So it's an age old question...just interested in others' views and experiences.
Bit of background, sorry for the long story -
I was lucky to fall pregnant quickly with my son (now 14 months) and all was going smoothly until the 20 week scan. We were told that he had enlarged ventricles and part his rear brain was malformed or absent. We were told that this could be Dandy Walker variant plus/minus a genetic disorder and faced huge uncertainty about what the future may hold (ranging from mild disability to severe handicap and even conditions incompatible with life). So began the most intense and traumatic two weeks of our lives whilst we underwent amniocentesis, genetic tests and foetal MRI. We then saw a specialist at Alder Hey who painted a much brighter picture but talked to us about hydrocephalus and the operations that might be needed to correct this. Baby was monitored by ultrasound for the rest of the pregnancy and thankfully (understatement of the century!) the scans began to look normal! Plan was to further monitor head circumference after birth.
On to the birth bit. From 38 weeks I was very swollen. I checked my BP at home and it was high and was in and out of the antenatal unit a couple if times for monitoring. The third time, my BP was again monitored, and came down. I was told that there was no significant protein in my urine. It later transpired (when I went to see my midwife 4 days later) that this was not the case; my urine protein was in fact very high. In short, they missed my preeclampsia. I was sent straight from my midwife appt to be induced that day.
I had two pessaries and got to 3cm and was coping ok. BP was still high so they wanted to get things going. I had an epidural (also intended to help with BP as well as pain), but sadly it didn't work at all and I felt everything! I had my waters broken (I found this horrific) and then was started on the drip. Things then went from 0-60 almost immediately and I was in genuinely mind bending pain with continuous contractions for around 5 hours. During this time my BP hit the roof and I had to have to have hydralazine and magnesium (very unpleasant, lots of vomiting). Miraculously the second stage was less painful (maybe the epidural had some effect lower down) but at this point lo became bradycardic (the worst sign on monitoring) so a load of ppl came in and were standing over me with forceps. The registrar and midwife then wrestled the baby out of me which was agonising, and he was here! Thank god he was absolutely fine.
I had to be catheterised and fluid restricted (73 ml an hour) for 24hrs and also lost a fair amount of blood (just above the transfusion cut off). LO had to gave cranial ultrasound with paeds, breastfeeding took a while to get going and BP stayed high so we were in hospital for another 5 days. The midwives monitored my BP at home for 6 weeks and twice we were sent back in in a bit of a panic because it was high.
I also had a 2nd/borderline 3rd degree tear which has now healed fine but it was a good 9 months before sex was tolerable, and about a year before it felt 'normal'.
So ultimately lo and I are both physically fine, and I am beyond grateful for this, but I feel quite psychologically traumatised, not only from the memory of the pain, but also from all that uncertainty and fear. When I think about it all I often cry (as does my husband!), and there were several nights early on when I was sobbing for my little boy because I thought I'd never be able to face giving him a sibling (raging hormones didn't help!).
My husband and I have just decided to start trying for a second baby. I'm not even pregnant yet but already thinking about the delivery. My sister in law had a baby 9 months before me and had ELCS which went really smoothly. She had a nice calm delivery and felt back to normal after 2 weeks. She is having another one shortly. I know it's wrong to compare but I can't help but wonder what my experience might have been if I'd done the same. On the other hand, I know the risks of section are greater for the baby, I won't be able to lift my little boy, I may not have the complication of preeclampsia this time, and a positive vaginal birth could be a great healing experience. Just don't know if I'm prepared to take the risk of another 'bad' vaginal birth as I'm genuinely not sure how I would come back from that mentally and emotionally.
If anyone has read this far, thank you! It actually helps just typing this all out. If anyone has any experience or opinions to offer I would be very grateful.