you guys are from but.... Ive always seen it traditiin for the Dad to buy the Mother a gift. Just a simple one flower/ a nice body wash set, a peice of jewerly if you got the income for it!
Unfortunatly I never had support, I done the whole pregnancy myself althought the dad showed care in the end of the pregnancy he was still useless so one of my lovely sisters got me a mango wash set from the bodyshop and it was lovely and very moisturising
My older sister got a cute little pandora charm of her partner, i thought that was lovely as she had such a hard pregnancy with that severe morning sickness thing which I cant spell for the life of me!

ArriettyClock1 · 13/03/2017 22:15

I never gave my dh anything, but this thread has made me remember I always buy new dads (that are friends) a gift.

doubleshotespresso · 13/03/2017 22:15

I bought DP this....

www.1stoptshirtshop.co.uk/ItemPages/Daddy_Cool.php?cat=&subcat=&item=450&goToPage=&keyword=&newitem=&ql=&bs=&product=1&colour=4&personalised=n%2Fa

Blumkin · 13/03/2017 22:22

I did get my dh a present, packed in my hospital bag and wrapped beautifully. It was a ring with a small line of diamonds. He hasn't taken it off for the past 7 years. It's hugely sentimental to him.

However, he didn't know Id got him a present and was slightly when he realised he didn't have anything for me to open apart from my cervix I wasn't expecting a push present, I just got him the ring as my dad had a watch he bought the day I was born and wore it every day, and I wanted dh to have something similar although he doesn't wear watches, so I decided on a ring.

NeverNic · 13/03/2017 22:48

Blumkin - when put like that, I can see how nice it would be.

My husband ate all my snacks first labour and went to work when I was in labour with my second. I'm not sure his labour etiquette was superior enough to warrant an additional gift on top of the gift of a child!! I think the real gift was him experiencing that moment of seeing our child and sharing those first seconds. Apart from that, I don't feel my labour experience was enhanced by his presence. That's not me being grumpy or bitter. I was just so 'in the zone'Ant and Dec could have been delivering my baby, and I wouldn't have noticed.

Thissideof40 · 13/03/2017 23:15

I went through 27 hours of labour with first and 12 hours with second, was torn to bits, had mastitis and cracked nipples and will never be able to jump on a trampoline without a bit of wee coming out again. So my OH can take a running jump with a thank you gift.

BigHairyLeggedSpider · 14/03/2017 00:08

Hell no! Helping out around the house and being nice is the least he could do whilst I endured the misery which was pregnancy. Besides, it's not how he copes in labour which counts because he doesn't have to do anything. It's how he copes in the first couple of months, whether he pulls his weight at night, whether he's still nice whilst coping.with extreme tiredness, whether he makes sure you get enough sleep. My.partner was.great during pregnancy. He was shit the first 6 months of daughters life.

Smooshface · 14/03/2017 00:53

Vimfuego wins the comments. And my heart for a Bad News related name...

CerealShopper · 14/03/2017 02:03

I gave my dp a few presents the day after our dd was born, but only because it was his birthday!

Beansonapost · 14/03/2017 03:50

He deposited his sperm... then I do all the work... end result a child. Present enough.

And he shouldn't be "helping out" around the house... it's his house he SHOULD be doing all that without needing a reason.

BigHairyLeggedSpider · 14/03/2017 08:33

Definitely Beans

DisgruntledGoat · 14/03/2017 10:01

I got my DH a present both times I gave birth. First time he got a gorgeous baby girl and second time a wonderful baby son

FartnissEverbeans · 14/03/2017 13:56

my mind is boggling

FartnissEverbeans · 14/03/2017 14:01

Thinking on it, this seems to be a 'thing' now. I see posts on fb congratulating new fathers for doing the most basic normal things that any normal, untwattish human being should be doing for someone they love anyway.

'My darling husband has been so supportive!' Oh has he, good for him, well done husband for not abandoning your wife and child in their most vulnerable moments. Someone buy the man a present

raisinsofwrath · 14/03/2017 14:10

Er, no.

A man pulling his weight whilst his partner is pregnant should just be par for the course. Not something that needs to be thanked or congratulated.

squizita · 14/03/2017 14:40

No because he wasn't doing me a favour. I did most of the work - not through anything except biology. Splitting house work etc is something that 'should' happen when 2 adults live and work together so isn't an extra favour (tbh this is a bug bear of mine and I need to point it out to dh a lot still. It's not helping me, to get gratitude, it's not a favour, it's HIS half of the work).
The work was the toll of gestation (it's not easy for everyone by a long shot) and the labour. It was my job to do and I did it! Dh was very nice but I didn't buy him a present for me passing my degree or doing a years work etc - he was mice then too.

It just makes me feel it's problematic to set a precedent where the partner is thanked/paid/gifted for doing "extra" when actually if they were a woman no one would bat an eyelid at it.

squizita · 14/03/2017 14:51

Bighairy YY dh us lovely. Very disorganised. Forgot to move money from his account (he's self employed) into the joint account when I wasn't working. Major rage, shitty thing to do. DH hurt because men are set up that being there/an ok guy is enough. Actually, being negligent by accident is a bit shitty. I was fuming.

Gifts after pregnancy forget this steep learning curve/ relationship test (and for anyone saying "but my pregnancy is hard" I'm a multiple miscarrier with anxiety and an auto immune condition. Pregnancy was hard for me too) and reinforces that while the memes and sanctimums tell us that unless we live in shit smiling as we rub ashes into our hair if that's what pfb wants "OR WHY DID YOU BOTHER HAVING KIDS BITCH" men are soft focus angel new-men if they just turn up and aren't abusive. Massive, cruel, pnd inducing, marriage damaging social disparity.

And yeah to me the gift would be part of that.

Oh and anyone without a kid who says "but my dh is fab and our marriage is happy". So is mine. He recognises and fixes up ... countless of my friends DH dont and society is like "lol that's men for you!" while the mum seethe. And if you think this makes us some kind of dragon, I hope you aren't raising a boy ... a girl might get pissed off with that internalised sexism and rebel, but I've worked with many a teen boy who is otherwise lovely but just doesn't "get" what women/mums actually do and allows himself to be pampered and spoilt.

The cycle needs to break.

squizita · 14/03/2017 14:53

Apologies - my auto correct eats plurals.

cliffdiver · 14/03/2017 15:06

Is it April 1?

Notanotherpawpatrol · 14/03/2017 15:10

I just asked dh if he wanted a gift after i had the baby and he said "what?! That doesn't even make sense" I explained he'd been doing a lot for the last 9 months (also multiple miscarriages, anxiety, complicated pregnancy, scared to do an awful lot, have 3 under 6 who need life to go an as normal) and it was a thank you gift. He thinks I've lost the plot

ShowOfHands · 14/03/2017 17:02

Nowt wrong with buying a gift for a partner as the mood strikes you.

I don't personally like all the hoopla attached to doing what should be normal. I don't like mother's day or Valentines or any of that circus. I am a mother because I chose to be, a wife because I chose it and I do both roles with the commitment required. I dislike the notion of applauding the natural consequences of a life choice. I'm an equal partner and dedicated mother. I don't need presents to validate it, the validation is in living it.

A gift is no bad thing if you have a sentiment to express but perhaps the sentiment should simply be I love you, not treating normal behaviour as exceptional.

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