Post birth visits - did you travel or get people to come to you?

[misssmilla1]

We're expecting our first in September and I'm trying to figure out what is realistic and what may be a daft idea. My family live 4000 miles away so managing their visits is pretty straight forward (they're not making an appearance until October onwards)

However, the PIL are in the same country, but a 40-60 minute drive each way to ours by car. They'll be busting a gut to meet the new arrival, but they don't drive anymore so it will require some sort of combination of the OH / us picking them up.

The solution I see is:

1. them coming to the hospital. Would require the OH to go pick them up and drop them off, probably hideous traffic (as hospital is in city center) benefit is a) they see pfb soon after he's born b) they won't stay long c) we can manage when they come (not in UK so we know hospital stay will be sometime between 2-5 days)
2. Them coming to our house once I'm out of hospital. Again, would require the OH to go pick them up and drop them off, benefit might be a) a couple of days bonding with me, OH and the pfb before handing him around b) less crazy than hospital but the possible downside is having to manage their visit (they're not the type to make their own tea etc in someone elses house)
3. we (me, OH and pfb) go to their place after he's born. benefit is a) we get to manage when we go, when we can leave etc downside is travel time, and there'll probably be a lag time before we can go as I imagine not feeling up to it.

I have no idea whether 3) is even possible. After giving birth (and it could well be a C section as the baby continues to be breech atm) I'm assuming I'll probably want to be in the car as little as possible. Plus, it's a long round trip for a new born, which if we hit traffic delays could turn in to a nightmare.

In the interest of balancing family relations and your own sanity, what would you do?

What's the reason they're not getting the train to see you?

They're both in their late 70's / early 80's and its a 20 minute bus ride to the train they can catch to us, then a 1h40 minute train ride with stairs to get on the platforms. Mil is shaky on her feet after a mini stroke 2 years ago and can't walk far.

Might have to get the BiL to step in - he's permanently useless tho and often lets everyone down at the last minute with arrangements due to him 'being on call' (said in quotes as his job arrangements are pretty opaque and often coincide with family occasions..) which winds the OH up, as he then has to step in at the last minute.

If your OH has to travel to collect them i would wait until at least 2 weeks after the birth. You don't want him to drive when really tired.

It depends how you get on with your in-laws, but we went to stay with my parents for two nights when DD was a week and a half old. They are an hours drive away. Might not work for everyone but I found it was lovely to have a change of scenery and get properly looked after for a bit. Also meant some of my extended family could visit whilst we were there without us having to look after them.

But, I had a straightforward labour and no stitches so not too painful!

I would wait til you are home and settled, we had vistors the day ds was born (homebirth) and would have been nice to have just been alone.

Could you not just say that it would be lovely for them to come and stay. Can you just ask them to cook? Or cook befire you have the baby and freeze it?

Would forking out for a cab to bring them and take them back be possible?

Personally I didn't understand what life with a newborn would be like until it hit me (and I was seriously injured too which I hadn't seen coming either): I was VERY naive to say the least. But once wheels were in motion, there was not turning back. I really needed others to attend MY needs, not the other way round (for some time).

I do understand your IL are elderly. Maybe the hospital visit would be simpler. Hospital deals with your food and there's no laundry at this stage so it's less hectic I think. And being in hospital clearly indicates people come to see you and should attend your needs. Going home is also a little scary: OMG-I'm-on-my-own-looking-after-a-tiny-baby type syndrome.

Difficult. I can foresee you'll be really, really happy when you get your own family's support in October. Even if they only make tea and take the bins out, you'll probably appreciate it A LOT.

While a lot will disagree this, I'd suggest enjoying hospital with just you, baby and husband. We had 4 nights in with our first and it was lovely - no family to visit and we just enjoyed the baby and help from the staff on tap. Set your inlaws up on Skype or FaceTime or something, and give the a buzz now and again.

Once you're home and settled in for a few days, get husband to collect inlaws. Have them for a couple of days, cater from M&S, get husband to make cups of tea. Then get husband return them home.

Inlaws have spent time with baby and are happy. You've looked after them with minimal fuss. You've had a bit of time alone and are happy. You and baby get a bit of peace when he does the taxi-ing. Win, win all round.

Forgot to say, although it scary taking a baby home you feel slightly more prepared after a linger stay in hospital!!