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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Can I get through c section without a birth partner?

21 replies

SpookyDylanKia · 06/02/2017 20:59

Unfortunately my hubby and I are sooooo far from a happy place right now. We were kicked out of marriage counselling in Dec because he is emotionally abusive and needs to seek anger management help before we can proceed. He hasn't lifted a finger to find help.

Every time my hubby and i spend any more than 2 mins together my blood pressure ends up through the roof. He is so rude and will pull out all the stops to hurt me as much as possible. It's as if he doesn't even realise that i am pregnant - all he wants to do is fight, fight, fight.

Thanks to a massive cervical tear during my last labour and my current little breech baby, I have been told i need to have a c section ... next week.

So my question is, can i do the c section on my own?

I want it to be as calm and spiritual an experience as possible for both baby and i (how many moments do you get in a lifetime like this one), but i just don't think that'll ever happen with him in the room.

Also during my last labour he turned up at the hospital 8 hours after i called him to come in because he'd been drinking heavily at home even though i was in hospital being induced. So as you can see he's not exactly the most supportive of people.

He's really not that interested in being a dad as it is so i don't think he'll be bothered at all about not being there. He is the perfect "i the world's best dad" on fb, but in real life, kids just get in the way of things he wants to do x

OP posts:

Lissette · 06/02/2017 21:02

My husband was ill and couldn't come to our ds's birth but the theatre staff were wonderful. You'll be fine.

YouMeddlingKids · 06/02/2017 21:04

What a tough situation! With regards to the birth, I had an emergency c section so my dh wasn't there. I don't think it made any difference to my actual birth experience whether dh was there or not, it's very different to a drawn out vaginal delivery where you need someone with you. If you feel calmer without him in the room I'd go with that!

Floralnomad · 06/02/2017 21:08

My DH didn't come into theatre during my c section , he'd been present ,more or less, at our first vaginal delivery and had to keep going out to throw up so there was no way I was having him in the theatre and potentially getting in the way . It was fine . Hope things improve with your OH , if that's what you want to happen .

PisforPeter · 06/02/2017 21:10

Yes, you will bebfine, you & your baby are a team xxxx

PisforPeter · 06/02/2017 21:10

be fine

MrsNuckyThompson · 06/02/2017 21:11

I'd say there is arguably less need for support in c section than natural labour!! It's not like there's anything you really need to do except stay calm! With vaginal labour you're doing all the work and probably need a coach / supporter all the more.

The recovery from a section, however, will be much harder without someone to help you.

plimsolls · 06/02/2017 21:11

It sounds like you will have a better experience without him there.

Is there anyone who can help you out for a few days once you get home? I've not had a c section but I'm told by friends they found the recovery limited their movements (etc) for at least the first few days and they needed help then.

Good luck and congrats in advance

megletthesecond · 06/02/2017 21:12

Yes. IME the theatre staff are lovely and will support you.

HelsBels5000 · 06/02/2017 21:13

The surgery staff and midwife will be really supportive - explain the situation and they will look after you.
I hope it all goes well for you

Original poster

SpookyDylanKia · 06/02/2017 21:21

Oh thanks guys. You are really helping to put my mind at ease. Sounds as if it'd be far better just to ask him to drop me off and then come by the following morning (if he wants) to meet baby.

Thankfully my parents are very close by so once i am home they will be there is help out during waking hours or take my toddler out for the day. I'm also going to try to stay in hospital as long as they'll have me. I've also arranged for help with cleaning etc and have a freezer full of meals. Is there anything else you think that i can do in advance to make things easier for myself and baby?

Also how do you think i can manage to breast feed baby through the night? Will i need to co-sleep or will i be able to get out of bed and pick her up by myself out of her cot (with cocconababy nest)?

OP posts:

FeelTheNoise · 06/02/2017 21:33

They'll definitely support you. I had panic attacks and my midwife held my hand. The hospital staff will prevent anyone from being there if you don't want them there, long before I had the courage to leave XP, my midwife assured me of that, and hospital staff were good.
Would you and your DCs be able to recuperate at your parents house? Just being away from H would give you the space to parent your children in safety, and could give you the strength to make some positive changes. You can leave him, as soon as you're ready. No pressure from me, but it can be done. The more professionals who know what you're going through, the cleaner the break from him. I left when I was very heavily pregnant, and the knowledge that professionals have was my safety net x

Sparrowlegs248 · 07/02/2017 13:46

I had ds by elcs due to breech. Husband was with me but honestly it would have been fine without, so I really wouldn't worry about that aspect. Although you could have someone else?

Re bf, I was able to take ds in and out of moses basket myself. It was a bit painful, getting from.laying to sitting in bed, but you develop a technique and it was manageable.

alltouchedout · 07/02/2017 13:53

Far better alone than with an emotionally abusive, selfish tit surely?
The staff will support you. Let them know the situation and they'll likely bve far more help than he ever could.
Good luck.

SnotGoblin · 07/02/2017 13:55

You will be fine (better than fine without him there). I've had two EMCs but did have a female friend birth partner with me each time. She wasn't really required but is that something you can think about it if you'd like someone there for support?

Midnight3 · 07/02/2017 13:58

My husband was in the theatre and really I was just chatting to him about how hungry I am. I could have done it without him. Even though I had an emcs, it was a very calm experience and the nurses were lovely.

ScarlettFreestone · 07/02/2017 13:58

My concern would be that you'll need support afterwards.

I did breastfeed through the night but in the first few weeks DH got up and brought the babies to me to feed as I found getting up and down difficult and bending painful. If your baby is right next to the bed it might be ok. Certainly probably not harder than getting and going downstairs for a bottle.

Get your parents to help with bathtime during the day as I also found that very difficult.

ImperialBlether · 07/02/2017 13:59

He sounds really horrible. Do you even want to live with him?

ellash · 07/02/2017 14:09

He sounds like an absolute arsehole that you really could do without whilst you're going through all this. Being pregnant is stressful enough without someone purposely bringing you down! Especially someone who is supposed to love and support you!

Will he be at home looking after your other DC whilst you're in hospital?
If so, perhaps you have a friend/sibling/family member who although you might not want in the delivery room, may be able to keep your spirits up/bring you food and give you some adult company whilst you're in hospital? (And of course to congratulate you on how beautiful your newborn is!)

Also, you will DEFINITELY need the support after birth whilst at home. I'm sure you have friends and family who will happily help you out as well if he can't pull his weight and also keep things calm at home?

If he is unsupportive and is going to cause you more stress, it's no environment to be in. I sympathise with you OP and I really hope things calm down at home.

Good luck with the C section & your new baby :) enjoy every moment

SnotGoblin · 07/02/2017 14:19

I had no support at home after two EMCs and was absolutely fine. Of course, life is always better with it but don't panic if you haven't got any in place.

seven201 · 07/02/2017 16:03

I had a breech c-section. My husband was there but he wasn't any help, it was just nice for him. My concern is you getting help after the c-section as you can't move easily or lift the baby out of the cot etc.

seven201 · 07/02/2017 17:01

Can you safely take the side off the cot so you can use it like a co-sleeper cot? Or buy a second hand new mattress) bedside crib? I used a snuzpod with sleepyhead in after my c-section. Great for getting baby in and out but harder for you to get in and out of bed!

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