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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Horrible first delivery expierence- depressed. help

17 replies

ELish1988 · 04/04/2015 19:52

I was two days shy of being 2 weeks being over due and was induced early. Labour was horrible! Everything I didn't want to happen did- apart from a c-section, which in hindsight seems almost appealing. Contractions went from 0-80 in pain. Nothing they gave me helped and I ended up begging for an epidural, something I swore I didn't want. When it came time to push I only pushed for about two hours before a trigger happy doctor came in and decided 'forceps' were the way to go. I ended up losing 700 ml of blood, had to get a transfusion, couldn't properly feed my son as I was poked and bleed all the time. It took 4 days before I was even discharged.
The pain after wasn't too horrible, just uncomfortable to sit. Hubby has been taking great care of me and little one. Now, two weeks after my stitches have fallen out- despite doing everything I was told to do. They say its superficial and should heal by itself but there is a chance I might get restitched and see a specialist. I've been put on antibiotics, just as a precaution. I don't think I could mentally handle if I had to have more surgery. I am trying to remind myself that it'll take time to heal but I find myself crying all the time in secret as not to upset my hubby.
Has anyone else had their stitches come out? If so what happened, how long did it take to heal on its on? Any tips to help speed up the process? I'm not in pain, not even taking any pain killers, I just want to feel normal again and be able to care for my son properly.

OP posts:
Roseybee10 · 04/04/2015 19:59

Oh sweetie what a horrible experience. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
I found lavender and milk baths and arnica tablets really helped healing. Also sitting for 20 mins twice a day on a towel with nothing on bottom half to let the wound air really helped. X

Original poster
ELish1988 · 04/04/2015 20:13

Thank you, I will have to try those. Stupid question, are the milk baths just with normal milk? I do the airing after I shower but I've been told to 'keep my legs together' so its making it a bit awkward.

OP posts:
Blazing88 · 04/04/2015 20:17

You have my sympathy. I went through nearly exactly the same with the birth of DD.

However, just to reassure you, I did have a c-section with my second (because of this awful first experience) and it was x10 worse. Much much worse. I wish I'd gone natural again in a heartbeat.

So try not to focus on maybe what you think might have been better. Focus on your baby, the fact both are you are alive and well, and be certain you will feel better in a few weeks time.

To be honest, I don't think anyone is prepared for birth and generally, the only women who talk about it are those who had an easy time. The rest of us don't want to frighten pregnant women!

Gingerandcocoa · 04/04/2015 20:23

Your labour sounds EXACTLY like mine, to each little detail, except I lost 1.5L of blood but didn't need / want a transfusion.

My stitches also opened up, and although I had to have a couple of courses of antibiotics for that, after maybe 4 or 5 months everything was fine. Now after 9 months it's fine, although of course there's a scar down there.

Just try to think of your lovely healthy child, and that things had to happen that way. The midwives and doctors did what was best for you and your baby, and you're both alive and healthy which is the most important thing.

littlesupersparks · 04/04/2015 20:25

You definitely need to contact your hospital about their birth reflections service, hun - maybe not just yet, but you need to talk all this through and get it off your chest.

I found that some midwives and doctors forget that it's a mother's first time negotiating all this when they see it every day.

You poor thing :-(

Novia · 04/04/2015 20:31

Just wanted to say it's horrible straight after, you feel so bleak and upset and sore and frustrated. I had very similar - all my stitches got infected and burst and I had 3 different infections which took weeks to go. The antibiotics then affected baby's digestion, so had that added issue. But despite it all - it did heal and amazingly, re-knitted itself. Not saying it's pretty, but fully functioning and no pain after. Honestly, don't let yourself get depressed and don't panic - it WILL get better and if it doesn't heal perfectly they can and will fix it (and there isn't a rush, so won't be imminent surgery). Best thing I did was get iodine from Amazon and swab the area, then have a warm salt bath twice a day (just deep enough to cover your bits). But please, don't cry on your own - explain how you feel and talk to people. Honestly - it will be okay though - it will reknit itself and in a couple of months all this will be behind you. Chin up. X

EssexGirlLottie · 04/04/2015 20:38

Please don't cry in secret. I didn't have the best birth, ended up being re-admitted to hospital among other things and found generally the first few weeks very traumatic. However, I made sure I always told my DH if I'd had a bad day or, at the very beginning, just made sure he knew how I felt. It's what got me through it. I understand you don't want to upset him but you need his support and I'm sure he would be heartbroken if he knew. It will get better I promise

Original poster
ELish1988 · 04/04/2015 21:52

Thank you all for the kind words of advice. Logically I know everything will be okay down the road. Its just nice to hear those with similar experiences were okay and have some tips. I try to explain to my hubby how I'm feeling but he just tells me I'm beautiful and loves me no matter what, which just upsets me even more- silly as it seems.

