has anyone given birth alone - no DH or birth partner? Have suddenly realised we may have a childcare problem...

[MrsJohnCusack]

Am 36+3 today, and in NZ where we don't know that many people. All along we've arranged that my parents will come and look after DD when I go into labour. EXCEPT - like a fool I have just twigged that only covers us if I go pretty much to full term. My mother is going into hospital to have her hip replaced on Friday, will be in for 5 days and then in a hotel for for another week or so recovering without stairs. My dad will be with her (and anyway is not really able to look after DD on his own, too decrepit).

We have one set of friends who may be able to help if I have the baby Friday-Sunday but they don't have a car and do have a 1 year old just to add to complications.

HOW CAN I ONLY JUST NOW HAVE REALISED THIS? (Well I know how - I've been assuming I'll go overdue like last time because I'm so convinced I'll have to be induced again which I don't want...so the idea of being early hasn't really occurred to me. Until now)

Sooooooo - should the worst come to the worst, has anyone given birth alone? Is it going to be awful? I do at least know my midwife so it won't be a stranger. But if it's anything like last time, I really needed DH's support and I was quite confused and frightened from the G&A and the quick labour (and all the complications) and the thought of doing that alone is rather grim. I think it would be a shame for DH to miss the birth too.

oh SHIT how can I have only just realised this . And why I am starting it at 3am UK time? Hope someone sees it!

Oh dear MrsJC - I can't offer any helpful advice, but this is in the way of a comforting elbow squeeze and a bump.

thank you
I am such an IDIOT! Merrily packing my hospital bag in plenty of time, thinking 'oh wouldn't it be nice to have the baby a bit early' and then all of a sudden I realised...

gah

gah, indeed. but don't we all give birth alone in the end...? i don't remember dh doing much of the pushing. sending you sticky vibes, don't dare make a move for the exit, Junior Cusack.

ps your daughter is unimaginably gorgeous.

Ooo, no advice really... can you get a doula?

Or maybe there'll be a nurse in the hospital. I had my own nurse when I gave birth to DS and she was with me the whole time.

Any friends who fancy a last minute trip to NZ?

Or a last minute nanny agency? There must be a company that can supply someone, although might be weird for you if you don't know them.

Other than that, cross your legs!

oh, am aitch.

Idiot? I don't think so.

I can understand the panic - it must be very frightening to think about giving birth without a loved one there. I do hope it won't come to that.

Not the same thing, exactly, but I ended up having to be discharged from hospital to my dp's parents after ds was born because our bathroom was being ripped out and the house was covered in dust. He was 10 days early, and it became clear that I was cutting it too fine for home alterations... Much more culpable than you I think.

oh thank you Aitch!

yes, I think I'll just go for the legs crossed option! and maybe look into some sort of babysitting/nanny agency. There must be something....Any ideas NZ/ChCh Mumsnetters?

have realised that I really do want DH there which is quite reassuring considering how much he's getting on my nerves at the moment....ahhhhh.

I'm with you on this one...I'm having my 2nd child a week on Thursday (gulp) by section. No family nearby, no friends without children, most friends working fulltime. So naturally, being very organised, I have hired a nanny to live with us to help out with both children for 6 weeks, starting a week today so that she can spend 3 days getting to know my eldest and then it will be all nice and calm when I go in to hospital to have baby2 as she can just take over.

Only dawned on me a few days ago that, durrr, if I go in to labour naturally I am completely fecked for childcare

We'd have to just ring round and hope we could get someone here ASAP otherwise I'll be doing it alone. complications from my previous birth mean I need NOT to labour for any length of time, so it means a very very fast section for me.

WHY did I not think of this before? Just assumed I will go overdue like I did last time.

Wanders off muttering about pregnancy brain....

Nanny/babysitting agency is the way forward. Do it now so you can have a few trial runs and perhaps find a 'favoured' one who you might be able to befriend and could help you out at no notice?

Good Luck! x

I know you say you don't know many people but I would get a list of phone numbers of those you do - most people would be flattered to be asked to help out - even if it's just to transport your dd to your friends house....

Where I live lots of people don't have any family nearby - I was lucky that my 2nd and 3rd were on time/late so my mum was here as arranged - but I did have a list of numbers "just in case". I was "on call" over the past weekend, in case someone else was unavailable, for someone due to have her 2nd (who I don't know very well - her ds in in my ds's class - but I live near her) and am waiting to hear if she had the baby or not.....

How about neighbours/work colleagues? I fpeople are happy to go on a list of contacts, have you got time to invite them around for a drink/coffee so your dd can meet them beforehand?

We had a similar situation: granny 3hrs up the motorway. My DH had to look after our 2yo DD while I was in labour. She came into hospital with us.

