Some silly questions

[macdat]

These questions will probably seem stupid, but I've been wondering...

Is an epidural really better? Is it way too painful without one?

I hear stories of women actually tearing during birth, and I'm petrified of this. Is it true there are massages to avoid this?

How embarrassing is it when during labour, doctors are coming to just have a look down there and poking around?

Is it better to have your partner at the top end, instead of him watching the baby coming out? I hear it's horrible to see that.

I've got a while to go, but honestly, I'm not looking forward to it. I'm petrified and considering trying to ask for a c-section. How do women psych themselves up to actually go through with it? I'm a wimp at the best of times and have a low pain threshold, I can't even imagine having to push this baby out. I mean, their heads are massive!

Peering at you bits! I meant to say.

I didn't have an epidural and didn't feel at any point like I needed one. Your body knows how to grow your baby and it knows how to birth it. Obviously there are certain circumstances where intervention is needed and there's certainly no shame in accepting pain relief if you feel you need it. However, if you go into it with a positive and open mind, it will help.

I did hypnobirthing (listening to music and scripts with positive affirmations for several weeks) and I really, honestly think it helped significantly. My labour started spontaneously, was quick (less than 3 hours from being 2cm dilated to delivery) and drug free. Being in the warm water also really helped. I found it kind of scary that my body was doing this huge, amazing thing on its own and was a bit dazed got a couple of days afterwards, but I actually look back on labour itself quite fondly. Yes it hurt but the actual act of pushing was so powerful and satisfying (and actually, I don't recall any pain at this point until he crowned). I'm excited about doing it again one day (hopefully!).

I didn't get into the birthing pool until I started pushing - the midwives didn't realise how far along I was - so my husband just stayed by my side until that point. I did most of my pushing knelt up so again, not much to see. Just before DS crowned the midwife asked me to lean back so she could see... so my DH saw the actual birth too.. Not to mention all the poop and stuff floating round the birthing pool

I can honestly say I wasn't embarrassed for a second of it. I was so engrossed in pushing and being in my own little bubble that I barely registered anyone else being in the room. I had a second degree tear and spent an hour or so being stitched up afterwards but again, couldn't give a shit because I was so busy feeling like a superhero and cuddling my new baby.

Honestly - having a baby is raw, animalistic and magical. Do not fear it.