Consultant pushing me to VBAC without listening first

[DuggeeHugs]

I gave birth to DC1 18 months ago via EMCS (very calm - an excellent experience) following a failed induction (an awful experience).
This time my midwife referred me straight to the consultant at my booking in appointment because of all the complications first time around - she mentioned that an ELCS was probably best. DH and I had also come to that conclusion and were happy that we all seemed to agree.

I saw the consultant at 13 weeks and came away very upset and scared. They refused to accept that I'd done any reading up on the subject, continually pushed at me that ELCS was more dangerous and told me to consider VBAC. I kept trying to point out why - based on the literature she'd just given me - I'm not a good fit for VBAC, but the consultant didn't appear to be aware of the details of my first birth, which didn't help. Instead they kept saying 'try a VBAC then go to CS - at least you'll have tried'. I'm not sure what prize you get for trying but I don't see the point in tiring yourself out before a CS.

Since our appointment last month I've been very tearful and have realised that the other reason I don't want a VBAC is that I do not trust the hospital staff. The day before DC1 was born I had yet another internal exam. It was excruciating and I begged the doctor to stop. He refused and instead left his hand in my vagina until I gave in and let him continue. The midwife in the cubicle did nothing to help. I was so upset I nearly discharged myself there and then - it was only the fact that DC was at risk that I stayed. Fast forward 13 months and I finally plucked up the courage to have my very overdue smear test. The practice nurse was completely baffled when I broke down as she explained the procedure. When I was able to explain what had happened she told me it was assault and should have been reported. Weirdly I felt a lot better because I wasn't overreacting and something had been wrong. It was too late to report and I didn't want to dig it up so tried to forget it.

The problem for me now is that, having spoken to the consultant, I'm terrified that I'll be forced to VBAC and if there's one thing I'm certain of it is that I will not be giving permission for any internal examinations at any point.

I'm sorry, I don't even know where I'm going with this any more, I'm just terrified and need advice/reassurance that I'm not crazy to feel this way, that there is a chance it'll all work out and advice on how to make that happen.
If I could afford to go private I'd do it in a heartbeat but we don't have that kind of money.

TLDR; bad (and very long) induction experience prior to lovely EMCS. Not a good fit for VBAC but consultant refusing to listen to my concerns, just quoting some very selective stats at me.

I had an EMSC and I swore no one would do that to me again, bloody nightmare I felt like I'd been crippled for months. I delivered my next two normally and it was wonderful I could go for a bath instead of a bed bath and could go home straight away

sonly I think I may have felt differently had the EMCS portion of my experience been worse than the VB attempt.
It's good to hear that you went on to have successful and positive VBACs

I have had many discussions with my consultant on the various risks of going for an ELCS or VBAC after an horrendous induction with my first. A planned section carries about the same amount of risk as a VBAC and probably less in the case where a previous emergency section was needed. An emergency section carries higher risk and therefore should be avoided if this is a likely outcome. These stats are contained In the c section information I have been given to inform my consent of planned section too.

OP it sounds like the consultant you are seeing is being strident and not really giving you a balanced assessment of your birth options. I would request a different one or stand firm and demand a planned section.

I had an awful emcs with DD, after dilating fully during an easy labour. I still think if I have another I'll have an elcs- because I really don't want another emcs.

Hi Op,
I had a traumatic EMCS following a failed induction with my eldest. I asked for an ELCS and they said yes immediately, I didn't have to fight for it. You shouldn't have to fight for it. It is your right.

Thanks gen, I've just been making a list of pros and cons from the leaflet info, then checking online. The CS leaflet includes 'more pressure both in financial and human resource terms' as a risk. It also carries the worryingly worded risk 'uterine rupture may result in severe bleeding requiring hysterectomy as well as death of baby'. No mention of this in the VBAC leaflet.
I'm discovering my hospital has a very clear VBAC bias so I probably shouldn't be surprised at the consultants behaviour. I need to be much tougher in my stance.

rin and didl for you both. I was very surprised to have my request ignored but thanks to the great advice from folk on here I'm feeling more confident about standing my ground now. The more risks I read, the more I'm sure a planned CS is the safest option in my circumstances.
There is a small part of me that wonders if I should try a VBAC but the risks are just too high.

It's ridiculous how you have been made to feel. There should be no argument, you choose which birth method you want especially given the circumstances of your first time round. They have to refer you to another consultant if that one won't do it.
It was agreed from my booking in appointment that I would have a section and my reason being "fear of birth" which was the same as my first baby. No arguments at any stage and got my section booked for two weeks.

Thanks spooky My consultant made me feel totally unreasonable about what I'd thought was a logical next step. I'm now armed with a barrage of, frankly, alarming statistics which take into account my medical history, etc., something the consultant hadn't bothered to familiarise themself with.

You will get your ELCS. You are entitled to it and you deserve to be able to make that judgement call. Stand tall, you're making an informed, intelligent decision, and it is your decision x

As pp have said it is your right to choose an elcs so if that's what you want then that is what will happen. Walk into the room knowing that and it will help you. I had an elcs after an emcs and it was definitely the right decision for me. Though I have to say I 'enjoyed' the elcs less than the emcs - I think because I had more time to think about what they were doing and was a lot more aware of what was going on 2nd time as I wasn't so tired and out of it. My community midwife was supportive of my decision and she was able to be at my consultant appointment with me which was great.

It is very unlikely that they will book you in before 36 weeks though. I would get in touch with the supervisor of midwives - there is always one on call. You should have been offered a debrief following your last labour and it wouldn't be too late to have that now. They would be able to organise that for you. Also you can tell them you feel like you are not being listened to and they will act as an advocate for you.

Good luck

Thanks everyone for your advice

I saw my midwife and explained what had happened. Her response was "Ah, you've been [ConsultantName]'d". On the one hand I now know this behaviour is normal for them, on the other I'm gobsmacked that a reputation like this hasn't been challenged.

On the plus side I was given a copy of my notes from the consultant which clearly state I understood the discussion of risks, have expressed a preference for ELCS and that there will be a review at 26 weeks. Hopefully this is a positive sign.

I will be contacting the supervisor of midwives anyway, despite things looking better than I thought, because the last 3 weeks have been full of worry and, as the consultant has form for this, I really think the hospital needs to listen.