Second birth in Apr- why am I convinced it will be worse than the first

[charlieq]

I don't know why but I've just started to get gripped with fear that my ds2 (due April 8) will have a nightmare birth, that I won't be able to cope and even that the worst (can't write it- you can probably guess) is going to happen.

there's no precedent for this. I had a really quite quick first birth with DS1, at home with very short 2nd stage. (DH says I was even more anxious about his birth....I remember same awful fear of something happening to him, but now have lots of fears of having to have a c-section, which I think i won't cope with cos I didn't have to last time...)

Has anyone else experienced this sort of slightly mad preoccupation with what might go wrong? and can anyone reassure me with comforting statistics/stories about how much easier second births are (or aren't- I want to hear everything....)

(nb if it explains anything, I am a stressed out old misery generally but this anxiety is starting to feel a bit TOO obsessional.)

My second childbirth was easier than the first, and although I don't have any statistics, from talking to other women it seems generally the case.

Perhaps you might concentrate on taking control - look at your birth plan, make sure you are rested before onset of labour, remember there are things you can do during labour: let gravity help, walk about if it's a bit slow etc.

Are you having refresher ante-natal classes? I know nct do them, and some nhs doctors' surgeries. Also relaxation and/or yoga might help de-stress.

I was much more worried when I was pregnant 2nd time around - I thought that I'd been so lucky that my first baby had been ok so this meant that something would go wrong this time.

Looking back it seems really silly and irrational but at the time it was a very real fear and I couldn't stop those feelings of dread. I ended up having a very 'easy' birth - much better than the first and this seems to be the case with everyone I know who has had a second baby. In fact, a midwife once told me that "first labours are long and difficult, second labours are quick and easy and third labours are completely unpredictable". Obviously there will be hundreds of stories that disprove this but second births are 'usually' quicker than the first - so you may have a super-quick birth if your last one was fast.

Anyway, please be reassured that you're not mad - just pregnant!!

I think LittleMamaT is right - I think anxiety levels generally are higher in a 2nd pg. It's like you feel as though you've managed to get away with it once so you've somehow used up your quota of luck. My dm says she got even worse for her 3rd pg (me) and that's why she never had any more (well that and having 3 kids under 5 at once )

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thanks everyone and thank god it's not just me- you are so right, it's as if I got away with it too easily with DS1, especially as he was my first and I was really expecting a 36 hour nightmare labour and emergency CS.

Also it gives you a weird feeling when everyone including midwives and friends behave as if you have absolutely nothing to worry about- you're obviously 'built for childbirth'....(although I do have a 'very wide' pelvis, according to MW! I imagine him bouncing around in there, perhaps turning breech at the last minute...)

Pitchounette, I am doing hypnotherapy already- have been using one I found on the net but think maybe the Natal Hypnotherapy programme would be better?

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