Has anyone regretted a home birth?

[WonkyDonkBonk]

I'm expecting DC2 in December and had a very straightforward birth last time at a MLU so my midwife suggested a home birth. At first I dismissed it, but it has been rolling around in the back of my head. There are lots of people saying how wonderful and calm a home birth is and I don't think I have ever read any negative comments.

I wondered whether anyone out there didn't enjoy it or found it a logistical nightmare.

We live about 10 minutes away from hospital by car.

Thanks in advance.

Midwives can be as quick to transfer as they like, they can't make an ambulance appear by magic and before someone pipes up, even being 5 minutes away in an ambulance is not as quick as being in the hospital itself.

Many women have wonderful home births, but when things go wrong, they go horribly wrong, often with far poorer outcomes then if the baby had been born in hospital.

My second child was born at home on Christmas Day. It was lovely, calm and serene. Don't get me wrong..labour is still labour..but I was in my own place..with my own things and my own food. My mum had the most wonderful Christmas dinner ready for us right after she was born.

I would have had my third child at home too but I 42 when I became pregnant. I was deemed too old to have a safe home birth sadly.

loads of people have the most beautiful home birth. I would've fucking LOVED to be at home, with people who loved me looking after me, in my own space.

But also, when my baby went into distress, I was glad I had the option of an emergency section to whip him out. And even then, his APGAR was 1. He would have died if I'd have been at home.

I'm not happy to play with those statistics.

The enormous Place Of Birth study took account of the fact that high risk cases would end up in hospital and still found that for other than first births home births were as safe for baby and safer for the mother iirc. For first births they were marginally less safe.

I like evidence eurochick. I really do.

But if I was that 0.1% or whatever I'd be fucking gutted if I chose to be away from medical assistance.

i admit, I'm very anxious!

I wish people would stop trotting out the idea that low risk cases which have to be transferred end up being listed as hospital births, and hence this means that by definition hospitals show higher mortality rates. This is not so, which is why stats can show home birth CS rates - they are not taking place in the woman's home.

All this belief does is stop hospitals acknowledging that the care delivered to low risk multiparous women isn't as good as it should be, and that [some] hospitals need to buck their ideas and standards of care up. [rant over]

To answer OP about regrets - no, a thousand times no.

I've had two home births. Both went as well as I could have hoped for and both times they stuck around for a while afterwards, plenty long enough for two feeds. With the first one, my community midwife also popped in before she started her usual shift!

DC 1 in hospital: first midwife largely ignored what I wanted and in general ignored me. After a shift change, the second midwife was much nicer but very inexperienced and I tore quite badly.

I had the rest of the DC at home. The midwives were fantastic and the births went really well despite the babies being big.

Over the years I've heard lots of stories where the mother has gone into hospital and things start to happen that don't happen at home. I think it's called the 'cascade of intervention' and it was something I was very keen to avoid.

Two things really, having had two hospital births and a home birth in between.

1. It was far far nicer being at home, the hospital experience was appalling both times for me. That's not to say it would be for other people but I struggled big time.

1. It hurts, and you can't have an epidural, so that's partly why I went into hospital again for the third one.

I wish I'd stayed at home in hindsight but it wasn't practical, the house was a tip, no space for anyone or anything.

I would certainly go for it if you are near-ish to a hospital in case of an emergency, such as PPH etc, and if you can manage without an epidural.

I loved my home birth, it was wonderful but minutes do count and although I live very close to the hospital that fact would worry me. So I loved it but would I do it again.

Both of my DC were planned home births.

DC1- long back to back labour, exhausted, was transferred to hospital 20 mins before birth. Was spaced out on pethidine, never managed to breast feed, struggled to bond with the baby. I had significant tears. Went home nearly straightaway after, and had family turning up straightaway. A day in hospital could have made a big difference.

DC2- my birth plan was putting DC1 to bed (only a year old), having a takeaway, having a bath then having a baby, with DC 1 meeting them in the morning having slept through. And that's what happened. Didn't enjoy it at the time, but it was lovely afterwards. Midwives stayed and helped me breastfeed, family less bothered about DC2 (in a good way).

Both mine were hospital births, although my midwife suggested home birth for my second I live 20 minutes from the nearest hospital and that worries me. I'm glad I didn't, as DD was 11lb and her shoulders got stuck. She went into distress very quickly, and it was only because I had an excellent midwife who listened to me that she was born safely. I'll never forget the panic of having a medical team round my bed shoving consent forms at me as they rushed me into theatre, they were excellent and I'm glad I was in hospital.

I practiced Hypnobirthing and my labour in hospital was really lovely, I was left alone with only one internal - would that be an option for you if you don't want too much intervention?

The above said, my friend had two wonderful home births so for every horror story, you'll find a positive. Good luck whatever you decide.

Just a note that there are no actual first-person regrets of having a home birth above. Lots of 'scare stories' being told second hand, or women saying 'if I'd been at home, baby would have died', which of course is hard to know for a fact.

But, ultimately, you just have to do what you're comfortable with. If you think you'd feel more comfortable or safer in hospital, then it's fine to choose that, even if mw has recommended a hb.

(I had a hb w/ DC1 and it was all very straight-forward. My primary motivation was that I knew I'd have the undivided attention of a mw at home, unlike at hospital, would avoid the 'cascade of interventions', and being at home sounded much nicer to me than having to travel to hospital in labour and then back again with a newborn. However, at even the slightest whiff of a problem, I would have transferred, obviously).

