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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Did you tell anyone when you went into labour?

27 replies

Tigs0609 · 11/12/2015 11:08

I'm pregnant with second DC and seriously considering not telling anyone when I've gone into labour (aside from the person who will be looking after my DS, obviously) this time around. I want it to be a special moment between me and my DP and not tell anyone until the baby is born.

Last time around, my partner text everyone on his side when we were on the way up to the hospital. It turns out his Mother came up right away and waited in the waiting room. I didn't have a problem with this, however, I did have a problem with the fact that she repeatedly went to the desk in the birth centre and asked for someone to go in and check for updates.

Several times a member of staff came in and said to DP, your mum wants to know how you're getting on and has asked to see you. So, there were a couple of occurrences where he left the room to tell her what was going on.

Only a few minutes before DS was born a member of staff poked there head round the door again and DP said to tell her she will have to wait (I was pushing and DS's head was visible at this point).

My baby was born at 4.25pm, and I had several stitches which took nearly town hours to complete. Visiting hours at my hospital are 6-9pm. Just after half 6 we were moved to a separate and about 10minutes later, DPs mother rushed in and took DS of my partner (this was his first hold). I didn't have chance to have a bath or anything, as more visitors arrived and everyone left just after 9pm.

At this point, I was exhausted after a long labour, bad stitches and no sleep the night before. Hence, this time around, I want to try and relax after I've just had the baby and visitors can come to see the baby when we're at home. However me & DP have mentioned this to several people and they have all turned their nose up at the idea, as they want to see the baby as soon as they're born at the hospital.

Has anyone else not told anyone until after the baby's born, and if so how did others react and did it work out better for you?

OP posts:

elliejjtiny · 11/12/2015 11:23

I found that people get less interested the more dc's you have. With DS1, DH had to practically manhandle people out of the house while I was in labour (homebirth) but with DS5 nobody except DH visited for 2 days even though I begged for visitors as I was so lonely (DH could only visit briefly and occasionally as he had the other dc to look after.) My DH told people I was in labour each time but apart from with ds1 everyone waited patiently (mostly!) for the birth announcement. Can you get your dp's mum to look after DS? That will keep her occupied!

jamtartandcustard · 11/12/2015 12:13

Well we have to as they will be looking after our other children but they've always been respectful and waited for us to inform them of the birth. Neither parents or in Laws will be waiting in reception and we will only have visitors when we say it's ok.
Last time dh did put updates on Facebook which I found very annoying! (I didn't know till after). He better not this time, I've not even mentioned I'm pregnant on fbook as those whom I'm close to know, and those I'm not - well it's none of their business

jamtartandcustard · 11/12/2015 12:19

In fact thinking about visitors - dc1 was born just before 10pm after emcs so no one arrived till the next day when it was nice to see people. Dc2 was born at 8.30am so my mum popped in during her lunch break (she lives along the same road as hospital) then came up after school with dd. I was discharged the following morning. I don't recall having any visitors except dh with dc3. Again he was an evening baby (just after 8pm) and we were home the following lunchtime and parents, inlaws and step-dd came over then X

HSMMaCM · 11/12/2015 12:22

I spoke to my mum when I was in labour with my first and didn't tell her. Afterwards she said she could tell . DH and I both just wanted to sleep after DD was born. He phoned round after he woke up and told everyone he'd let them know when I was home.

Frankie2015 · 11/12/2015 17:37

I've already told my mum I'm not telling her or anyone else when I go into labour!! She's a major gossip and she wouldn't be able to help herself and would end up telling everyone! And I don't want to pressure of people knowing/ turning up or texting me during!! I've also had to tell her and another friend to stop texting me every morning asking how I'm feeling as I know she's fishing!!

Keep it to yourselves and enjoy your special time with DC2!

Brock2015 · 11/12/2015 17:57

We didn't tell anyone when I went into labour. DD was born at 4:15 in the morning and we let close family know at about 9:30 once we'd had a bit of sleep and feeling up to it. The last thing I wanted was family pacing up and down or worrying.

Junosmum · 11/12/2015 18:07

I'd murder DH if he did that! We aren't telling anyone until baby is here. I don't care how they feel about that but I think they'll understand.

Doublebubblebubble · 11/12/2015 18:14

I told everyone when I was having DD (6) - what a nightmare - so when I had my ds I told NO ONE - other than the lovelies on mumsnet (I had to be induced and I was bored for a lot of it lol- ended up being an emcs for extra drama) xx do what you feel is right x

Original poster

Tigs0609 · 11/12/2015 21:36

I've had a chat with DP and we've both agreed that it shall be a more intimate affair this time around! We definitely both want to be more relaxed afterwards and want to bond with the baby on our own for a few hours. Thank you for your replies

OP posts:

Millie2013 · 12/12/2015 17:14

I told both sets of grandparents and a few (very few) close friends, whom I knew wouldn't bother me
Luckily?!? the ward was on lockdown due to the norovirus, which meant we had a few days with just us (I was poorly after the birth), but I engineered it so that mum could have a little peek at DD thru the window (she works at the hospital) :)

ftmsoon · 12/12/2015 17:33

We didn't tell anyone with DD. I couldn't bear the thought of DH's family lining up in the corridor while I was pushing! If we ever get to DC2, I have a secret plan to drop DD with a friend so neither family know again. This is because MIL text us to let us know when she dropped SIL into hospital, despite discussions that she wasn't too!

Ragwort · 12/12/2015 17:41

No - saw absolutely no reason to and luckily it was in the days when FB and even mobile phones weren't that popular. .

