2 difficult births for different reasons

[TyrannosaurusDr1p]

Argh, just had long post vanish. Anyway in a nutshell

DD1: born by ELCS due to footling breech presentation. Immediate and dramatic PND following birth meant I really struggled for first 18 months at least. Always associated the manner of her birth with PND.

DD2: born 11 weeks ago by VBAC. Was always keen for VBAC as wanted birth to be as different as possible.

Unfortunately, she ended up being born by forceps in theatre after getting firmly wedged during lengthy pushing stage. Reasons for this included
-big baby, 98th centile head
-back to back position, and too big to turn on her own. She was trying throughout labour bless her!
-me on my back due to VBAC monitoring

I had quite a few injuries and am still recovering though thankfully no PND. physically, section recovery was much easier.

Basically I'm quite pissed off that people around me seem to pop out babies relatively easily whereas without medical intervention it's unlikely that me and both DDs would be here. I know there are so many factors, but they offered me a section for pity's sake and I said 'no, no I want a VBAC, the recovery will be easier!' I'm aware that what happened to me is really nothing in the grand scheme of things, but does anyone have any similar experiences or advice on accepting what has happened as I'm dwelling on it a bit here?!

Right that's not really 'in a nutshell', apologies for length!

My DD was a forceps delivery and a fourth degree tear. My hospital offered me a 'birth reflections' session with a midwife, where we went through the notes and talked about my delivery and why it went so tits up. I found it very cathartic. Perhaps yours will do that?

I can relate to the feeling that it seems to be easy for the majority.

My first was placenta praevia. They told me it'd move as most do, then at 32 weeks it was 2cm away which the NHS deem as safe. Massive bleed and a crash section which left me needing PTSD treatment to resolve my flashbacks to it.

Now pregnant with DC2 and I have blood antibodies due to the transfusions with DC1 which can cause a disease in the baby. Not delivered yet but it's been a complicated pregnancy. Just feels like a chain of very low odds unlucky events when I've done everything right

Sorry, that wasn't great on the advice side was it, but I can relate.

I don't really agree. Comparing with others is the road to ruin.

1. Sister 1 - emcs after a long labour and failure to progress. Followed by emcs for fottling breech and early labour. Currently pregnant expecting elcs for another breech presentation.

1. Sister 2 - quick and easy birth with "only" 2nd degree tear. 2 miscarriages and now infertile.

1. Sister 3 - 10 years infertility followed by 2 DC at last. Both easy births

I know which one I'd rather be.

I don't really agree. Comparing with others is the road to ruin.

1. Sister 1 - emcs after a long labour and failure to progress. Followed by emcs for fottling breech and early labour. Currently pregnant expecting elcs for another breech presentation.

1. Sister 2 - quick and easy birth with "only" 2nd degree tear. 2 miscarriages and now infertile.

1. Sister 3 - 10 years infertility followed by 2 DC at last. Both easy births

I know which one I'd rather be.

I've also had two difficult births.
First emcs due to foetal distress. I was very leaky after that so I wonder if they bruised my bladder during the op. They also lost my notes.
Second vbac with ventouse and epiepi foetal distress again
Like you I had to labour on my back with monitors which I couldn't do so they screwed something into the babies scalp. My baby was small and perfectly positioned but they only let me push for 5 minutes before declaring foetal distress
I was ok with it at the time but recovery was no walk in the park.. Infection and stitches falling out. I'm terrified about the thought of sex again. Also I keep obsessing about the episotomy even through its healed OK.

Next time I want an elective but will they let me have one I don't know.