Top 5 things that concern you the most about your upcoming labour?

[LillianFullStop]

It's a given that what we really hope for when it comes to our upcoming labour is that mum and bub are well and healthy at the end of it all. The rest is secondary and in the whole scheme of things is a drop in the ocean considering you will be taking a much wanted newborn baby at the end of it. YET! I still worry about it a lot - it would be interesting to see what things worry other people.

I think some of this is driven by too much googling and hospital reviews but here are mine:

1. Prolonged recovery time from episiotomy or 3rd, 4th, 100th degree tears - I've read horror stories is tears/stitches that get infected, take months to heal or that need to be re-cut and stitched after labour
2. Being able to feel the tearing - I have very low pain tolerance for punctures/cuts and the thought of tearing/episiotomy/stitches without an epidural frightens me more than labour pains without an epidural
3. Horrible treatment from midwives and other medical professionals - again reading posts about horrible treatment in labour and postnatal wards at my most vulnerable time scares me. Have heard stories about women being treated like children, ignored and just generally being mistreated
4. Horrible conditions in post natal wards - from rude visitors, lack of privacy to filthy shared bathrooms. I'm imagining backpacker hostel versions of a hospital ward...
5. Really long labour - I can see how the excitement and adrenaline of the onset of labour will eventually give way to despair and exhaustion with a long labour.

Sorry if this scares anyone but at 19w I am starting to worry about these things now and it is actually cathartic to note them down!

I was scared of:

1. Forceps
2. Horrible postnatal ward
3. Bad recovery, especially lots of bleeding
4. Long labour
5. Horrible treatment from hcps

I got 1, 3 (though not bleeding), 4, and some staff were awful, others were great.

That won't have helped you. But I had a dreadful birth and 5months later I'm still not over it.

First time around I was scared of:

• Episiotomy
• Tearing
• Induction
• Stitches
• Recovery

Turns out I had a very slight tear that only required 5 internal stitches. I didn't feel the tear itself I don't think, because it happened as DD was crowning! You can't really pin-point exactly what is causing a certain pain when you have a human head coming out of "there"! And I was induced. It was fine, and really fast! 3hrs from first contraction to my baby being born, with just a couple of puffs of gas & air. The recovery was also nowhere near as bad as I had feared. Yes, I had sore, bruised nether regions, but for me, it was other random parts of my body that hurt more! While you are pushing, you will engage muscles that you didn't even know you had. My back and leg muscles felt like I had been powerlifting for a week! My one night stay on the postnatal ward wasn't pleasant, but I don't think anyone ever has a nice time there - you've just given birth, your body feels battered and you are left with this tiny creature that doesn't come with instructions This time around (DC2 due in November) I'm planning a home birth, and my biggest fear is that a midwife won't get to me on time. My first baby arrived very quickly for a first baby, so I'm anticipating this one being even faster! Other than that (and not exactly looking forward to my first postnatal poo ), I don't really have any major concerns this time. Talk through your concerns/fears with your midwife, it might make you feel better

As it's my first, I'm a bit concerned about arriving at hospital too early and being sent home (as it's a half hour taxi drive away!)

My weird worry is about midwives and hospital staff being overly chatty and nosy (like the stereotype of a hairdresser!)

Lilian My mum has highly recommended getting an episiotomy rather than tearing (though it looks like advice on this has changed in the last 32 years!) I think if you do need one, you get a local anaesthetic injection. I've got a really low pain threshold too, and have been known to faint before when faced with pain, so am a bit worried about that! I think at that stage of labour, you'll be so focused on baby coming out that the hormones will stop you specifically feeling any tearing.

Are you planning a hospital birth or one in a birth centre? In most birth centres I think you get a private room and toilet/shower. Have you had a chance to meet midwives there? All the medical staff I've met at scans etc have been lovely, so can't see that changing during labour :-)

Have you thought about listening to some hypnobirthing CDs to help prepare you?

First time round I wasn't scared about anything. I was hypnobirthed into a zen-like state where I honestly thought my body would know what to do and all would be fine. Hah! It was a traumatic disaster, ending in forceps.

Second time round I was terrified of anything and everything, as a result of my first birth. I ended up with a beautiful drug-free waterbirth. Go figure.

Not sure what that proves, if anything, but there you go!

Lillian I had exactly the same worries as you and honestly none of it happened.
Obviously there are no guarantees but try not to fixate on horror stories.
In the end I had a 4 hour labour with no injuries, a private room and lovely midwives. Not all stories are bad and it's pointless worrying until it happens

thanks for the responses everyone - I read back through my post and it sounds like escalating panic! MyBreadIsEggy I haven't discussed with my midwife yet as the worries seem to have crept up recently in the last week. they were definitely not there at my 16w appointment!

Sophia I really like the idea of the birth centre with getting a private room with my new bub and DH overnight - but I am not sure yet if I could do without an epidural.

Greyhorses I still have some some hope that I could have a positive birth experience. One thing that really helped is having a read through the antenatal threads that are due this month and all the birth announcements were really positive and focused on the joy of welcoming their new bubs instead of the horrors of the birth.