valsalva/purple pushing- need to understand?

[Tatat]

This is the way I delivered ds, it felt completely unnatural to me as I didn't get an urge to push - not even a little bit- and so forcing this was the worst part of an otherwise very relaxed birth.

I believe that if I hadn't been told I had to push, I wouldn't have, and that my baby would have made his own way down. I might have had to force the wee bugger out a little bit at the end but it would have been a more chilled process.

Reading other posts on here today I get the impression that maybe I should have listened to the voice inside my head instead of the midwife (it was only when I saw the glint of a scalpel in her hand and she said that she was going to have to give me an epesiotomy unless I tried harder that I really started heaving properly)
Baby not in distress, me calm-ish (mooing but not scared)

Might be a naive question but is this how it works? If you can hang on and wait your contractions will move baby down and no manic grunting or horribly wrong feeling required? Or am I just being a bit silly and we have to do this bit however nasty it is?

this actively pushing thing....hm....
I think it does depend on the position of the Baby if you have a pushing urge or not...with my first 2 I had strong pushing urges and just did as I felt and pushed...with ds3 I had decided not to actively push, but to breath him out....however, with him I never had any pushing urges, and sadly ended up transferring into Hospital and had an Emergency C-section....but, I truely believe that teh reason I did not get any pushing urges was, that even though I was 10 cm's dilated, he was not in the right position to come down and took his time turning.

Was your son possibly back to back/posterior? I believe this can affect the urge.
Thing is generally our bodys know what they do, and this whole "pushpushpush" coaxing, etc...is really a modern invention, I think!

there is a school of thought that suggests that the expulsive power of the uterus is enough to move the baby out, rather than the need for active pushing too, esp when the mother does not get the urge

there is a phase after full dilation, that some women experience to a lesser or greater degree, called ;rest and be thankful., where you have a rest before pushing, you have no urge and all goes quiet

some medical people get anxious and start to try to kick start with synto or the threat of a c.s or ventouse

where the woman simply needs to have a rest!

have a couple of articles about it, but cannot link them here as on my desk top!

not sure if there is any useful info here
gentlebirth org on pushing

I felt that my body was pushing and I had no choice in the matter. My dd came with the waters in two self driving pushes. ds2 was very similar but I managed to pant a bit to slow it down and gave one conscious extra bit of push to deliver him. Both were very fast at the end, hoping for a similar labour in about 4 weeks.

Thank you all for your messages, will have a read through the links and see if I can get my head round it more! DS is 2, not even ttc #2 yet but this is one of those things that I think about often- like an itch that really needs scratching!

Tatat, I can completely appreciate that. I think it is so important for so many woman, most if not even all, to be in control of the situation when they give Birth...it is a big event afterall....