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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Talk to me about your toddler being at your homebirth

13 replies

CityDweller · 18/09/2015 15:29

Planning a hb with DC2 (arrival imminent). DD is 2.5. We live in a tiny (and I mean tiny) flat. Hopefully she'll either be in bed asleep or at childcare when I labour and birth, and we have various neighbours and friends on call for if it happens at another time (no family nearby) but we have to accept there's a chance she might be around and will therefore witness the birth (as if she's in the flat and awake there's no way she couldn't - due to the small space and layout). I'm fine with that, and the fact that DH would have to look after her, rather than me.

Anyone had a similar aged child around at a homebirth - how did your toddler handle it? I guess my concerns are that she'll get upset (I made a lot of noise giving birth to her) or want to get in the pool with me (very likely, she loves water more than anything).

OP posts:

Umbrelladilemma · 18/09/2015 15:46

DS was an unplanned home birth and DD who was 3 at the time was there. I'd tried to get hold of a neighbour who said she'd help in an emergency but she wasn't home, and I also had 2 family members on the way who didn't make it in time. In the event, I don't think DD would have been happy to have been taken into different room/place with them. Once my labour was progressing, she was a bit distressed by the contractions - not massively but did sense something was going on and hence wanted to be close to me. However, during the birth itself she just stood back calmly and watched (from a side angle luckily!) and having her there to greet DS was a fantastic experience. She hasn't seemed in any way traumatised by it and in fact at 2.5 I would say your DS is very unlikely to have any memory of the experience.

That was just my experience, anyway. Of course all births differ so it is difficult to generalise.

Original poster

CityDweller · 19/09/2015 13:32

Thanks. I can actually imagine DD just sitting in the corner of the living room, watching Peppa quite happily, while I 'moo' out DC2. I think she'd find that less upsetting than being whisked off by a neighbour or friend who she doesn't know that well - that would make the situation feel more strange or different than if we just kept her at home. And part of me loves the idea of her being around

Any other stories of how it went with a toddler at a hb?

OP posts:

gallicgirl · 19/09/2015 13:44

My DD was 4 so we were able to prepare her. In the event she stayed downstairs watching tv when I went upstairs to get in the pool.
I would strongly recommend having someone present whose sole job is looking after DC1. There were timescwhen DP had to go look after DD rather than support me and it messed up my concentration a bit.

MintyMini · 19/09/2015 13:55

Dd1 was 2.7 and slept through the whole thing - upstairs in 4 bed house though.

I didn't like the idea of telling people I was in labour and packing dd1 of elsewhere so we were expecting her to be in the house and hoped she'd be sleeping. However, I did watch a couple of water births on OBEM and YouTube with her to show her what would happen and told her that the mummies make noise because they are pleased their babies are coming! She seemed ok with it and wasn't stressed or worried at any point watching the footage.

Good luck!

LookingUpAtTheStars · 19/09/2015 13:59

Ds was 4 and slept through everything (small two bed house). He was most surprised and excited when he woke up and found a baby in the house, he still talks about it now!

Original poster

CityDweller · 19/09/2015 14:51

Unfortunately not possible, gallic to have someone else in the flat whose sole responsibility is to look after DD. Flat is genuinely tiny and it would definitely inhibit me to have anyone other than DH/DD and mws around.

OP posts:

MintyMini · 19/09/2015 14:59

Go for it it'll be fine. My MWs were very supportive of dd1 being about. They said they'd been at plenty where the older sibling(s) we're happy to be there and watched Peppa whilst mummy cracked on.

gallicgirl · 19/09/2015 16:07

I thought that when I had DD in our very small flat.

You'd be amazed how many midwives and students you can fit in a small flat. Must have been a quiet spell.

Huge contrast to 2nd birth where midwife was only there for a couple of hours and the 2nd midwife only got there after baby was born.

As Minty said, midwife didn't mind DD being there at all but definitely wanted to know we had someone close by to care for her in case we need to transfer in.

BeautifulLiar · 19/09/2015 16:10

Mine slept through it, both times. And I am loud!

Holidayrash · 19/09/2015 22:48

Mine were well prepared but as things got a little louder they asked to leave. I think it's really important they have that option. We had someone in the house who was just for them.

It's a shame they weren't there - it'll be very special if your DD is there.

Tornupinside · 20/09/2015 16:40

Mine was 5 so hardly a toddler but he was amazing. He slept through most of it and woke up about 3 hours before she was born. He was up and downstairs checking on me and would go off to watch ninjago before returning! He was there when his sister was born and watched her take her first breath. It was a lovely experience because he was there. Has your DD got a TV in her room? Or you? Could you potentially teach her how to use it so she can go watch TV without having to drag your husband off to change the channel?

Original poster

CityDweller · 20/09/2015 18:37

No TV in her room, but she anyway only watches stuff on an iPad (and she's scarily adept at using it). So she could have that upstairs in her room (which in itself would be a massive treat) and DH could pop up and down.

I agree we need the option that if she is at home, but wants to not be here when things heat up (and I get noisy) then she can go elsewhere (hence lots of neighbours/ friends are 'on call').

Anyway, good to know that other older siblings were around and ok with it all. For us it's a case of winging it a bit as so much depends on what time of day (and which day of the week) I go into labour and how long labour lasts - all stuff that's impossible to predict.

OP posts:

LostInMess · 20/09/2015 22:18

Mine also slept through the whole thing first time and were out with GPs the second time - which I was quite pleased about if I'm honest. Made it easier to concentrate, tho I do recall hoping DC3 would get a move on as I wanted to have them home again soon.

Good point about having someone on hand in case you need to transfer in though - there was a worrying moment when they thought DC3
was still breech and we'd have to go in for a CS - luckily he wasn't but I wouldn't have wished to be making arrangements at that stage.

Best of luck.

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