Where to go from here?

[Dappy28]

Through the my first pregnancy, I had an unhealthy fear of childbirth, it caused me lots of anxiety and sleepless nights. I went on to have a traumatic birth with DD1. I then went on to have DD2, this second pregnancy was filled with flash backs from the first birth. Despite nearly everyone telling me it's better second time round I went onto have another traumatic experience. DD2 is 12 weeks old, although I l wouldn't start trying for another baby for at least 18 months (DH and I would like one more) I wonder if anyone has received any sort of help / psychological support for traumatic child birth. If I can't change my outlook I don't think I will be able to have any more children because I can't cope with the stress, worry, anxiety throughout the pregnancy leading up to the birth.

Any suggestions on where to go from here?

Well, one option is to request an elective Caesarian. Many women would do so in your circumstances, and if your consultant won't agree, they have to refer you to one who will. Would you consider a Caesarian?

I had a lovely relaxed elCS after traumatic 1st birth and horrendous recovery. Baby was chilled and untraumatised, I was totally functional on Day 3. It was one of the best decisions of my life. I would definitely recommend it.

I hadn't thought about elCS, this k I have always been put off by the recovery times. Especially now as I would have have two DDs to look after and DHL works away a lot. Something to consider though.

Re recovery times - I was crying in bed from the pain for three weeks following vaginal birth and huge episiotomy, gulping down painkiller pills like candy and getting little relief. Breastfeeding standing up, in tears from the pain, the crawling back into bed gripping the bag of frozen peas in the hope that they would dull the pain a bit. I completely missed the first weeks of DD this way.

After elCS, I was briefly up the first day, pain was very manageable on Day 2, and on Day 3 I was fine. Seriously, didn't even need a paracetamol tablet at that point. Picked up baby, breastfed with ease, enjoyed my tiny newborn. I was driving in a week.

There is absolutely no comparison in recovery times - CS was by far the easier delivery method to recover from for me.

OP I'm 17 days post CS. My 3rd. I'm in no pain whatsoever and am back driving. I'm avoiding heavy lifting, but otherwise back to normal. My older DCs are 5 and 2.9. I taught the younger one how to get in and out of the car and how to manage stairs alone the moment I got my BFP: useful if you want to avoid lifting. My recovery was even faster with my second (driving after 10 days). My first was a bit slower, but I had no other children so had the luxury of wallowing rather than getting on.

Birth Trauma Association?
GP for a referral for counselling?
Specialist tokophobia counsellors privately via BACP?
Hypnotherapy/Hypnobirthing?
Elective C section if these dont work or appeal?

I'd recommend asking for some help. I had an awful first birth - short version, placenta praevia, EMCS and I had a huge blood loss and nearly died. I got over it or so I thought, then I got pregnant with DC2 and it hit me again.
A midwife referred me for PTSD treatment which was EMDR - eye movement therapy. It was tough going over everything again, I nearly didn't go back after session 2,but now I feel much better, and have been discharged at 34 weeks. I actually feel much more confident for going into this birth in general and in control. I'd recommend seeing someone. Good luck