What was your second birth like?

[MumOnACornishFarm]

DS1 is 12 months old. Labour was 18 hours, lots and lots of pushing. Had gas & air, then pethidine, then epidural with 2 top-ups even though he was teeny tiny. I tore badly and needed 18 stitches, some of them internal which later become infected. Recovery was slow, and I felt the whole experience was very brutal, although the care I received was excellent. Expecting DS2 in late October. I can expect a bigger baby this time (DS1 low weight was due to a birth defect, I hate that term).

So if you needed the whole sweet shop of drugs first time around, did you need it again for your second birth? If you tore with your first, did it happen again with DC2? And have you hsd any joy using hypnobirthing? If so, please share your experience with me.

Basically, please reassure me! I'm scared it will be brutal and frightening again. Thanks in advance.

Whoopsy and Roussette I'm so pleased to hear your stories! Thanks for sharing. I'm glad your second birth experiences were so much better than your first.
Whoopsy if you had a birth partner with your second, did they also familiarise themselves with the natal cds, and if so do you think that helped? Just wondering how much to rope in my OH!

Mum, I asked my husband listen to the CDs with me a few times so he would know what they were about. The first few times I wanted to punch him as he was in absolute hysterics at the lady's voice. However, even he admitted he found it really relaxing- he even started asking hopefully if we were listening to the relaxation track before bed! I also bought the book that goes with the CDs and we read that- it explains the principles of natal hypnotherapy and I think that helped. In the actual birth he helped by standing up for me, for example asking for minimal intervention and also helping to keep the atmosphere calm. He also used a few if the phrases from the cd to remind me to relax. We both felt the birth was such a positive experience, and I'm sure this is partly due to how chilled out we were in comparison to first time round!

DD1, had meconium. Had to have an episiotomy, she had to be resucitated and then I had 45 minutes of stitching. Internal and external.
DD2 was 14 months later. Shot out like a rocket, we only just got there in time. Not so much as a graze.
DD1 was 6'9 and DD2 was 8'10 I was told the extra weight made it easier as there was more to push out if that makes any sense, or is even true!

Whoopsy this sounds a lot like my OH! Glad he got into it and was able to support you though. I'm definitely going to look at those cd's, thank you.
Justdont wow you had a rough time of it, poor you. I had to wait for ages for stitches as the MWs couldn't do it and the doctor was in surgery. Just laying there with my legs in stirrups as the drugs wore off was one of the low points for me. It's so interesting what you say about birth weight. My first was 6lb 6oz (I'm tall and not a tiny build) and I couldn't understand why I struggled so much to push him out. My HV didn't help when she said "he's tiny. Can't understand what the fuss was about." Made me feel like my cervix and vagina had failed. I got rid of her eventually, and I'm now back on speaking terms with my vagina.

First birth was a bit rubbish - had been in and out of hospital for three weeks before the birth due to suspected pre eclampsia which was confirmed and I was going to be induced at 38+3 but he came along anyway. Heart beat dropped during labour and had a forceps delivery. Then I had a PPH of about 1500ml and had to get sewn up in theatre afterwards for a couple of hours. Later had a blood transfusion and felt rubbish for a good few weeks. He weighed 6lb 1oz

DD born 22 months later. No issues leading up to her birth, she was born in non -instrumental delivery, I did lose about 450ml blood but didn't need any stitches and was able to shower myself after she was born. Only realised then how sore and wrong I felt after DS was born as I thought that was normal. With DD I was virtually bouncing along the next day. So second birth much better. She was 7lb 11oz and much easier delivery.

Miranda that sounds very traumatic. I hope you had lots of help after the birth. So glad to hear your second was a better experience.

First birth was very traumatic, I still shudder twenty five years later. Second birth four hours from start to finish no pain relief or complications, third birth three hours again no pain relief or complications.

Why don't you ask for a section this time. You've already been through hell and having a planned section booked will take away the worry of it happening again

I don't think a section would be right for me. I don't know if I feel comfortable having what is a serious operation if I don't really need it. Obviously an emergency section is very different. I don't mean to cause offence to anyone who has opted for a section, I think people should do what feels right for them.

