Non judgemental discussion about pain relief

[Heirhelp]

I am due my first baby in May and I am concerned about the birth but also worried about the proven side effects of some pain medications. In an ideal world I would love a water birth, if a pool is available, but I know that some pain relief methods prevent the use of a pool.

I had an epidural in my first labour after my waters had broken.
I was offered an epidural in my second labour after my waters had broken (didn't need it that time).

Both labours were progressing at a fair clip too. With DC1 they said 'are you sure you want it, you're nearly there?' I said yes. No issue!

Thank you for sharing your stories and advice. I will have a look at the links. I kind of have my heart set on water birth, but I know having my heart set on something is not a good idea but I can't get my brain to think logically about this.

I think the reality that I have to give birth is just setting in and no stork is arriving with a baby for me.

I've never come across (in RL) any woman judging another for taking whatever pain medication they may need in labor.

DS1 I had a lovely 4 hour hospital hypnobirth, labored in the bath and contractions were only very intense at around 9cm when I had about 5 mins of G&A before pushing. I had gone in with a very open mind and decided I'd go as far as I could using hypnobirthing techniques but the second the pain tipped into "suffering" I would request whatever I needed. Thankfully I live in a country where my OBGYN allowed me to do whatever I needed and there was no time limit on when I could request an epidural. Knowing that was a massive help as I didn't feel pressured into using pain relief because I was scared I might not get it.

DS2 I had an epidural at 4cm as it was 11pm and I wanted to sleep. DS2 was a slow burner but needed constant heart monitoring so I was happy to be strapped to the bed and was lovely and numb and slept on and off until it was time to push at 6am. He came out in 3 pushes, no tears and I could feel that I was using the correct muscles to push him out which I couldn't feel with DS1.

Both births were bloody fantastic for me and I wouldn't change a single thing about either of them. I also don't feel that one was better than the other honestly, they were both amazing. I certainly don't feel a "failure" for choosing an epidural, certainly on the back of contractions every minute for 30 seconds at 4cm, it was a joy.

Had epidural, loved it, literally felt NO pain. Was in labour 24 hours + not progressing so was definately not going to go pain relief free no way hosay... ending up having c section in the end.

Also my labour not progressing was nothing to do with the epidural it was the baby's position which they didn't pick up on as I had no scans after 20 weeks pregnant. :)

Am currently pregnant with DC number 4.

With my first pregnancy I was only really told the fluffy stuff about labour, and that if I relaxed I'd be ok. That fear made the pain worse etc etc..

When the pain started to get serious I panicked as I wasn't expecting it to be that bad. I wasn't prepared at all.

I had every pain relief available and felt like a failure as I hadn't been able to cope.

I think you need to be prepared for it to hurt. A lot. Although you may be lucky and sail through, I think it's better to go in mentally prepared. Expect to need pain relief, if you don't feel you need it then that's fine too.

For me tens was useless, gas and air wonderful but it got to a point where it didn't work for the level of pain. Pethedine made me very very sick and drowsy. I had diamorphine with DC 3 and that also made me very very sick.

With both the pethedine and diamorphine I was so sick I ended up on a drip, plus I wasn't allowed off the bed, so it was kind of downhill from there.

Epidural was a God send.

Furrywall I have, my cousins wife had her 3rd baby shortly after i had my first and I got the distinct impression she thought I had failed because I had an epidural and she only had paracetamol. She has had 3 straightforward births whereas mine didn't go as expected and I ended up on the drip due to fetal distress because of meconium in the waters.
There's no shame in pain relief OP, labour hurts and there's no need to suffer in this day and age. Sometimes labour doesn't go to plan, keep an open mind and don't refuse anything until you know you wont need it. I'm pleased I had the epidural and if I end up in natural labour this time (expecting twins and twin one is breach so might be a section if he doesnt turn) I would have it much sooner!

I used a TENS machine at home and arrived (5 hours after being sent home) 9cm dilated. Got in the pool which was great, was in there for a few hours before starting to push at about 8.30 am. Had gas and air, not sure if it did much but it gave me something to do during contractions. Baby wouldn't come out so got out of pool, tried different positions but ended up on my back. This time I'm booked into the ward rather than midwife led unit. If I can't go in the pool I will probably want drugs but I'll see how I go.

I'd also say that although people say that flat on your back and the dreaded drip make it all more painful, actually once I was on my back with the drip in it got easier!

Keep an open mind OP. If you have too many expectations you're more likely to be disappointed with the outcome, because childbirth is one thing we have little control over!

I decided to go with the flow, but was leaning towards no epi. As it happened baby was transverse presentation and I was in agony. Agony! I also have a pre existing back problem that I think exacerbated the pain. Needless to say I got the epi and I was so thankful for it. The rest of my birth was a disaster unfortunately...ended up with high forceps and suffered a nasty deep vaginal tear and also got an episiotomy. Thank god I got the epi is all I can say, because I felt none of it. But then, it's possible my LO would have rotated if I was up and mobile and not lying down because of the epi. Personally I think the epi didn't cause the deep transverse arrest and am thankful I got it.

My two cents.

Ps and yes, I know a few women who go on about their lack of pain relief, how they just pushed once, how amazing they are...feck off!!! I got pain relief, pushed for two hours and nada! some women will compete over everything! Comparisons conparisons...spare me

twixes why the heck didn't they give you c-section for a transverse baby?

