Mum going abroad close to due date

[Mimicat44]

Hello, my first baby is due on 1st July. My brother is getting married in New York on 23rd June and the whole family (except me of course) is going out there for 10 days returning two days before my due date. I would really like my mum to be at the birth, especially as I am single (the baby's father has been banned from contacting me by the police due to harassment towards me) but there is obviously quite a big chance that the baby may arrive while everyone's abroad. The wedding was booked before I got pregnant. The thing that is bothering me is that there was never a dilemma or question that my mum might not go - it wasn't considered at all. To be honest if she had expressed uncertainty I probably would have told her to go, but it does hurt a bit that she has chosen to go away. Am I being unreasonable/a bit hormonally sensitive? I would obviously have felt very guilty if she were to stay behind and the baby didn't come! But at the same time hardly any of my friends live in the same county as me and I'm a bit worried in case I need help and end up a bit alone!

Argh, horrible situation! I bet she feels really torn about it but doesn't want to make a fuss in case she upsets you. I can understand feeling like you do though. :( I think in your situation I might look for a doula to support me through birth and the aftermath. I'm not normally one for suggesting them, but I think knowing there is someone you can rely on to get there if your family is still away would alleviate some of my anxiety in your situation. Would that be possible?

I opened this ready to be all 'you're having the baby, not your mum, YABU' but under the circumstances I understand why you are feeling this way. I suppose from your mum's point of view, she MIGHT let you down by going away but if the baby arrives on or after your due date then she won't. But she will DEFINITELY let your brother down if she doesn't go to the wedding.

Do you think that's how she might be feeling? I agree looking for a doula might make you feel reassured

Hello, thanks for your replies. I have decided to get a doula and that's now all sorted, she's on call 24/7 until two weeks after my due date so I will definitely have some support. I think I was actually feeling hyper emotional when I posted anyway, was crying about a lot of things which don't seem so bad now! Just having a bit of a hormone surge I think! And obviously there was no way I'd make my mum miss the wedding, I would have felt so guilty. So it's all good thanks again for responding!

Glad you have a doula sorted, I don't think it would be fair for your mum not to attend your brothers wedding but can appreciate the frustration with her staying so long after. However it is quite likely you will go over or on time so she will be there. My mil is on holiday when I'm due and would have been the most obvious person to have ds. I feel your frustration

Oh dear, you poor thing, what bad luck with timing! Sorry to hear about harassment from the baby's father. My mum has a holiday booked a week after my due date, so I'm really hoping the baby comes on time. I'm hoping that my DH will be with me for the birth even if my mum Is already abroad - he's starting a teaching job in September, but it's a 90 min drive from the hospital... I'm probably being ridiculous, but am worried about ending up labouring alone as I'm quite scared of the whole process! Hope your baby decides to wait for your mum to be back after the wedding.

Hey chemist,

Is it your first baby? Even if not I'm sure nothing too drastic will happen in the 90 mins it takes for your DH to get there. I know it's scary though, I'm feeling the nerves too! You'll be fine though, have you got some strategies practised for when things start happening? Your mum might decide not to go away after all if the baby hasn't arrived by the time the holiday comes round? And thanks, yeah the harassment has not been easy due to obviously feeling a bit more vulnerable and emotional in pregnancy! But the police have been absolutely amazing and I would urge anyone in a similar position to go to them without delay if suffering even what you might class as minor harassment, I wish I'd done it sooner. Anyway, everyone's back from NYC on wednesday and so far baby has stayed put, so I'm sure it'll all work out just fine

Hi Mimi,
Yes, it is my first (so I think I'm prone to making a bit of a fuss over nothing if I'm honest). My mum will definitely go whether baby has arrived or not - she's going with me sister, who is sometimes quit fragile and has Asperges among other issues, so I wouldn't want her to cancel it. I might be nervous, but I know I can cope, whereas my sister can't always. Glad you got the harassment sorted out and you don't have to see him any more. It's not something I've ever had to deal with and I have so much respect for people who have and have the guts to report it. Counting down to Wednesday for you

Chemist it's natural to be nervous, this is something we've never done before and we know that it will be unlike anything we've ever experienced! But as you say, you will cope! I'm doing Hypnobirthing and I found JuJu Sundin's Birth Skills book really good as it has practical simple strategies for dealing with the contraction pain so I feel quite well prepared. How long have you got to go?

If it's any consolation I don't think it's that uncommon. I'm likely to give birth to DC3 alone. My mum is away for three weeks over my due date and my back up childcare is away for two weeks around the same time. We have no other family nearby. Friends have offered to help out if they're not at work but I've had two previous very fast labours so current plan is that I head in as soon as things start then DH rings around to find someone to take the kids and hopes that he can get there in time. It will be fine, but I guess that's pretty easy to say when you're on number three!