My first was 38 hours, the whole cocktail of drugs, and ended up with a distressed baby being pulled out by vontouse after being cut.
My second was an hour of pain at home getting to hospital were they didn't think I was that far along (without examining me) to being checked and dh being told he didn't have time to get our bags from the car or he'd miss it. 1hr45 mins on my notes

mum can echo your experience. We were between shifts apparently. No lie, DD1 was born at 4.18 am. I didn't see anyone til 7. I swear I lay there and didn't move a muscle in soaked sheets. Was soo relieved DD was ok I didn't care. It was fine tho, healed really well and had no problems.
One thing I did say tho was with her birth I blamed myself a bit because I freaked out about having the episiotomy and delayed things by trying to carry on pushing. (How fucking stupid looking back)
With DD2 birth I put in writing that they had permission to do an episiotomy and I didn't want to be told.
Best of luck!

Also watching with interest. Also due late October after DS birth nearly 3 years ago which included, in no particular order: 18 hours long, high BP, 2 X drips, 2 X catheterisation, 3 hours of pushing, labial tear, clitoral tear, episiotomy, a fuck ton of stitches, constant monitoring in labour ward. All I wanted was a nice water birth!
This time I'm hoping it's different I listened to the hypnobirthing cds last time but it all went out the window. I'm hoping I'll be less scared and more forthright this time. Good luck to those also due DC2 soon including OP

Justdont what a good idea! I had never thought of saying they could do an episiotomy, just don't tell me. Thank you for that. It's such a horrific thought, but in my mind it's preferably to tearing again.

My second birth was much better than my first.
I was terrified the first time round, the pain was unbearable, the gas and air made me feel horrible and I ended up having an epidural. I remember I had to have some stitches but not sure whether it was a tear or episiotomy. It was a pretty straightforward delivery of a big baby but I felt traumatised by the memory of how the pain combined with the gas and air made me feel.
Ten years later I had my second baby. This time round I did my research and reading. I read Ina May Gaskin, Dick Grantly-Read and the hypnobirthing book and the best of all - Birth Skills by Juju Sundin. I felt like I knew how my body worked, that it would work, and that I had some tricks up my sleeve to help me cope.
I had to be induced unfortunately but I didn't need any pain relief at all until the local for the episiotomy which I needed as baby got stuck (brow presentation). Despite it being a much more complicated birth I felt like I was in control and coped well with the pain. I used various techniques from Birth Skills as well as visualisations from hypnobirthing. I never would have thought it possible after my first birth!

Hopelass I'm so sorry, that sounds awful. I hope you get a better experience this time around. Are you planning a water birth again? If you have a birth partner perhaps brief them to help you assert yourself more this time. My OH was even more 'rabbit in headlights' than I was, he tried his very best, but I'm hoping he'll be more calm and assertive this time around too.

Oh wow JC23thanks so much for this, that's really helpful! Sounds like you were bloody amazing.

You're welcome mum I did it because I panicked the first time even tho I never felt a thing when they did it.

I did hypnobirthing for my first and ended up with an EMCS after a long traumatic labour, pethidine, epidural the works - I then used the techniques (visualisation/breathing) for my second, a home birth with no drugs (12 hours, second degree tear mostly healed in 3 weeks).
In both cases the techniques were useful - I don't think you have anything to lose by learning them. My only reservation is that they are really coping techniques rather than dictating the path of your birth - it's taken me a long time not to feel like a failure for the way my first birth went. If things are going well they can keep you on track, and if you are not so lucky they can help manage the pain/stress.

I have quick labours, DS1 was 5 hours, DD1 was 2.5 hours! I tore with DS1 because of his massive head, no tear with DD1. I had diamorphine, pethidine and gas and air with DS1, just gas and air with DD1.

Oh and I'm constantly recommending doulas on here - especially if you're concerned about whether your partner will be assertive.

