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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

dignity - scared about loss of....

34 replies

xenabelly · 16/12/2006 22:52

Hi all

I'm due to have a c'section with baby no 2 in 5 weeks (eek!). Pregnancy has all been v straightforward and while I'm nervous about c section, am happy with the decision and ok about the operation.

However, after my 2nd birth I felt traumatised by the lack of dignity. The hospital were pretty good really and I imagine it is so much worse if you have a natural birth (had a csection) but basically I had to have a bed bath. I said I didn't want one and the nurse told me 'don't be daft, won't take long' and washed me down, including my breats and armpits. I felt like a huge lump of meat and totally violated and humiliated - it makes me want to cry just thinking about it. (she was v gentle and only lasted 2 mins). I realise this is a 'problem' I have but I am scared to death of having another bed bath.

A friend has just had a csection at the same hospital and told me that the morning after the op, the midwives take you for a shower and come in the shower room to help you and make sure you don't faint. This horrifys me!!

Help!I know I am being totally stupid and it's no big deal to the nurses or anyone else etc etc but it really is to me.

Can I tell them I don't want them to come in with me for a shower? or ask if they can wait till my husband arrives later in morning and he can come in with me? Can I refuse a bed bath?

I feel pathetic that this is my main concern when I'm having a major op and a beautiful baby (hopefully!) but am sure there must be people out there who have similar 'trivial' concerns.

OP posts:

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Presh78 · 16/12/2006 23:06

I'm sure no one can make you do anything that you don't want to do. If you really don't want a bed bath then simply refuse. As for the shower; when i had my daughter I lost a lot of blood and was very weak. I didn't realise the effect it would have on me, I got up and walked acorss the room to the toilet and passed out completely. Luckily the healthcare assistant had followed me. I could feel myself going and there was nothing I could about it. If she hadn't been there I;m sure I would have hurt myself quite bad. So there is a reason for the things they do.
Why don't you ask for the water and soap so that you can wash yourself down in private. You might not do a perfect job but it will do until you can have a shower safely.
Good luck

ProfYaffle · 16/12/2006 23:10

When my dh was in hospital he refused a bed bath. I honestly can't remember whether I had one or not after my c/s, I do remember being ordered into the shower alone and being instructed to remove the dressing from my wound myself. Absolutely terrifying!

angelfaces · 16/12/2006 23:29

Hiya, the morning after i had my baby the nurse helped me to the shower room, i'm glad she did because i was completely out of it and quite honestly needed the help, i said i was ok to wash myself so she waited outside the bathroom, there were safety alarms inside if i needed them. Don't be worried they are only there to help and i'm sure thry would rather wait outside but its nice to know help is needed if you want it - good luck with everything hun x

MKGnearlyimmaculateconception · 16/12/2006 23:51

A nurse took me to the bathroom and watched me pee after ds was born. I think it was more to make sure that I cleaned around my stiches correctly.

Could your dh help you shower?

Skribble · 17/12/2006 00:05

Firstly NO they cannot force you to do anything, but can be a bit pushy as they like to do what is best for you .

Varies so much from place to place but I was expected to just get on with it, I waited until DH came in to help me. I was worried about stepping in and out of the bath (no shower cubicle).

Many people say oh dignity is least of your worries blah blah blah, but sorry I felt like was treated a bit like a piece of meat, even though it all started off so well with polite knocking at the door etc. Once it got serious they only considered what was going on below the waist and stopped even talking to me until I got a bit stroppy and demanded to know what was going on.

I did appreciate the care I had afterwards, my catheter leaked and MW had to clean me up a bit but she was so nice about it and made me feel OK. I suppose most MWs are a bit blase' about it all and are used to poo, pee and bits all over the place and seem to forget we are not used to having it all on show.

expatinscotland · 17/12/2006 00:09

I was wheeled into a room and left there at 7PM after having an epidural and forceps delivery at 4PM.

At 10PM, I used my bed and the walls to walk to the loo myself and pee alone.

I had no idea just how dangerous that was, considering my legs were still on pins and needles.

