My eldest son is 13
My experience at the hospital where I gave birth and subsequent "care" haunt me still and due to a baby being born into the family yesterday I have spent the night tossing and turning upset and angry all over again.
To this day I have no idea why Ds and I recieved such dreadful care....both at hospital in the community.
If I try and list what happened as I remember it will you -nicely! - tell me if I am being silly?
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I went into labour early at 37.5 weeks.
No idea I was in labour - thought it was sciatica - but I felt really weird and as the midwife said I has mild eclampsia the day before at my appt she advised going to get checked at hospital.
(I had 2 scans in my pg....12 weeks and 20 weeks....all fine.)
They Put me on a monitor and heartbeat was slow so I had a scan....sonographer said all fine and baby would be about 7lbs.
I went home.
Pains started to get regular but I still didn't realise I was in labour.
I started timing them about 6pm and they were 4/6 mins apart.
When they got closer I got Dh to strap on the tens and rang the hospital.
They were quite dismissive but said to go in.
So I did.
They didn't even examine me. Put me on a monitor.
Just said I was in early labour and told me to take some paracetamol.
I went home.
As I was getting ready for bed, I went to the loo and found I was bleeding.
I rang the maternity unit and was told to go back in.
So I did.
They examined me this time and found I was 5/6 cms dilated.
I was put into a room with a trainee midwife who frankly, irritated the hell out of me.
I was managing fine with the tens machine and breathing and she just kept on at me to try different methods like gas and air and pethidine.
By the time I was 8cms I was exhausted so gave in and had some pethidine - all this did was make me sleepy. Really wish I hadn't had it.
Midwife shift change and someone new came in at 7.30am
They broke my waters and ds1 was born quite quickly after at 8.37am
I had a second degree tear which was stitched and tbh didn't really cause me any issues after it healed.
But......Ds1 was only 4lbs 15oz. And no one could tell me why (or indeed seemed interested)
I didn't understand how the sonographer had got it so wrong at the scan just 18 hours before.
I had the injection to speed up delivery of the placenta (a woman just came in the room and jabbed my leg then left)
The placenta wAsnt coming away quickly enough so the midwife pulled it out - it was scraggy and thin and not healthy looking.
Due to her yanking I was left with retained placenta - didn't know this for a few days though.
We were taken up to a ward.
He had jaundice and despite trying to feed, my breasts weren't producing milk, and when the midwives tried to hand express blood just came out. I was crying in pain and they didn't care. It was just blood.
He was getting no milk at all.
He was so so small.
I was so worried.
I was made to feel silly. "We've had much smaller babies on this ward!!"
The night midwives were horrid to me. One almost broke the bed she pulled Ds crib so hard! Again they tried hand expressing til I cried with pain.
I was refused a bottle of formula for him.
I was so desperate to leave that we left 36 hours after his birth.
I was very sore and starting with an infection from the retained placenta.
By the next morning Ds was floppy and not feeding.
The midwife came round and was very dismissive til she took one look at him and sent us back into hospital.
We were sent to the children's ward, not scbu and were treated appallingly.
He was under the lights and by this point was on an ng tube which broke my heart.
One nurse shouted at me "you need to decide how you are feeding this baby!!" I was so upset I couldn't bf and felt an utter failure.
After a week we were allowed to go home as he had got back up to birth weight (!) but he was still not right and I tried and tired to tell the midwives and hv but they didn't listen.
After 6 weeks of hell of watching my boy get weaker and weaker and feeling utterly helpless the hv agreed with me that he was still jaundiced and back to hospital we went.
Again they were very dismissive but did a blood test and sent us home.
The next day I got a phone call from the head haematologist to say we had to take him to hospital staight away has he had a strep infection in his blood.
He was in for a week on iv abx.
He picked up after that and started to feed and gain weight although by this time he was far far behind his peers.
In fact for some weeks we thought he had cp.
Because he was in hospital they didn't do his 6 week heel prick test.
The midwives blamed the hospital and they blamed the midwives.
It got done eventually.
We were given NO help or guidance in how to help our son who was to all intents and purposes a 32 prem - as that's when they think my placenta stopped working.
My experience was such I waited 5 years to have another baby and went to another hospital to deliver.
I struggle going back to that place even now.
I will wait until my family member is home to see the baby....I cannot go onto that post natal ward :(
Am I being stupid?
I was told some years ago my notes were "lost"? Surely that's just the hand held ones?
Every midwife and nurse I death with (except one) treated me like an idiot.
I was a new mum, vulnerable and as it turned out, ill.
I feel very fortunate my Ds made it tbh. It was despite their "care" rather than because of it. It transpired he was an IUGR baby but undx.
I get so sad and bitter when I hear of new babies - why did their mums get good care? Why did their babies get looked after properly? Why not me and mine?
Unsurprisingly I got late onset pnd....a direct result of my experiences I believe.
My son is now doing well, after a very hard start.
It's been 13 years.
Do it need to just suck it up?
If you got through all that, thank you x