What is labour like following a previous stillbirth?

[3littlebadgers]

I'm 21 weeks pregnant following the stillbirth of my precious dd2 in March at 40+5. The nights are hard to get through, but the further I get into this pregnancy the more I get flashbacks of my little Angel's birth. Particularly the silence, when they couldn't find her heartbeat and then the silence when she was born Then the more I panic about the birth of this child. So I thought I'd ask you lovely ladies who have been there, or midwives who have worked with mothers giving birth after previous loss, what is it like? Not so much the technical stuff like induction and the like, but more so what is it like in the room. I guess where there any bits that you, or the birthing mother struggled with that I need to prepare myself for and, please don't think I'm nuts for asking this, could you feel your angel with you? I just think if I can prepare myself maybe the anxiety won't be so bad. I am also worried that I will feel guilty doing things with my hopefully live baby that I didn't do for her

I didn't have a still birth but 10 days after ds2 was born my 3 year old dd died very suddenly. I have just had ds3 who is now 6 weeks old and the last 10 weeks of my pregnancy were for me very stressful, panicking that history would repeat itself and that I didn't deserve three live children. After bumping into a midwife at the supermarket and breaking down in tears I was seen the very next day by my consultant who booked me in for an earlier section (all born by section), agreed a private room for afterwards, nothing was to much trouble. On the day it was the head of midwifery who dealt with me, she was also the lady who helped hold me up as we walked to the hospital morgue to see dd and I'm so pleased she was there. The surgeon and anesthetist had also been fully briefed about dd and my high anxiety levels and went over and beyond there duty of care to me. Ds3 is thriving and although it hurts knowing he will never meet his sister we are bonding very well and the anxiety is starting to lessen. I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well. Xx

Thank you so much cathpip. I feel bad asking I know it can be hard to go through all of the details but I really do appreciate you sharing your experiances. It is just all so scary. I go over and over everything in my mind. I know what you mean about not deserving three live children. When my baby died I had a few people say 'maybe you were just meant to have three' but now that I am having another I keep thinking well what if I won't be able to keep this one too?

Hello Badgers I'm so so sorry for the loss of your DD

I didn't have a stillbirth but I've had 3 miscarriages prior to this pregnancy and this will be my first baby.

I'm absolutely terrified and my anxiety levels are through the roof. I get stats given to me and I'm like "well only 1% of women have 3 mcs so I guess you'll forgive me if I don't believe your stats!"

I'm having a c section as I'm so frightened of something going wrong. It has 3 times prior so why is now any different?

So I'm afraid I have no tips for you but I wanted you to know I know exactly how that fear feels.

Big hugs

Thanks Brummie, I completely understand where you are coming from with the stats. Even the smallest % is a realistic chance of something going wrong for me because it already did.
They are wanting to induce me, but if it helps in my mind I see a section as being safer. I guess as they are quicker, and baby goes from being tucked up inside you to surrounded by professionals and life saving machines in seconds.
How long do you have left to go? There is an Angels and rainbows thread for mummies like us that you might find helpful. We all just offer support to eachother. A few rainbows have recently been born. It is keeping me sane at the moment. I didn't want to ask my question there though because I thought it might be too raw and I didn't want to give anyone anything else to worry about.

I chose an induction @37 weeks which helped reduce the anxiety for me - I knew what was happening and when. It also helped to focus on a date after which it would all be over.

The midwives were very caring, but didn't dwell on my history. I had a very experienced midwife who was supported by a student who had not yet delivered a baby and so there was a sense of excitement that somehow broke through the atmosphere of anxiety.

Best wishes

Thank you project. The midwives are lovely. I have been in a couple of times fearing the worst and they have never treated me like I was wasting their time. The plan so far is induction after 38 weeks, which for me means 38 weeks on the dot and for the consultant probably means closer to 39. If I can push for 37 I will. I just don't trust my body to keep my baby safe. I didn't even know my little angel had died. They asked me if I could feel movements and I could. Turns out it was just her jiggling about becuase I was so active, so even the movements I don't trust as a sign of all being ok. I am glad all went well with you and your rainbow x

3littlebadgers I'm so sorry about our baby girl and can understand your anxiety. We lost of 4th baby at 36+4 weeks and he was born 3 days later. In my next pregnancy I had excellent care and a plan to deliver at 36 weeks if I couldn't handle it anymore - I couldn't but the consultant kept pushing me back to 38 or 39 weeks as it would be better for the baby. I knew this but the thought of going that far made me insane so we agreed an induction at 38 exactly with a plan to have a c-section if my labour did not start within so may hours. At the last minute she took me in at 37+5, tried to break my waters which didn't work but started labour and DS3 was born that afternoon.

The consultant and midwives were great but it was a very stressful day and only the knowledge that she wouldn't let me go another day and do the c-section if necessary got me through it. DS didn't cry straight away and the room was quiet but he was OK, the relief was huge although it was incredibly sad at the same time.

I will always say to anyone if our position, do not take no for an answer, if you want something push for it, as long as the baby is well and you are having regular checkup and scans your mental health is just as much a consideration in how things happen.

I wish you all the best and hope everything works out good for you and your baby

I'm sorry you've been through it too
We lost one of our twins at 34 weeks (his brother was safely delivered thank god), so when I was pregnant with DS2 I spent the whole time absolutely terrified something would go wrong. The midwives were lovely, and said I could come in anytime even if it was just for reassurance. I was in and out a lot - every time his movement slowed (was a very active baby!), and they very gently pointed out that they do rest sometimes!

The care I had during labour was excellent, and I had consultant led care throughout. The plan was to have a sweep at 39+5 then induction soon after if that didn't work (they wouldn't let me go past 40+7 if it came to that). The sweep worked, and DS2 arrived the next day.

His birth was so different - I got to hold him straight away (DS1 was whisked to Scbu immediately), and the relief was immense. I barely noticed them stitching the episiotomy!

Our previous loss is why we've stopped at two DC. The stress and anxiety were horrendous, and like you, I didn't believe I was meant to have/deserved 2 DC. We've been through so much to have a sibling for DS1 - also had mmc before falling pregnant with DS2 - and don't think we could handle it again.

I hope it all goes well for you. For what it's worth I feel like our little one is with me always, as that he held on long enough to give his twin the fighting chance. That will never change.

AugustRose thank you so much for your account of your baby's birth. It was very honest and that is what I need so much at the moment. I am prepared for the sadness. As much as I want to hear my baby cry, it will be the start of a great many things we get to share with this child that we missed out on with my daughter.

Ipswichwitch thank you too. I am certain your little one is with you too. I cannot imagine how hard it must have been for you to lose one of your twins. I struggle with other babies wondering what my angel would have been like now, nearly seven months down the line. For you that reminder is always there, not that you would change it, I'm sure, but still it must be hard too. Bitter sweet.

Badgers I remember your posts after your angel was born. It was at a similar time to our loss.

I'm not pregnant yet so cannot answer the questions about coping. However, because dd2 had a chromosomal abnormality my hospital have a care plan in place for me if I do get pregnant with dc3. In that care plan I've said I would want an elcs fairly early. I've basically said I will not go to 40 weeks. I know our issues were completely different but I also know myself and there is no way I would be able to get to 40 weeks without my anxiety being through hte roof.

I would say think about what will ease your anxiety and push for it.

Congratulations on your pregnancy btw.

Thank you Kitty, we both lost our precious dd2s . I hope everything goes well for you in the future