Second time was quicker -8 hours as opposed to 3 days in labour. Other than that, the same. Forceps/Ventouse/PPH/ stitches ++ & post -natal infection needing metronidazole both times. Both 10lb babies.
Never felt much with 1st as good epidural but 2nd time epidural failed, so found it very painful.
I was better the 2nd time though post birth, as I knew what to expect. HTH

OP yes I am planning a water birth this time and am prepared to stamp my feet a bit to get it!! Will also get DP on board too. He was just like you say, a rabbit in headlights. We both were I think but now we've got more idea what's happening. Also at a different hospital where the midwives seem a lot better so far.

I had a traumatic first birth too op. I was traumatised afterward and mentally unwell. I would wake from nightmares crying. It wasn't just the non stop pain for three days, the 50 hours with not one minute of sleep, it was the level neglect and refusal of pain relief except a hot bath from staff because I wasn't dilated at all (yet I was actually pushing all day the third day - I kept saying I needed to 'go' iykwim. I felt so abandoned and just wanted to die for three days straight. The third day was horrific as I finally dilated a centimetre or two and was allowed an epidural (was beyond gas and air by that point) but it didn't work and wore off almost immediately, however at least I got an hours sleep. I thought I would die quite honestly. I was so looking forward to it too. It was the day after Christmas so I really couldn't have picked a worse time, the place was full and nobody was around. The anaesthetist was always busy. At the end of the fourth day from induction I finally had a spinal tap and was minutes away from c section, dh scrubbed up, as I was so overdue by that point it was becoming dangerous for baby. Then all of a sudden my legs were in stirrups, I pushed, he used the ventouse and out she came. I had stitches but don't remember much after that. I still barely slept as was worried baby was going to die and I was hallucinating the next two nights in hospital purely from lack of sleep. I couldn't bond with baby for first week. The pain was non stop and it scarred me mentally. And I was a chronic pain sufferer so no stranger to it. The level of care was atrocious, we will be going private next time because of it.

I did however learn a lot from it. Levels of estrogen and progesterone, well as the ratio between them, plus high prolactin have a lot to do with pain levels during birth. (Just like they do with period pain.) When you think of how your body chemistry can change so dramatically following pregnancy or illness or using birth control etc it is easy to see how every birth can differ so wildly from one birth to the next, or one person to another. You are not long after your last birth there is good chance your progesterone is still relatively high compared to estrogen. There is nothing to say it will be as bad as the first!

If you can keep in a relaxed state, reduce stress where possible, and nourish your body with the right foods you'll be on a better footing. With only a few months to go there is little more you can do )or what's safe during pregnancy anyway.) Getting stressed will only lower progesterone to estrogen ratio. Of course I completely understand how you must be feeling and how impossible it must seem to not worry! My birth actually put me off getting pregnant again until I sort my health out.

There's every chance you have a good experience this time. Try to stay positive. Those breathing exercises and mindfulness techniques are useful. You already know the worst that can happen and you got through it, you are stronger and braver than your fears. Good luck op. I have such admiration for women that experience these kind of births. It sounds so corny but I really think we are heroines. And we get such lovely gifts in return. :-)

April thank you so much for your sharing your experience, it made me cry. I don't know how you got through that, I'm amazed. What a traumatic experience for you, your partner, and your DC. I am not surprised to hear that it took a long time to heal, emotionally speaking. I know that some people will always experience complications because that's just nature, but it's so sad that the care we receive can be so hit and miss. I know I was very lucky to feel well looked after, and my birth was very straightforward and uncomplicated compared to the experiences people have shared here. I'm hope your next experience is very, very different.

And yes, I think you're right, women are bloody amazing. What our bodies are capable of doing is mind blowing, and even with all the pain and other stuff, it is a privilege. I remembering thinking after giving birth that it was utterly incredible that there were so many people in the world, when childbrith is so bloody hard (I was probably still quite high!) I don't think many women experience an 'easy' birth.

Thanks again for sharing and for your encouragement. xx