totally agree about perineal massage (it's really unpleasant but worth it) and pelvic floor exs. I think this is why I didn't tear when had DS 12 weeks ago.
Would say breathing slowly is good, you need to do it with someone eg midwife, partner. I also found counting through songs on my iPod helped quite a bit. work out how many counts you have till the contraction is over.
Don't rule out the epidural.
I gave birth lying on my side and felt that was a good position cos I could still push but didn't have to hold myself up (and didn't tear), but I would really refuse to give birth on your back as have heard it's the worst position for tears and just works against gravity.
you will feel a bit like you've been hit by a truck for the first two weeks, just wobbly basically. So try to expect this a bit in advance so you don't feel too hard on yourself or expect too much. It is very overwhelming and you do need to really take it easy after the birth.
my other major tip would be ensure you have sufficient snacks and drinks during labour, or you get exhausted. Ignore hospital rules: you really need a bit of a snack or at least sugar whilst in labour, cos it's so long and exhausting. not a roast dinner, but definitely some energy drinks/energy bars etc (not acidic juice cos might make you sick).
best of luck! Really, the odd thing is that it is so surreal at the time, and does hurt, and you have to accept you're out of control, it has nothing to do with you or your personality ,it's literally your body carrying on with this incredibly weird process and you don't have much of a say. But a few days afterwards it retreats in your mind like a dream, so I would say try not to worry and try to see the humour in it!