supporting someone who has had a forceps delivery

[je33]

Hi... first post and im posting to see if my idea will help my sister in law.

I had a forceps delivery 7 weeks ago. Found it quite traumatic and i tore... but enough about that! My sister in law has just had a forceps delivery too. Now i didnt tell her what i went through i didnt want to scare her and hoped she would have a better experience...

What i was thinking of doing was when i have the green light to visit from her. I was thinking if i get a chance to share with her quietly just us two what worked for me to cope best i could with the pain and keeping down stairs clean. Just share what i found helped. Do you think that would be an okay thing to do. I know i appreciated a friend of mine telling me. Or being a new mum myself i know she will, like i was, be a bit emotional etc should i leave it. Already wondering if i should have just told her what i went through when she asked. I just lied and said it was all fine thinking i sure wouldnt want to hear my story if i was about to have a baby. So thought id get a second opinion. I know i appreciated a friend giving me tips on recovering after a traumatic birth but others might not? I just dont want to upset her i guess? Maybe im over thinking it..

Well, I wouldn't assume that her delivery was exactly like yours and that she has any of the same issues, unless you know exactly what happened during her delivery. I would just wait to see what she wants to talk about and go from there. Anything else would be making large assumptions about how she's feeling. Not everyone will react in the same way to becoming a mother, so don't assume she will be feeling the same way as you did.

It also depends how close you are - if you are normally close and would discuss very personal things then that's fine, but if not then she might feel uncomfortable talking about it with you. Again, just respond to what she wants to talk about. You can ask her how she's feeling, if she's got any pain or whatever, and then see whether she wants to talk about it.

I wouldn't unless she asks for advice. I had a forceps delivery and had to be cut. I don't think my birth was that bad now looking back. At the time I probably thought it was horrendous though. Everyone is different just let it play out and don't over think the situation.

I expect she will talk about it with you but don't feel bad for not saying how bad it was. No one told me - it's only now that everyone I know is like oh yeah I had stitches too. It's an unspoken rule you don't tell pregnant women the gory details.
You could give her some gifts-my Sil gave me some Epsom salts; lavender oil, witch hazel are also good. The other Sil got me some nice soft knickers.

I'd let her know that you had forceps too. I'm sure she will understand (and appreciate) your earlier reticence. You'll need to be sensitive to her reaction to decide whether to talk any further about it. She may or may not want to go there..