VPL · 17/12/2006 00:22

I kept hearing that I wouldn't care about looking dignified once I was in established labour - but I did care. I've always been terrified of using a bedpan (I can't handle the thought of giving a nurse a container of pooh ). I was also terrified that I'd do a pooh when I was in labour.

I had a bed bath within an hour of DS's birth and it was probably unnecessary. It didn't bother me too much but my mother was in the room and she was shocked by it - she still mentions it almost 5 years later.

I think you should refuse to have a bed bath if you don't want one. I can't see why it's necessary anyway. Surely they could just leave you a bowl of warm water and let you get on with it yourself (sorry, I haven't had a CS, so perhaps that isn't possible when you're recovering) or let your husband help you when he gets there.

Dignity is so underated for women when it comes to anything to do with our fanjo health and it makes me a bit cross.

Skribble · 17/12/2006 00:30

VPL- exactly!!!

Bedbath within an hour FGS, just leave us alone, trouble is we are so tires and battered feeling we don't speak up and say no!

Heard so many woman say of you dan't care about your dignity, but they often mention something that indicates they did care really.

I was lucky post op they were quite happy to leave us alone, first time I slept for ages while babes fed solid for an hour, DH held him against me while I slept on my side, even managed a boob change barely waking me.
Second time DD was tucked inside my nightie still a bit mucky to warm her up, they only took her back out as I was freezing too so they put her in a cot with a electric heater and covered me in blankets. Felt warm and fuzzy and looked after.

bobblehead · 17/12/2006 02:26

No one tried to make me wash after having dd. I think I had a shower (alone) around 24hrs later. Personally I would think its up to you if you want to wash or not and I can't see how you'd get that dirty having a c-section...

JennyLeevesmilkandcookiesforSa · 17/12/2006 02:38

I had a shower alone after having ds they asked if i wanted too , but then I had a easy delivery with no stitches. did not like how on my birth plan i asked for no student nurses and then in labour they asked me again and I was past caring so had few people in room watching the birth

MKGnearlyimmaculateconception · 17/12/2006 02:45

Jenny's story reminded me of something. My ds was born during a shift change. So all of a sudden I had the new shift and the old shift hanging around. When I looked around after the delivery I was so curious because the amount of people doubled without me realizing it. I though I had a vision problem.

So originally there was only the nurse, midwife, and dh. Needless to say a lot more people saw my fanjo in all it glory than I originally planned.

JennyLeevesmilkandcookiesforSa · 17/12/2006 02:49

lol mine must have been quite a site the little student midwife actaully fainted and as I was crowning I was asking her if she was okay as she looked about 12 years old and had blonde ringlets (its all coming back to me now)

rhubarbcat · 17/12/2006 11:49

I'm surethat no midwife would want to do something that may upset you. So say that you don't want them to bedbath you or come i nthe shower with and explain why, otherwise they may just think you're been polite/worrying about taking their time up. You could ask for them to bring you a bowl of water and flannel and leave you to it - ok you might struggle reaching everywhere but you can wash your face, boobs, tummy, yourself. Or ask to wait until hubby comes so he can go in the shower with you.

shauna72 · 17/12/2006 11:59

I had a cs 4 wks ago and at 5pm that day the midwife suggested I had a shower. Noone tried to come in with me although they said if I struggled with the catheter they could help.I am sure you will be fine. My sister-in-law was given a bedbath at her hospital but I am sure you can stipulate what you want. It took alot out of me to have a shower so soon after a spinal and I would have a wash by the bed if I had my time again! Your body remember! Good luck

marymillington · 17/12/2006 12:18

I had the opposite problem. I couldn't get anyone to help me shower for about 2 days and what with drips and catheters and C/S after 32 hour labour i wasn't going anywhere on my own.

Baby wipes were my sanity- and sanitary- saviour.

Katsma · 17/12/2006 12:29

Just shows how everyone feels differently. I was told to wait for my DP to turn up so he could go into the shower with me. Must have looked an awful sight wobbling around wearing anti-embolism stockings, jelly belly, soaking the wound dressing to get it off.
In hindsight, I'd have much preferred losing my dignity in front of a midwife that I'll never see again than my DP!

