"C section mums are brave"

[GuiltyAsAGirlCanBe]

Just saw this post on FB and it brought a tear to my eye - I had a cs for breech, and I was upset at the time I didn't get my perfect birth.
www.cordmama.com/blog/2015/4/8/three-truths-about-c-section-mamas

This is the boy that got me:

She know that in this moment, this is what is best for her child, even though â??whatâ??s bestâ?? means a major surgery with real wounds and scars. Even though â??whatâ??s bestâ?? means letting go of a dream or a vision of birth that sheâ??s been building up for the last nine months.

Bit not boy!

But for me it WAS a perfect birth because it facilitated the safe arrival of our long awaited child. I had no choice in the situation.

I don't think of it any other way.

That was my feelings at the time - I think they are totally wrong now tho.

I do think many people feel the pressure - to have what "society" sees as the perfect birth. There is nothing wrong with acknowledging that.

For me a c-section is the perfect birth

It was the only option for me. I'd been in hospital in labour for two days and was exhausted. DD was not moving, and I was not dilated enough. I'd had in induction, I'd had my waters broken and generally been poked and prodded about like nobody's business.
Eventually a rather brusque doctor said I could have an EMCS. DD was delivered safely in a matter of minutes. I don't feel at all cheated but then again, I'm not one to bow to the pressures of society.

I saw that too. After my emcs I did get a lot of comments about it being easy, was it done to keep my figure (as DS was prem), too posh to push etc. People did shut up when I told them it was because I was about an hour from dying. People just don't think sometimes.

You're all brave however you give birth

I think all birth is brave. It is an exercise in total uncertainty in a time when we struggle hugely with how little we can really control.

I was greatful of mine. Dd2 was not coming out and I was in agony. When her heart beat went down and they said ES was the only option I was glad.

It really doesn't mean you had the ultimate Mother Earth birthing experience if you deliver naturally.

Dd1 was a vaginal birth and i didn't find that particularly pleasent either.

Sorry you didn't get the birth you were hoping for OP.

For me, the consultant said CS was best for DS, and this was fine by me - even though I'd prepared for a natural birth as best I could (yoga classes, natural pain relief etc.). In the end it was a lovely experience - tears in my eyes when I first saw him, very moving. The surgeon did a wonderful job, my post operative recovery was brilliant, you can hardly see the scar. I have a chocolate overhang, but no CS overhang!

One friend who's had one VB and one CS said "it's really just a case of where you want the stitches to hurt afterwards!" But not being fatuous, it's luck of the draw - I've had friends who've had great VBs, friends who've had terrible, traumatising ones, friends who've had great CSs, friends who've had post-operative infections and a dreadful time.

I had a dreadful VB which I think fed my later PND. I think I was "brave" as it happens...

Oh I remember when I had DC1 and the obstetrician (sp?) came to see me and said, "Ah! So you are the failed vaginal delivery, failed ventouse, failed forceps".

I'm not sure he could've got the word "failed" into that sentence any more

I felt such a failure.

And to be honest I'm not sure I have ever got over that feeling that I failed, even though I have 2 beuatiful DC (after two emergency sections)

What lurcio said. Especially comparing vb with cs. You get what you get. That can be wonderful or horrendous in either scenario.

bitoutofpractice
Technically the 'failure' was theirs for the ventouse and forceps as there really isn't much you can do bar a few supplementary pushes.

I'm sure you're right Roly "technically"

But you must surely be able to imagine how that made me feel post partum after many many hours of pushing?

Well I wasn't brave. I really wanted a caesarean because all the signs were showing that DS1 was too big for me to deliver normally. Every time I mentioned it I was fobbed off. I was terrified that one or both of us would not survive the planned VB. I accepted that if we did the least I could expect was for my most delicate parts to be horrifically torn. When, predictably, they decided on a section after he started getting distressed and it turned out I was only 3cm after 12 hours on syntocinon - because, well, who'd have thought it? He was too big to descend any further - I was absolutely fucking delighted. (I wasn't delighted that he was distressed, of course, just that given that he was, I wasn't going to have to go through with it).

I wasn't brave with DC2 either. Or DC3.

Imagine the outrage from mothers who had a c-section if those three "truths" were written about mothers who had a vaginal birth.

I agree that all birth is brave, simply because you are, to a great extent, surrendering yourself to the unknown. There is no way to tell how a birth will turn out and all the preparation in the world can only get you so far.

Yes, I was disappointed that I didn't get the calm, natural birth I wanted, but DD was in a completely undeliverable position. 50 hours, the maximum dose of syntocin and a failed ventouse later, any courage I did or didn't have made no difference at all to the fact that an emcs was the only way she was coming out.

I don't understand SoupDragon? What do you mean?

bitoutof that is awful!what a wanker!

Aren't we told through various avenues that vaginal births without anaesthesia ARE the strong, brave and beautiful option anyway Soup? Isn't that the birth ideal?

I thought it was a good article for people who are struggling with sad feelings after an EMCS. We all know all that matters is that you and your baby are well, but sometimes I the wee small hours your heart shouts louder than your head (and mine was shouting 'FAILUUUURE').

I see what the article is getting at, but my reaction was just that I don't want my births (one VB, one CS) labelled in any way, positively or negatively.

I don't understand SoupDragon? What do you mean?

What's not to understand? If you said mothers who have had vaginal births are brave, that they are beautiful and that they are strong, there would be uproar from mothers who have had c-sections saying that they are all of those things too and that they are being made to feel crap because of the article.

Aren't we told through various avenues that vaginal births without anaesthesia ARE the strong, brave and beautiful option anyway Soup?

On MN you aren't allowed to express delight at your own vaginal birth experience for fear of making others feel crap - you see it all the time. You aren't allowed to feel personally "proud" of a "natural" birth in case you upset mothers who had an epidural, EMCS, ELCS etc. You aren't allowed to say the things in that article about a vaginal birth. You aren't even allowed to call it a natural birth even though it is as nature intended. I am not anti CS at all and make no judgements. I just find the apparent double standards interesting.

I can guarantee that posting an article praising mothers who have had a vaginal birth would result in a thread full of insults and complaints of having been made to feel crap.

All completely unnecessary.