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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Would you have a baby for someone else?

39 replies

Ghosty · 29/04/2004 21:45

I don't know if the 'surragacy' thing has been talked about much here but I thought I would open a new discussion.
I met a lady yesterday who had a baby for her friend who couldn't have children.
She has had 6 children and I think it was either the 3rd or 4th that she had for her friend.
The child is her and her partner's biological son and they planned it all from conception to adoption. The boy, who is now 6 years old, was the only one of her children born by C/S (she felt she wouldn't bond with him if she had a section) and was taken home from the hospital by her friends. He was officially adopted by them. It is what they call an Open Adoption in that the birth parents stay in touch with the child and his adopted parents. The boy knows who his biological parents are.
The story just blew me away ...
It is such a wonderful gift that she gave her friends and I would love to be able to do something like that for someone ........
BUT ... I don't think I could ...
What about you??

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expatinscotland · 20/04/2005 23:15

No. TBH I don't particularly enjoy being pregnant. I get lots of nasty side effects.

Gomez · 20/04/2005 23:16

No way - I loathe being pregnant and as soon as my girls were out they were MY girls!

Toothache · 20/04/2005 23:26

Ghosty - how bizarre, I'd never noticed a discussion on here about it either so started one tonight about egg donation and surragacy! Is there something in the air?

I would be a surragate for a friend if they couldn't carry a child. but I think it would have to be their egg and their Dh's sperm. If it was my egg then I'd feel too attached.

The worst thing that I could've imagined being told is that I couldn't carry a child. Thankfully that wasn't the case, but I'd would LOVE to give that gift to someone else.

SleepyJess · 20/04/2005 23:38

I would love to be able to do it for my friend who has had 14 miscarriages (host surragacy.. her egg, her DH's sperm) but I don't think I've got what it would take.

I am afraid that despite the baby not being mine.. (and me certainly not wanting another baby!).. that the whole process would screw me up emotionally.. because my body would tell me it was mine etc.

The effects of trying get pregnant.. (IVF etc although without the egg stimulation etc on my part obv).. staying pregnant.. and being pregnant would be too much pressure on my already pushed-to-the-limit family life (special needs etc.)

I also don't deal with giving birth all that well.. but I would do it if this were the only consideration.

I feel I shoulddo it really. I am the 'obvious choice' out of her friends.. I carry babies to term. But I know I can't do it.

jenkel · 21/04/2005 00:24

I've been through IVF several times, so understand the total heartache of desperatly wanting a child. I so admire people that do this, but after being so fortunate to have my own 2 children there is no way that I could do it, I just couldnt hand a child that had been inside me for months over to somebody else. The pregnancy thing wouldnt bother me as I loved every minute of being pregnant.

DH was almost adopted, his mother was very young and had no maternal feelings and was on her own. She was initially quite happy to hand her baby over until she gave birth and then the love she felt for him just overwhelmed her and she couldnt do it.

bloss · 21/04/2005 04:55

Message withdrawn

FairyMum · 21/04/2005 07:14

The only person I would do this for is my own siblings and obviously not biologically mine. I would not do egg donation nor would I want DH to do sperm donation. It would be too much of me and DH I feel. I changed my opinion on that after I had my children. I wonder if people who donated egg/sperm before having their own children sometimes regret/find it difficult when they hold their own child. Do they somehow feel more of a link to the sperm/egg they gave away? I know I would.

FairyMum · 21/04/2005 07:14

FairyMum · 21/04/2005 07:15

Sorry, I don't think my post is so interesting you have to do it three times....

SecondhandRose · 21/04/2005 08:10

I seriously considered it for a friend a one point. She has tried everything to have a baby. She unfortunately made the mistake of telling me if she had a baby she would go back to work afterwards and I really didn't want to mention it to her after that so I never did.

sandycheeks · 21/04/2005 13:44

I would consider doing it for my brother or sister provided that the baby was not biologically mine or dh. Would not consider being a surrogate if I had to use my own egg or dh's sperm. The emotional risk would be to high!

chipmonkey · 21/04/2005 14:43

If the baby were not biologically mine I THINK I could do it. But you never know, maybe the hormones would kick in and I'd feel terrible handing over the baby.

expatinscotland · 21/04/2005 15:08

NO WAY I could do it if it were biologically my own. I'd always be thinking about my baby, 'Is she okay?' 'Are they treating her well?' And that I, her mummy, wasn't there to keep her warm and make sure she was as safe.

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