To be brutally honest I found it a real distraction when DH stuck his head into the room because I was totally engrossed in my birth CD which was working a treat at keeping the pain under control! kept losing my concentration and shooing him away, poor man! The CD was the best birth companion I had (I'm sounding like a saddo!) and it worked until transition, when quite frankly it didn't matter who was there.

some nice lady who'd recently had a baby there looked after DD while I gave birth (it was a tiny unit with good security, before someone screams "you did WHAT???!! ) so he was able to see the birth, but to be honest it was better NOT having him there during the labour.

hey MrsJC don't panic, it's not good for heavily pregnant women
Have you thought about a doula? I think it would a great solution for you to at least set your mind at rest.
or some sort of emergency childcare - overnight childminder? babysitter?
BUT if you do give birth, you won't be "alone" - your mw will be there and she will be able to support you, and you will lean on her.
oh and anyway you will go to term betcha
sending love
HC xx

oh and my MIL (only possible childcare option) pissed off to her house in France just before my last birth saying "oh we'll be back by the and you're not due till " Silly bitch
she arrived back the day before I went into llabour. but no, I haven't forgiven her

I agree with KTP, I found people were lovely and genuinely seemed pleased to be asked. I had a couple of people I had met at DD's school on standby, both of them had children and were happy to be called in the middle of the night if needs be. My neighbour was also on call but away at the vital moment. In the end my Mum happened to be staying so it sorted out that problem. But I remember thinking what on earth was I going to do as we hadn't been here very long.

thanks for all the ideas everybody! have stopped panicking now and will make a sensible list of contacts and plans & look up agencies. It was the sudden realisation that I had been SO DIM that threw me in to a flap. And my midwife is lovely so all would not be lost.

Now all I need to do is persuade DH to drive the bloody car (he is a bit phobic about driving) and learn how to put DD in the car seat and we're all set....

i had dd2 on my own - not through any lack of planning as such it was just the way it happened. Ds and dd1 labours had been fairly long, and i had been threatening with dd2 for weeks (had been in hospital for 5 weeks). When she finally decided to make an appearance dh was at work - apparently he thought he would have all day before the baby came (she was born at 9a.m). Actually it was fine, i could concentrate totally on me and what was happening, the midwives were fab and a lovely student midwife was there for the handholding bit. The worst part was straight after - the room emptied fairly quickly, baby was taken to NICU (she was a 27 weeker - but that's another story)and i was left on my own (well with midwives popping in and out) - i could have done with someone then. Anyhow, 10 months on baby is fantastic and, given the circumstances,birh was as good as it could have been and i don't regret no one being there for the labour and delivery part at all.

Hope you sort things out!

Is a homebirth an option, MrsJC ?

ah thanks Sally
I think he would be more upset than me if he missed it. I'm glad your DD is OK now too.

hello NDP
homebirth not really an option - did think of this briefly today - mainly because I DD had shoulder dystocia and had to be resusciated and I do feel this baby may also be quite large - much as I love the idea I have come to the conclusion that I don't think I'd be happy at home. I've already been persuaded to go to the hospital rather than the birthing centre in case it all happens again so I think I'd have a real battle with the midwidfe anyway...but I don't think it's for me.
Would be easier though wouldn't it!

was in similar situation MJC... ds came at 38 weeks and we had to ring my mom in a panic to leave work and drive 2 hours down to us

have no excuse though as dd was a few days early and i thought i was further along than 38 weeks so it should have occured to me he'd come before his due date, lol

Ah, I did see that you mentioned 'complications' in your OP and suspected that was prob the reason that a homebirth wasn't an option.

one of the funnier memories of ds4's birth was me constantly thinking "ohhhhh FFS, will you please shut up" when dh was repeating all the MW's insttructions and "will you please stop rubbing my fucking head" while grabbing his hand off my forehead anf throwing it

He was so irritating, him not being there would have been quite nice

Sorry, mrsJC, not much use but thought i'd tell you anyway....

a friend of mine had to give birth alone because her dh had shingles at the time and they wouldnt allow him anywhere near the labour suite. her mother was on a plane at the time on her way from Spain

she described it as very very peaceful...

also, everything went swimmingly and she was back home with her ds2 6 hrs after giving birth

good luck MrsJC xx

lol LTH
yes, DH KNOWS to be v.quiet, he was exceptionally well behaved last time and primed to disappear if I told him to bugger off. the poor thing had been repeatedly warned that there was to be no coaching, no cheerleading or shouting of 'push' and the like, in fact no speech unless required.
it is a shame, I would love a homebirth, but it just isn't going to happen this time

thanks nailpolish
ooh am feeling all calm again now. thanks everyone

oh, i had ds2 virtually alone too.

dh had gone to get my mum, it was alot quicker than ds1's labour. paramedics atrrives about 15 minutes before he was born.
dh and my mum arrived back just as he was born.

it was fine, i remember feeling quite calm.
ds1 was 2 at the time so not the ideal birth partner.