Tokophobia

[JadeFeather]

Hi all

I am not pregnant but hoping to get pregnant in the next two to three years. I am pretty sure I have tokophobia and this gives me anxiety when I think about getting pregnant.

I think my tokophobia has really become apparent since becoming sexually active 2 years ago. I've had a few bouts of thrush and I believe now vulvodynia which have meant my sex life isn't very consistent and after a while of not doing anything it becomes very painful when we do try. When doctors have done Swabs for my thrush I have found it so horrible and I start screaming. When I get waxed down below my therapists are shocked at how sensitive I am (although this has improved a bit now). My point is I am hyper sensitive I think to anyone else doing anything to me down below which is not within my control. For this reason I just cannot imagine giving birth. I mean if I struggle with a doctor putting a thin stick up there how am I going to get a baby out of there? And another thing- When I think about giving birth I start feeling dizzy and faint (I'm typing this lying down so I'm ok- I tried this morning whilst up and about and I started to feel unwell) Is there anyone who has had the same fears I have? Is there anything I can do?

Thanks

One answer: counselling.

If you start having counselling now you may well be past many of these issues by the time it's time to give birth. If you're not, you always have the option of an elective c section for anxiety. But, do try talking therapies whether psychodynamic or CBT approaches.

Yeah I will look into it. I just don't know if it's all psychological. Is there maybe something wrong with me in that I find swab tests so painful?

Also how do I go about this? Do I get a referral from my gp? Are there specialist counsellors for this?

You can go to your GP asking for a longer appointment - that may lead to a referral for CBT or other counselling on the NHS which is free but the wait can be very long depending on where you are and how they rate the urgency of the situation. Your GP can also perhaps help you make sense of whether its all psychological or not - and/or refer to a specialist for that. Again - free, but potential wait, but not as long a wait presumably as a counselling referral.

The other option is to pay privately. That involves absolutely no wait, but of course comes with a hefty price tag depending on where you are located. Here in the Midlands, non London rates would range from 30-40 quid an hour for a session. Try the BACP website for a search for counsellors by post code and specialisations. You arrange that privately and get appointments pretty much when you want. Yes there are specialist counsellors for this - absolutely - psychosexual therapy is a whole field with dozens of subfields. A private few sessions may be much more useful than generic NHS counselling. Of course depnds on your budget.

For the tokophobia - suggest you find a couple of books on childbirth by Sheila Kitzinger and Ina May Gaskin - warmly, softly and assuringly written, they do put birth and birthing in a very different light than what many Western women are used to seeing in the media and hearing/growing up with.

No not just one option.

Counselling is one route. Its not for everyone. Mindfulness or hypnotherapy are other alternatives. NICE do say that they don't yet know what is the best solution.

How do you feel about an ELCS?

I was hysterical at the prospect of giving birth. I couldn't speak about it, so counselling was something of a non-starter for me.

In the end I got an ELCS agreed in practise before getting pregnant and then when I did get pregnant they helped me through the pregnancy with the aid of DH (who was bloody brilliant and there for every appointment). I did this by going to my GP and she referred me to a specialist in birth anxiety at a nearby (not my local) hospital.

There are aspects of an ELCS that you might still struggle with but aspects of control are different so you might be able to cope with.

Counselling never worked for me either. I asked for a c section and got one.

Completely forgot mindfulness and hypnotherapy. Both are things I've used and they have worked absolute wonders where counselling didn't reach. I'm using both right now for my upcoming birth and they've taken me from paralysing tokophobia to an openness and curiosity about the birth process.

Equally as I said an ELCS is another option if you don't want to explore these routes or feel they didn't help.