Left induction today now freaking out

[SuperMumTum]

So I have been having additional scans due to large baby but all has been fine. On Monday the consultant decided growth was slowing and baby needed out. So I was booked for induction today at 40wks. I wasn't happy about it but the emotional blackmail regarding potential still birth was enough to get me to agree. So I get my head around it and turn up today to find induction suite busy and student midwife allocated to me doesn't know anything. I'm pretty relaxed but eventually lots of fuss getting the pessary in and then panic that baby might be breach and taking pessary back out while I have another scan (baby is not breach and is a perfect position, cord and placenta are healthy and still plenty of fluid) leads me to refuse any further induction today. I actually started to really freak out, was crying and couldn't calm down. Midwives clearly had better things to worry about but luckily my doctors were called and they were nice and understanding.
So now I'm at home and really questioning everything. Part of me wants to go into hiding and never go back there and give birth on my own in the woods and part of me wants to insist on a c section. I'm worried about my baby but I'm absolutely petrified of a whole cascade of intervention and losing control of everything. I'm also, slightly irrationally, afraid of dying and leaving my children motherless. DP has been good but I can tell he's a bit stressed out by my breakdown and the subsequent uncertainty over the baby. He is very much the type to follow every piece of medical advice without question. What should I do?

Sorry for lack of paragraphs. Just needed to get it all down.

If I were you, I'd ask to go speak to the consultant tomorrow if you can. Take your DH with you and have a calm (as possible) conversation about your options. Is growth the only issue? Not that, that isn't significant but I'm just wondering if there are any other factors.
FWIW I had an induction at 38 weeks (GD) and my DS was smaller than they predicted. I did have a vaginal birth (I was convinced an induction that early would end in a section).
Assess the facts for yourself and do what's right for you. I know how hard/scary it is (I got the still birth talk too) and I wish you the best of luck. You know everything is okay for now though so try to have a chilled night.

Thanks magpie. I need to sleep tonight and try and approach it rationally tomorrow.

Nice relaxing bath and an early night, then do what Magpie said.

I called a halt to my induction and had a section instead. It was fine.

It feels really, really important now, and then when your baby turns up, the birth isn't important at all, as long as both of you come out of it in one piece.

Do you want to try for a vaginal delivery?

So has a plan been put into place for you now?

Your consultant is very unlikely to be around till Monday. There will be a consultant on call, but they may be at home rather than in the hospital.

You'd be able to talk to a supervisor of midwives.

You poor thing.
I'm confused as to the reason for induction though. If the sorry was that baby was too big then why is growth slowing a risk? Is it that they feel the placenta isn't functioning at full capacity?
I totally understand why you're terrified, especially after your experience today x

sounds bit like my situation and how i feel.

im 38weeks and baby was 9lb 3 at growth scan other day. i also have lot of fluid and im 42

all along ive said i want to go to the mlu and they have said this is ok itsy choice untill this fluid problem. now im seeing many random midwifes and consultants and the level of incompetence is making me very angry. one guy secretly wrote on my notes induction at t+10 days without discusing it with me. sorted that out then another said i have to go on monitored maternity unit not mlu but that has never been told to me. then as soon as i welled up he changed his mind. im like wth! now my notes say mlu and consultant appointment to discuss options at 42 weeks. now obviously if i turn up at mlu with espected 10lb baby and excess fluid im not gona be alowed to stay there so i have no idea what will happen to me. i feel like these consultants have all passed the buck coz they dont wana deal with me coz im not the sheep type and i wont be pushed into things i dont want. so what im suposed to do now i dont know i have no idea where ill end up i ferl like going into a field alone to give birth coz i dont wana go to the hospital coz i dont trust them

i understand completely where your comin from

Thanks all. I had a normal-ish vaginal delivery 3 years ago with DD so I don't particularly want a section but I wasn't induced or intervened with at all until the last minute (ventuse) so it all felt ok. What happened yesterday did not feel ok at all and it was the very first bit. I know it doesn't matter that much as long as the outcome is fine and I'm trying not be precious and just get on with it but part of my panic was that we wouldn't survive and when that set in I couldn't get myself back together again.
Yes the reason for induction at EDD was just growth slowing down and nothing else. I too didn't think this would be a bad thing seeing as baby has been measuring big but they thought the placenta might fail. No sign of that yesterday though.
The way we left it yesterday was that I will go back in for a barrage of tests and scans on Monday and to see the consultant. I think will expect me to have a stretch and sweep at the very least. To be honest I don't want them anywhere near me after the student midwife spent an age rummaging around for my cervix yesterday but I might agree if an experienced midwife can do it efficiently.
Thanks again. Feel a bit better after a sleep but still anxious.

It all depends if you're OK with a section or not. I was, so when things started going the same way with DS2 as they did with DS1, I refused any intervention, which basically meant I had to have a section, as they baby had to come now out for various reasons.

Only you know which choice is best for you. I know people who've had inductions that went just fine, and inductions that were not great.

I really hope it works out well.

Make it clear you will only accept fully qualified staff doing any procedures. I have this written big and bold on my birth plan. I don't mind students observing, but I don't want them rummaging around without a clue!

I had a much better experience today. Spent a couple of hours in the Day Assessment Unit having heart rate monitored, another scan to check fluid and all the rest of the standard tests. Everything is perfect and there is no sign of baby being distressed. I managed to keep myself together and also articulate my concerns a lot better.
The consultant (probably the 5th different doctor i have seen) was really sensible and I was very pleased. He agreed with me, to an extent, that they have been creating problems that don't necessarily exisit by scanning me so much and that there has been an unnecessary level of scaremongering. He was happy to let me go another week without further intervention as long as I pay very close attention to baby's movements and report any concerns. He noted that if he wanted to protect himself he would push for induction but felt that I was capable of assessing risk appropriately.
I had a sweep and my cervix remains tightly shut but I came away so happy and relieved that a common sense, evidence based decision was reached although I am still really cross with the previous doctor who bullied and threatened me into agreeing to induction a week ago.
Thank you all for your help, fingers crossed for a straightforward birth soon.

that sounds so much better! hope mine gets sorted out same way

That does sound so much better. Take time to relax and look after yourself - it has been quite stressful!