Your feelings are valid, OP. please do not doubt yourself over the few posts that imply you should simply be pleased that your baby was OK.
Also, please know that, while your feelings over dc1's birth may colour your attitude towards any future labours, they won't necessarily be the same. Even after this miserable experience you can go on to have a life-affirming and uplifting labour experience, which may restore you.
My first labour left me distressed and angry for various reasons. I thought that I had processed it and come to terms with it (after all, baby was fine, PND is normal etc etc etc). 2y later, during a labour ward tour with a group of 1st timers when nearly due with dc2, the midwife taking us round noticed me getting agitated and angry - before I even realised it myself, I think I was still trying to deny and batten down the hatches defensively. She offered me an appointment with a specialist midwife for a full discussion of my hospital notes and a proper debrief.
The meeting was amazing. We talked for nearly two hours. The midwife listened non-judgementally, was frank when saying that something should not have happened, and fully accepting of my negative feelings. She explained everything in the notes. As you have discovered, it is such a release to at last understand why something was done to you. Suddenly I felt like I had been helped, rather than attacked. Well, with some things, anyway.
Best of all, she gave me explicit permission to say "No" and to demand explanation and clarification. Yes, sometimes things can need emergency response with no time for discussion, but immediately afterwards they can be calmly explained.
I went on to have a good birthing experience with dc2, at the beginning of which I said to the senior midwife "I do not want that midwife anywhere near me" (I recognised her from dc1's birth). My wishes were respected completely. I also told the midwife about some of the most distressing things that had happened with dc1's birth, and asked her to talk me through anything similar, rather than just get on with it, which she did.
My good birthing experience with dc2 wiped away most of my distress over dc1's birthing experience, and turned labour from a frightening prospect to a life-affirming, positive experience. I can honestly say that dc3's birth was an awesome, almost enjoyable experience.
But I'm sure I only got there because I was able to process and understand dc1's birth with the help of the specialist debrief.
Don't get me wrong, the experience hasn't gone away. A few years after dc3 was born I was about to have minor surgery on my ladybits and found myself having some pretty overwhelming flashbacks to being stitched after dc1 was born, so the memories are still there. But it's now just a chapter in my book, rather than the biggest book on my bookshelf, threatening to topple the whole shelf over.
Sorry for the long screed, hope it helps a bit 