Lilymaid · 17/12/2006 12:32

When I was in car accident and ended up on skull traction I used to do my own bed baths. The nurses would bring in a bowl of hot water, flannel, soap etc and leave me to it. If you are worried, this would seem to be a reasonably alternative to a shower or someone else giving you a bed bath. Good luck.

Charleesawmummykissingsanta · 17/12/2006 12:40

I was lucky after i had DS1 i was so weak after loosing a lot of blood and i had, had alot of painkillers, the staff kindly asked me if i would like a nurse to wash me or if i would be happier with my dp or my mum helping as they were my birth partners, i said i would rather have my mum do it and she was fine about it.

I find in hospitals you have to be honest and blunt about things, just say you DONT want a bed bath so could you either so it yourself or have your DH/DP to help you as you feel uncomfortable with a stranger doing it.

I hope all goes well for you.

lulumama · 17/12/2006 12:48

if you are having an elective c,section..you are not going to be pumped full of drugs, and are going to be much more clear minded.....you can alway say before you have your baby, that you do not wish to have a bed bath...but as you are not going to be fuzzy from lots of drugs, you will be able to make your wishes clear ..........

our hospital gave bed baths after c.s and then when you had the catheter removed, encouraged you to have a shower,, don; remember being asked to remove my own dressing though !!

after DD ( vaginal delivery) had a bath a couple of hours later, alone, but the auxiliary was cleaning up the room while i was in the bath..she ran the bath for me, took my towels in and put my shampoo and stuff on the side of the bath....she left the door open so i could hear if babylulu cried, but left me to it..when i got out, she held the towel up, but looked away...very discreet

you can refuse a bed bath and you can ask your DH to help you....it might appear to be 'trivial' , but it isn't to you, so don;t worry about asking....

tron · 17/12/2006 20:47

hopital where i had ds didn't even offer me a bedbath, suggested a shower next day, i let mw come with me as girl in next bed passed out in shower and had to be helped back. Hospital where i had dd asked if i wanted a bed bath - i had the option and next day was helped to the shower room. MW said sh's wait outside and just to shout if i needed her

Toady · 17/12/2006 21:09

Test

Toady · 17/12/2006 21:11

xenabelly

Type down exactly what YOU do and dont want and make a few copies for your DH to hand out and put a copy in your notes by your bed.

Maybe if you explain that it is you who feels uncomfortable (although you dont have to) and you hope they understand and will respect your wishes ......

There will be no misunderstanding then.

stephmcuk · 17/12/2006 21:26

Hi,
I had a emergency section with my first, she was born at 10:33 in the morning and when my dh left to get my mum a few hours later the midwife asked if i would like a bed bath, I was in labour for 24hrs becore the c-section so i was really grubby and was glad she did just because i new people where coming to see me. Anyway i agree i felt a little shy about it but i think it depends on what the midwife is like she talked and we had a little chat and so i almost didnt really pay attention to what she was doing.
You are in your full right to say no thanks i will wash later or could i do it myself depends how your feeling tho :D

Skribble · 17/12/2006 23:08

It is true big difference with a elective section. I had an emergency one first time after a long labour and lots of drugs (big big baby ). Second birth was very different, all calm and planned only a quarter of the staff in theatre that ther was the first time, lots more communication as they weren't rushed.

I felt so different afterwards as I hadn't been in labour and had actually slept a bit the night before. I was a lot more with it in recovery and not left with the woosy feeling I had the first time. In all I just felt I was coping better with everything and spoke up a lot more.

I agree be honest and to the point, and midwife or doctors words are not final. My MIL was a nurse in her younger days and still finds it hard to question a doctor or ask for other options, but doctors and midwifes expect it now as mums are a lot more clued up and go in armed with much more information and expectations.

I hope all of us blabboing on helps you to relax a bit more and are able to look forward to enjoying those first days instead of dreading them .

PrettyCandlesAndTinselToo · 17/12/2006 23:13

Xena, only read your OP, but I'm sure you'll be allowed to wait until your dh arrives. Just tell them that that is what you want. With each of my birthings I have had my first shower or bath in my dh's presence, with him under strict instruction from the midwives not to hold the baby (baby in the basinet with us in the bathroom) so that he could catch me were I to go wobbly! And so that he could help me in and out of the bath.

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