We lived miles from family anyway so there was no chance they would turn up unannounced, but even so - I can't understand the mentality of telling anyone, you're having a baby - not providing entertainment .

And no, I wouldn't expect my adult child to tell me.

unimaginativename13 · 12/12/2015 17:46

I would say most people don't tell people they are in labour? They just announce the birth?

Even worse I was booked in for an induction so we told people the day. Cue continuous is the baby here yet - for 4 days!!! People expected me to go in and have the baby by the end of the day.

We just ignored our phones in the end.

But when I was in labour we didn't say anything.

Dixiechick17 · 13/12/2015 04:01

My parents both knew as I had my Mum as my second birthing partner. DH messaged his parents but they live abroad and we knew they wouldn't see the message anyway until the morning, plus they're not the type to bother us for updates. My brother didn't want to know as he said he would just fret and my DH's sister also lives abroad, but didn't tell her until DD arrived.

We were lucky in that she arrived just after 7am, and visiting wasn't until 2. My family are quite respectful and asked first. We just had my Nan, my parents and my brother to visit on that first day.

We were however swamped with visitors in the first week, which was tiring.

unimaginativename13 · 13/12/2015 07:54

We banned visitors for the first week as I'd had a week in hospital so had time with the baby but my DP hadnt so thought it wasn't fair to have his time off work dominated with visitors.

Then I could deal with visitors once he returned to work, it kept me company at least.

People just said let me know when your ready for visitors so we just said as DS was a bit poorly at the hospital we were having visitors from the following week.

goodnessgraciousgoudaoriginal · 28/12/2015 15:23

It wouldn't even occur to me to tell people when I was in labour

Newlywed123 · 28/12/2015 20:34

We told people with our first once Labour was confirmed. Took me 13 hours to get from 6cm to having her and people kept messaging! I had her at 2.19pm and was home by 7pm., so didn't have visitors. I'm due in 6 weeks with Number 2 and I'm not getting anyone know apart from my mum and MIL as she's having our daughter. Will suorise everyone with a joint message after I've had some alone time and showered so I'm not being bothered

lilac3033 · 28/12/2015 20:41

I got guilted into telling my mum. My Dsis told her I wasn't going to tell. However she lives on another continent so couldn't just appear. There were also strict instructions not to text/call/message me or DP. I told her there would be one text and that would be once I was admitted to hospital. I explained that DP would let her know about any complications, otherwise she'd just hear when the baby was born.

aurorie11 · 28/12/2015 20:46

No, eldest was due at grandparents that day anyway, husband dropped him off about 8.15. Then came back and we went to hospital, youngest born just before 11am. Grandparents were a bit surprised, husband collected youngest about 2.30 and we all went home at 5.30pm

Chchchchangeabout · 28/12/2015 20:46

We didn't tell anyone until after both our children safely arrived and we had a bit of recovery time.

SpaghettiMeatballs · 30/12/2015 07:21

We didn't tell anyone the first time which was just lovely. Called them about an hour after she was born when we were ready.

Second time only told the friend who was looking after DD and ILs who were travelling up to take over from friend. Even then we didn't give updates and just rang them along with my parents etc afterwards.

Chasingsquirrels · 30/12/2015 07:34

I had v quick births so no time for telling anyone anyway.
Ds1: both my premises and in laws were out of the country on holiday. Both got back about 3 days after he was born and I told mine then. I think H called his while they were away.

Ds2: we phoned my mum when my waters went, to come over and look after ds1 in case I needed to go to hospital (planned homebirth). He was born in under 15 mins and when she arrived the paramedics (H called 999 after he was born, as midwife hadnt arrived) had just blue lighted up the road. She rushed in and H told her not to worry we were both fine. We all had cuddles and she stayed the night.

Dinobab · 30/12/2015 07:45

We did because i was staying at my mums that night but fortunately everyone was respectful enough to wait until we said it was OK to come to the hospital and visit, I had my side of the family visist a couple of hours after, just my brothers and my dad (my mum was there for the birth) they only stayed a little bit though and DPs dad came later or the next day I can't remember but I didn't want him there right away because I don't really know him and felt a bit uncomfortable trying to breast feed or waddle to the loo to change my pads in front of him so he didn't stay long.
Other relatives- my aunts/uncles/ grandparents cousin etc came to ours a few days to a week later
Was a really quick labour though so no one expected DS to be born yet anyway.

SparklyTinselTits · 30/12/2015 07:52

No. I told my mum that my waters had broken on the Sunday and that I was going in to be induced on the Tuesday, if labour hadn't started on its own Sunday night or Monday. DH rang my parents and his grandma on Tuesday afternoon when DD was born.
I would have gone mad if my mum was texting asking "is there a baby yet?!" While I was in labour

jobrum · 30/12/2015 07:58

I didn't want anyone to know but I went into labour on the day I was due for a second sweep which my dm was driving me to. I'd also mentioned it to my dmil who said she could give me a lift if needed. So we had to tell them and then they told our siblings. I made it clear I didn't want any visitors ar the birth centre but was transfered to hospital. I finally got to the ward about 9.30pm after giving birth at 6pm and my dmil had been waiting at the hospital for a couple of hours, mainly to see if me and dh were alright. I couldn't say no to her having a quick look at the baby (and me!) for 5 mins but I was exhauated and still a bit shocked at what happened and upset that I wasn't snuggled up with dh and dd at the birth centre.

Next time, the only people who know will be those looking after dd and they will have clear instructions not to tell anyone else!

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