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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Home birth

15 replies

Shadow1986 · 09/02/2016 07:43

Hi all,

This is my 2nd pregnancy and I would really, really like a home birth. However DH is absolutely against it. I am due to see midwife again at 28 weeks which is when I want him to come with me to discuss it but with how dismissive he's being, I'm worried it's going to turn into a row in front of the midwife!

My first labour was horrendous, it was an induced twin labour. I was in hospital for 3 days before they were actually born and 4 days after. When I left I was an emotional wreck, a week in hospital on barely any sleep was the worst possible start to motherhood for me. Which in turn I think brought on postnatal depression. I had so much intervention and I just wanted to be left alone but I accept that last time this wasn't possible as it was an induced twin labour, but this time I'm having perfectly normal single pregnancy and feel like I should have more say on what I want this time.

We are 10 mins from hospital, I really have no concerns about having this baby at home.

Any advice on how to convince him? Has anyone else had a DH who was also not happy about this?

Thanks in advance. And I don't want to hear from anyone who is anti home births as I've done my research, and I'm sure not everyone will understand how I'm feeling but not everyone had the experience I had last time.

OP posts:

Thenightswatch · 09/02/2016 07:57

I don't really have any advice as such, but I too am having a home birth hopefully in 3 weeks, my Dh was keen for me to have one, it's my third pregnancy and I didn't have the best care in hospital the first two times, but he did have a lot of questions and concerns.

He came to one of my midwife apps and chatted with her about his concerns and she reassured him, more than I ever could. I would try to get him along to speak to the midwife. I live about 30 mins from a hospital, with no traffic, so I think this is what worried him the most, but my lovely midwife made sure that he was just as comfortable with the decision as I was.

Good luck, I hope you can work things out

genome · 09/02/2016 08:04

I completely understand your feelings after being induced and a postnatal stay, I felt the same after my dd2!
Can you ask your DH what his specific concerns are? You can try to explain how these are dealt with and perhaps write thsee down as specific questions for the midwife. Has he read the research you have done? I often look at these things by myself and don't communicate it well to my DH, so it's sometimes better for me to point him in the direction of the relavent link/book.

WhatTheActualFugg · 09/02/2016 08:09

Get your DH to read vodkaredbull's thread.

That should convince him!

WhatTheActualFugg · 09/02/2016 08:11

Oh, and if he's really not going to support you in this then don't take him to see the MW. You don't need her worrying it's not the best thing for you because of lack of support!

He doesn't need convincing, really, does he. It's your choice.

mmmminx · 09/02/2016 16:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ispymincepie · 10/02/2016 14:15

I would say he's not really entitled to an opinion based on his assumptions and that you will have a rational conversation with him once he's done his research 😁

Original poster

Shadow1986 · 10/02/2016 17:29

Thanks everyone. While doing his research he's come across one horror story which put him off, but I read it myself and I'm sure the outcome would have been same if they were at hospital in that particular case.
He doesn't seem to care about all the good points and more importantly how I feel and where I feel comfortable having this baby, I think those that said its not really up to him are right - I would like him to be on board but I feel so strongly I think I'll just have to go for it even if he's going to sulk about it.
I did have a hard time last time so maybe he's worried it's going to be like that again, that's his only idea of what labour is like - but I know if I stay at home it will be so different!!

Thenightswatch I hope your home birth goes well in a few weeks!

OP posts:

ispymincepie · 10/02/2016 19:52

Then he needs to read some horror stories of hospital births. He won't have to look very hard to find some! Seriously though, are there any 'home birth' sessions at your local hospital? Ours offers them occasionally to people considering home birth and are very informative. Also finding other Dads he could talk to about his concerns might help. You can of course go ahead without his support but only if you are 100% certain of your decision. Good Luck!

randomsabreuse · 10/02/2016 20:20

My DP is very anti home birth. He's a vet so sees problematic labour pretty often. Also 2 family (and verifiable/recent) stories where 2nd birth after uneventful first birth would have had a very different outcome not in hospital.

He also preferred the mlu on site with the consultant led unit to the stand alone mlu and I went with that. Think the stand alone mlu might have done a better job in early stage ie not sent me away at 9.30 for me to be back by 11 at 7cm, but ended up consultant led due to meconium in waters plus ventouse after 3 hours pushing so probably easier transfer in the end

WhatTheActualFugg · 10/02/2016 21:49

to want some peace and quiet on the ward?

You must have seen this, op?

Hospital Horror Story of disturbing proportions. But a very beautiful baby at the end of it.

Original poster

Shadow1986 · 11/02/2016 06:59

WhatTheAcgualFugg - thanks I just read it and basically mirrors my experience from last time. Really feel for the OP.

OP posts:

WhatTheActualFugg · 11/02/2016 07:33

And I do you.

Just concentrate on you.

My best friend had two lovely home births. So calm and simple. A cup of your own tea in your cup afterwards. Bliss!!

If your pregnancy is progressing along nicely there's no need to go in to hospital. Esp as you're so close if you do need it.

Pooks123 · 14/02/2016 18:51

Suggest he looks at the NICE Guidelines on place of birth and the Birthplace Study.

Scattymum101 · 15/02/2016 01:36

My hubby wasn't hugely up for it but after doing research together he came around and we had a fantastic experience for dd2's birth at home.
I think the big thing was that he was prepared to do the research with me and we made the decision jointly after weighing it all up. I don't think I could have gone ahead with the home birth had he not supported it as he was my birth partner and I needed us to be on the same page in order to birth successfully but that was just me.
Www.homebirth.org was really helpful in finding balanced info.

Good luck.

Tftpoo · 19/02/2016 14:36

Hi OP. I have twins too and am 36 weeks with a singleton, planning a hb. I totally get why you would want a hb after your previous experience, my experience in hospital having twins sounds similar to yours. I wonder if it would help both of you to write down your fears and questions before going to the mw appointment, perhaps separately at first? I always find myself calmer and more able to listen if I've got stuff written down and I've kind of rehearsed it in my head. Is there a hb class you can go to together antenatally? That way he might be able to meet other partners who may be feeling the same as him as well as meet the hb midwife team. Good luck.

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