I think you just need to know what pain relief is available, and when. Each labour feels very different. With DC1, I was never in greater pain than I had with (my admittedly very bad) period pains, but while with period pains, I was pretty much expected to grit my teeth cope, in labour I had DP and a midwife bringing me drinks and blankets and holding my hand and stroking my hair. DC2's birth was very painful, but the really painful bit only lasted 45 minutes and the pool made a huge difference. My body also seemed to produce it's own natural painkilling drug. I was in terrible pain, but also a sort of weird ecstatic bliss which is how I always imagined it would feel like to take heroin. I was desperate for another baby for around a year or so after that, just so that I could give birth and get that high again. If I'd been in that degree of pain for 6 hours rather than less than an hour, I'd have taken an epidural with no qualms.

Every labour is different. I don't think there's much point in having a plan set in stone. The best plan is to know your options and take the one that is best in your particular circumstances at the time.

By all means keep an open mind about pain relief. Do your research about what options you might have.
I also think it's really important that your birthing partner is aware of what you might want and is prepared to act as your advocate. Gas and air made me very confused/panicked and I wasn't really able to speak up for myself and ask for better pain relief. The midwives/doctors who are with you wont necessarily suggest anything stronger than what you already have so you need someone who can speak up for you and realise if you are not coping well.

Definitely keep an open mind. Every labour is different. With my first my waters broke fairly early on and there was meconium so I was in bed being monitored and the contractions were agonising, so I opted for an epidural which was heavenly but then when it was time to push I couldn't feel a thing and it ended in a forceps delivery. With ds2 I laboured at home with the tens machine and on my ball, sorting out stuff for ds1 incase I was in overnight etc, when I got to hospital I was 10cm! I had ds2 in the pool 8hours after my first contraction with about 20mins of pushing. The combination of being able to move, the tens machine, the water and all in all being more relaxed I believe led to me feeling much less pain. But there is no way my first birth could have happened that way, so I was lucky with the second it did. I think if you arm yourself with all the information you will be better prepared, however things don't always go to plan so don't be open to change. Good luck OP

That last sentence should say 'don't be afraid to be open to change'

He was transverse presentation, not transverse lie. I think they call it occiput transverse presentation. Similar to back to back, only my son was sideways :) if it was transverse lie (breech) it would've been a c section for sure

That message ^^ was for goodnightdarthvader1

Just keep an open mind and go with the flow. I was told by several people that if I needed an induction, I'd "have to have epidural", and I was terrified because the thought of a needle in my back made me feel queasy.

As it was I had to be induced early, had gas and air, had some diamorphine (it wears off really quickly, I was surprised by that) and then once that wore off, just gas and air until DD arrived. Just listen to your body and when it tells you it needs pain relief, you take that pain relief and make the most of it! There's no medals, it's not a competition :)

Best of luck and just think how worth it it'll be :)

Throughout both my pg I had an excellent community mw, very down to earth, who bluntly told me not to plan the birth. You don't know when it will happen, where it will happen or how it will happen. Visualising your Dream Birth Scenario sets you up to feel like you've failed if it deviates slightly. By all means have ideas of things you'd like to try but don't set your heart on anything, and that includes pain relief. Just take it as it comes, if it hurts a bit too much then have some drugs. No medals for bravery in the field, as she told me

As others have said, I think it's important to accept that it will hurt like buggery - I think fluffy birth advice like 'it only hurts if you panic, relax and breathe' is actually responsible for a lot of suffering. I used Juju Sundin's Birth Skills book and found it amazing. I used a tens machine and some gas and air but found I preferred to be in my right mind. I would have taken drugs if I felt I needed them but I didn't. Which isn't to say it wasn't painful, but I found it completely manageable using the Birth Skills techniques.

He was transverse presentation, not transverse lie. I think they call it occiput transverse presentation. Similar to back to back, only my son was sideways

But then, it's possible my LO would have rotated if I was up and mobile and not lying down because of the epi. Personally I think the epi didn't cause the deep transverse arrest and am thankful I got it.

twixies My DD went into transverse arrest after originally being back to back. I didn't have an epidural and was upright and mobile throughout. it made absolutely no difference at all. they tried a ventouse to turn her, didn't work, decided to not even bother with forceps (thank god) and off we went for an emcs.
my completely unscientific belief is that if a baby has got itself into such an arsewards position, what the mother is doing doesn't have much of an impact.

I was all for pain relief with my fist birth. Pethidine, epidural, whatever - I was of the 'give me drugs if it hurts' school of thought. In the end, I got pretty far down the line without feeling the need for even gas and air. It ended in emergency section eventually (baby in distress) but if I had managed to give birth naturally, it would have been drug free, as I was way too far down the line to have an epidural by then and the 'worst' was almost over.. It just didn't hurt in the way I thought it would .

I know other women who have been totally into the idea of drug free, low intervention and been screaming for an epidural at 2cm dilated.

All you can do is research the different methods and then see how you feel. You can't plan for the way your baby comes or the way you feel pain.

I had an epidural yea possible side effects but for me I got to hospital no pain relief I was 6 cm and epidural was great, me and oh chatted until pushing time, I also had an episiotomy so glad I was numb already. Also be prepared for changing your mind I thought a nice bath would be good but it was horrible and painful to sit at all so wandering was much better for me

I just took the epidural. I think it makes sense to have as much pain relief as possible. It won't affect the baby but it'll make life easier for you.