My first planned homebirth was long but doable, although I had to transfer afterwards for a retained placenta.

Second time around I had to transfer in labour because DS just wasn't descending despite strong contractions and full dilation. Turns out he was brow presentation (and big) and I ended up needing an emcs.

I still have no regrets. Being at home with the full attention of two experienced midwives was a great way to labour and I felt like I was in excellent hands. I live 5 mins drive from hospital.

You are pretty close to a hospital. I think it's wise to pack a hospital bag and keep an open mind. Go for it!

Agreed city dweller.
It's important to remember that everything has an element of risk. There are a lot of people out there who have very strong opinions about home birth who haven't really done much research into it but just 'know' it's 'riskier' because they make an assumption that being in a hospital is safer because you're closer to interventions.
I had several family members who made their opinions very clear on the matter but who hadn't really done any research into it but just shared stories of someone who needed an EMCS etc without taking into account that person had been induced etc.

Op the decision about where to have your baby can be an emotive one. The stats can be difficult to wade through and the actual implications of either not that clear.

With my kids, a took a risk based approach. There is always a risk, its about understanding what risks are there and what level I would be comfortable with.

The questions I would want answers to are as follows:

Is it a first baby? If not, what was the first delivery like?
How far timewise am I from a hospital ward (factor time realising help is needed, time for help to arrive, time for transfer etc)
How many midwives attend homebirth in my area, how experienced are they, do they arrive on time, what is their success rate
Is my pregnancy etc straight forward with no complications
Why do I want a homebirth, what benefits
will I get over the alternatives

Congratulations

Just to add also, the only first-hand story I have of an unpredicted terrible birth outcome (still birth) happened in hospital because they were understaffed (and ruled negligent). You could argue that the outcome would have been positive had it been a homebirth. But, who knows...

I did have a borderline PPH after it I should say but it stopped after an injection. Apparently there was a degree of panic among the MWs but I didn't notice as I was too traumatised by the pain.

Luckily no one uttered the words 'manual removal' but had they done so I would probably, in my altered state, have assumed they were going back in for the instruction booklet

I'm so sorry to all the women who had bad births and to the experiences of others that are being shared, so sad

I think it's not for everyone. I had an amazing home birth. She was at a funny angle so took a long time to actually be pushed out but she was quite happy in there and I was ok.

Please go with your gut feeling, whether that's home or hospital. Don't let other people's bad experiences put you off as we are all individuals and each birth is individual!

Best of luck with your choice OP and congratulations xx

Oh I should also add, for my home birth I had 3 midwives with me (it's a home birth team so they weren't taken from hospital and I got lucky that night)

For my hospital birth, they were so understaffed that they were running between mine and another room for delivery. Our babies were born one minute apart and it was literally running in and out, in and out...

There is risk in everything. You have to decide which risks are the ones you can live with.

The stats show you are just as safe at home on in an MLU (whether or not freestanding) if you are a low risk second time mother. The risks for a fourth birth after 3 sections are totally and utterly different, and like comparing apples and oranges.

That said, if you would feel awful if something went wrong at home (and feel that the place somehow 'caused' it, even if it didn't and even if being in hospital is just as likely to cause a problem) then go to the MLU again.

For me, my first birth was horrendous and nothing short of a scheduled time in the OR could have convinced me to voluntarily set foot in there again (obviously, any complications and I'd have gone like a shot). For me, the impact on my mental health was a big factor in the two subsequent HB's.

I had a hb that 'went wrong'.

Do I regret it? No.

Would I do it again? 100% yes.

It can't have gone very wrong, then. If a permanent damage happened to your baby, I bet you would regret it.

In the hospital, you are taking a chance on your own well-being - you might be immobile and uncomfortable, personnel might be dismissive and uncaring towards you, they might go at you with forceps or be inclined to do an episiotomy, you will not be in the comfort of your lovely home, etc.

In a home birth, you are taking a chance on your baby's well-being - if she goes into distress, you are miles from an ICU or even a medical doctor. You won't get immediate emergency CS. Your baby won't be whisked away to be resuscitated.

To each their own, but let's not pretend that the risks are the same or even similar in both settings.

And I say all this as someone whose first birth in a hospital was awful and traumatic.

That isn't what the studies show on risk though Cote.

I happen to know someone whose baby would probably have survived at home but died in hospital. This was because of the care model rather than the location, but you are obviously choosing the whole package not an idealised version of it.

I attempted two homebirths. First was a proper blue light, emergency transfer after 4hrs of pushing. Second, I transferred in much, much earlier in our own car when I knew that things were likely going the same way. I was right. Both babies born by emergency caesarean.

I don't regret it because it was what it was and I've accepted that my experiences were down to the peculiar sets of circumstances on those days. I do regret never having my 'ideal' birth and for a time was gripped by sadness, ptsd and guilt.

You have to make the decision that is right for you. You have to wholeheartedly accept any risk and you have to go in with an open mind. Transferring in is not a failure. Hospital births are not the enemy. You already sound like you have a good, positive attitude to the whole thing OP. Positive childbirth does not come from achieving the ideal but from feeling supported and empowered within the birth fate hands to you.