Traumatic childbirth- forceps delivery- third degree- vaginal prolapse-very traumatised

[Natty15]

Hello, I've been dealing with all kind of pains and issues both physically and psychologically ever since I gave birth to my DS.

I had a horrible experience with my doctor who didn't care about my son being in distress or my being with fever after 25 hours labor. The doctor was frankly horrible. The midwife run to called her as she said my baby didn't have long time and when the doctor came to my room she just told her "the next round are about to arrive and they will have to deal with this and make the decision" she then just left without talking to me. Many things like this happened making me think my baby was going to die. In the end I push for over 2 hours and end up having forceps delivery with a third degree tear.

After an incredible painful recovery, more than 3 months and still in pain I have realised I have a vaginal prolapse, back passage and bladder. I'm so very depressed. I feel disgusting and I don't know if sex will ever be an option for me. I cry daily and dear my hubby will be pushed away by me and by lack of sex.

Additionally my tummy is still looking about 5 months pregnant. I didn't put on weight, I'm skinny and tinny with this horrible pregnancy belly. I think my muscles are very lax and when laying down I look flat in the tummy, but as soon as I stand up the tummy goes out like pregnant, not to mention the excess of skin.

I feel so horrible!

My beautiful son is adorable although he is a challenge as he suffer from silent reflux...

I wonder if there are other mums with similar issues and if they ever got resolved?

Thank you

Hi Natty16,
I'm sorry you're going through this. With some differences, I was you 18 months ago.

"I wonder if there are other mums with similar issues and if they ever got resolved?"
Sadly yes and yes and no.

There happens to be another thread running at the moment with women who have been injured in the same way. So yes, there are other mums with similar issues.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/childbirth/2420976-Forceps-and-Third-Degree-Tear-has-ruined-my-life-why-does-nobody-talk-about-the-risks

Do problems get resolved? Yes and no. After 3 months it is impossible to know how far your rehabilitation will go (personnally, at 3 months, I was just starting to walk further than 1/2 a mile from my house-I have a bladder and uterus prolapse). If I remember correctly, laughing was just starting to be painless (sneezing and coughing took much, much longer to get better).

To give you an idea, here are a few milestones in my own rehabilitation.
3 months I could finally walk further than 1/2 mile, I could also walk at a more regular pace (not super slowly anymore)
5 months I feel well enough psychologically to start massaging the scars
7 months I try sex again (on that point I was unlucky because the scaring caused problems and I have now had some surgery to hopefully sort out painful sex-18 months on)
7 months Agonising coccyx pain finally starts receding (I could not sit for any length of time without excruciating pain)
15 months I can drive again (with a ring cushion under my bottom)
18 months I have had surgery and so will try sex again in a few weeks. I will also finally be discharged from hospital very soon.

Problems that perdure: I cannot run anymore (I can trot to catch a bus but I definitely cannot sprint) and I can no longer do high impact sport (dance, aerobics, tennis...).
I suffered urine retention. It is much better but I still need to make sure I fully empty my bladder. Bowel incontinence has completely resolved (I have to stress my tear was initially classified as 3b but later reviewd as 2d degree by colorectal surgeon).

As for your hubby, he really needs to understand you are seriously injured (he should give you support as if you'd been in a car crash). I hope he understands.

All the best.

Hi pinguina16, thanks so much for sharing your experience with me.

I also suffer from urinary retention and struggle to empty my bladder. I had a bloody catheter for a month and now I have to triple void each time.

I also have coccyx pain, I'm hopeful it will go away.

May I ask what type of surgery did you have?

I'm pretty sure I have bladder and rectum prolapse as I can see the bulge from the back and front walls of my vagina.

My scar is painful but I am starting to massage it.

I was seen by dr L Mascarenhas who referred me to the pelvic floor clinic. My appointment is tomorrow and I am exceedingly anxious.

I'm glad to hear you have managed to have sex again. TBH I'm terrified about it and I feel so horrible I don't want hubby to see me.

I hope you are recovering well from your surgery and that soon you feel much better.

I will check the thread you copied here

Thanks so much xx

How did your appointment go? I guess you were asked a lot of questions and had a physical examination. I hope they showed kindness and did their best to answer your questions.

I had a perineorraphy. Under general anaesthetic, in and out same day. They basically reworked the scar so it should be less tight now (Fenton procedure). No problems post op. I'll have to wait a few weeks before intercourse and will have to massage and use dilators first (to soften the scar tissue).
I found the work with my women's health physio was important to give me the confidence to massage my scars. She guided me step by step. I used a small dilator first (for comfort and to build up confidence) and she explained how to massge, how long, how regularly etc. My original physio was not so good unfortunately so I asked to change and I'm now with someone who shows compassion and is also good at breaking things down in small steps.
First time round it took around 2 months for the scar tissue to soften and change (a lot - I was surprised how much it changed). I'm hoping it will be a little faster this time (as I know what I'm doing).

Re coccyx pain, I learnt that not all women's health physios are trained to help with coccyx pain (ie you need someone who has done a specific training). In short, the physio massaged internally to release tension. The first few times were very painful (like very strong period pains) and I experienced referred pain (physio was massaging one area and yet the pain I experienced was located elsewhere-very strange experience). Again, it took around 2 months before the chronic pain started to recede but I was so grateful when it did!!!

I relate to how you feel. It is how I felt for months after my birth. I started getting better (slowly feeling less horrified) when things started to improve physically. It is a very slow process and you need to be accompanied (mainly by physio). Things will not stay the same but it will probably take at least 6 months to change significantly enough and then probably another 6 months after that for you to feel a little bit like your old self.

Let us know how you got on.