OP posts:
Roseybee10 · 04/04/2015 23:40

It's still so soon after birth too. I had a very easy second delivery (not as pleasant a first one) 8 weeks ago with a small tear than needed no stitches and I would say it still took me about 6 weeks to feel even semi 'normal' physically again between the tear, bleeding, boobs, pelvic floor and othe random aches and pains.
I think it took about 2-3 months after dd1 to feel in any way physically normal so although I know that seems ages, you will feel yourself again, I promise.

And Yeh, the milk is just normal stuff from your fridge. Apparently it helps the lavender dissolve better in the water. X

susie04 · 08/04/2015 09:01

Wow, I'm 36 weeks pregnant and was scared about giving birth for a second time and I think reading these experiences have made me feel even more nervous lol. My first birth was very painful mainly in terms of contractions as I had no form of pain relief as I didn't reach the hospital until I was 9cm dialated. The experience traumatised me for about 6 months after my first child was born and i swore i would never have another child. But here i am again :-). Im really nervous about going through the same thing again as I know this time my labour could be even quicker and more intense than the last... Any advice please on how to calm my nerves, I don't know if what I'm going through is normal or if I just have a really low pain threshold

susie04 · 08/04/2015 09:08

Wow, I'm 36 weeks pregnant and was scared about giving birth for a second time and I think reading these experiences have made me feel even more nervous lol. My first birth was very painful mainly in terms of contractions as I had no form of pain relief as I didn't reach the hospital until I was 9cm dialated. The experience traumatised me for about 6 months after my first child was born and i swore i would never have another child. But here i am again :-). Im really nervous about going through the same thing again as I know this time my labour could be even quicker and more intense than the last... Any advice please on how to calm my nerves, I don't know if what I'm going through is normal or if I just have a really low pain threshold :-!

Roseybee10 · 08/04/2015 10:14

susie I found hypnobirthing really helped keep me calm. I had 12 hours of unbearable agony with no pain relief first time. Second time was never that painful and the part I was really struggling with only lasted an hour or so. X

Bookish13Mum · 08/04/2015 12:51

Deep breathing, like the kind I would do I yoga or pilates really helped me at first. Also distracting myself worked for some time- singing songs, A-Z books (or movies). I have a high pain tolerance but being induced it hit me like a wave, no time for my body to adjust. I didn't mean to frighten you, I'm sorry Blush I was just feeling very frustrated and DH doesn't really understand why.
I'm in the same boat as you though, traumatic first experience and I really can't see myself having another baby, but we probably will, love DS so much and he was worth everything.

babybear9 · 08/04/2015 13:48

I have no advice except that it gets easier with time. I had a very similar experience but lost 2.5L and had a couple transfusions and spent 2 nights in the HDU unit. It was awful. I'd been hoping for a hypnobirth! I actually went for the birth reflections appointment at the hospital which I strongly recommend you do just so you have in your head exactly what happened and why. I still needed councelling after and about to start again as I keep getting flashbacks (im pregnant again so birth is now a very real prospect!!). My advice at your stage is definitely lots of airing when you can. I did the milk bath thing too with a drop of tea tree oil. It was really time that made it better and do what you can not to push yourself. There are a lot of us out there in the same boat which I know doesn't make you feel any better but talk to whoever you need to about how you feel and definitely do not bottle it up. It's ok to pissed off, angry and confused about the whole thing.

MiaowTheCat · 15/04/2015 08:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

icklekid · 15/04/2015 08:34

Definitely find someone to talk to - ideally dh but if not a friend or a good health visitor. I had an episiotomy which got infected and was sore for a long time, stitches came apart. I was seeing a nurse at my gp's weekly until it healed as I was feeling so down and it helped to know it was healing slowly but surely. I really felt down about not being mobile but I got there in the end find a close cafe to have cake in and look after yourself

Jenmk1 · 15/04/2015 09:04

I had an almost similar experience. Induced at 39+5 because I'd felt reduced movement, horrible contractions that went from nothing to full on almost immediately. No pain relief for 3.5 hours because I was on the ante-natal ward still with no gas & air. When I got onto the labour wardi demanded an epidural (don't feel bad about that btw - you do what you have to do to get through the pain). I got to fully dilated pretty quickly, pushed for an hour before they got the forceps out. Lost 800 mL of blood & needed a transfusion. My BP dropped & pulse/temp went up really quickly after DD was born so I only got 20 mins skin to skin instead of an hour. DH got the rest of it (which on reflection was quite nice for him). Basically I felt like is been run over by a bus. FWIW that was 9 weeks ago and I'm completely fine & would do it again in a shot. You just need to concentrate on enjoying your baby and remember that no two births are the same. There's every possibility you will have a positive experience next time. HTH

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