Feeling sensitive during discussions about birth

[icecreamisawesome]

Has anyone else who had a difficult birth experienced this? Had a difficult birth about 13 months ago but both me and baby we're fine after a few days. I'm still so sensitive when people bring up the topic of birth. I try to avoid the subject but that doesn't always work. It doesn't matter what people say it just makes me feel bad in some way even when they are trying to be helpful. Recently someone told me that they felt sorry for me that week and someone else said my baby had 'put me thru the mill' that week. I know these people were trying to be supportive so I don't understand why I still felt bad after the discussion. I think there is literally nothing they could say that wouldn't make me feel bad in some way. Even if they are talking about someone else's birth and make no reference to DCs birth I still feel a bit upset. Is this normal? Does it go away? Anyone found something that helps? I actually feel fairly positive about DCs birth myself it's just when talking to other people. I'd at least like to be able to talk to other people about their births without feeling so sensitive.

You are not mistaken in your observations. I have noticed this many times - not just around birth but also around feeding. Both birth and feeding can share some features -

1. they both involve a strong social expectation around "ideal" and "less than ideal" when it comes to choices and practices.
2. they both involve a lot of planning, prep and idealising amongst mums as to what they would do or plan to do
3. Both experiences can go any which way and end up being less than ideal or traumatic
4. Both experiences will come up over and again in conversations here and there as the world continues to multiply.

you are not alone. I have seen many people online and offline feel genuinely hurt, or even attacked - if these topics and alternative choices or experiences come up. Some of this I have noticed recently. Its the result of very complex feelings inside ourselves.

I know I have a similar response when people reminisce about their childhood being idyllic, or family holidays with their parents - nobody is talking about my childhood, mind you - but somewhere something compares, and it jars.

Dont feel you need to do anything for others sake but maybe therapy to resolve these issues for your own peace of mind may work?

As I approach the birth of my first baby (With obvioulsy my own individual prep for birth and feeding) - I have recently made the decision to not discuss these with people, not even online. My sister in law feels very upset if someone mentions breastfeeding - to the extent that a comment along the lines of "I am at my BF group this afternoon" can trigger a reaction thats very emotional and personal about her experiences.

Similarly, my partner and I have decided this week not to mention to anybody at all about our hypnobirthing course, even if we just need some tips. It does trigger strong sentiments among others and we dont know, as first timers, how to respond. We might well be in that position in 2 months time, but that is not a bridge we can cross now.

So for our own benefit we have started keeping completely quiet when any topic of birth plans, hypnobirthing, labour plans, feeding etc comes up. Its really working.

So this is just a perspective from the other side to say - you are absolutely not alone. These are strong, powerdul, emotive issues that stay for a long time. You are not wrong to feel triggered. its one of those things where it is sometimes nobody's fault.

I used to feel uncomfortable talking about birth or anything related to it after I had my son. My sister's would bring up funny things that happened when they were in labour and sometimes what I did when I was in labour- I hated it, I could feel the pain again. I couldn't really laugh about it because that was when I was just a couple of hours away from having a bad time.

I found joining Birth Trauma Association on Facebook helped. At first I did find it a bit daunting with everyone talking about their own experiences but it got me used to talking about it again. I still have a bit of 'hurt' when someone mentions something from their experiences that I wanted but didn't end up getting. It wasn't until a debrief that I found everything that was done, was done for the right reasons and for the benefit of both me and my son (little did they tell me at the time). Before that I saw my son's birth as an attack, even if it was quick and I didn't find contractions as bad as I thought, it was still a bad time to me.

Like above said, it's something that provokes such immense emotions that are tied to the experience. Maybe talking through your emotions could help.

My friend had a very traumatic birth, it is evident from the way she speaks about it. She is dealing with it by not only enjoying her baby but also managing her expectations and plans for her next birth. You aren't alone x