home birth - 1st baby

[Sheepoverthemoon]

I've looked into all the research, I'm 18 weeks, very fit and healthy, 1st pregnancy. I want a home - water birth. Both midwife and dh support the descion. If there are any complications at any point I would want to be in a hospital and have x 2 10/15 mins away from me. However when people ask where I would like baby I get such negative and sometimes very dark feedback and you hear a lot of postitve comments about 2nd baby and not with 1st baby re home birth. I know its 1% more chance of high risk and 50% chance of going into hospital for pain relief/slow labour, just happy to start and try at home. Any advice?

Just ignore them basically. It's what you feel comfortable with. Both of mine were born at home. Didn't want to go anywhere near a hospital. I felt much more in control and was a lot more relaxed and so the whole experience was easier on me. With 1st baby I had gas and air just for pushing which I am told was about 40 minutes and that was it. I was tidying up the house, wandering around, flicking TV channels and doing whatever I wanted. When DH phoned for a midwife she was super quick to get round and then you've got someone with you all the time and obviously she can react quickly to anything so IMO no need to worry, not like in a hospital where they are in and out and have other ladies to look after too. She called for a second midwife (after an well educated guess) when didn't think it would long until DS would be here.

With baby number two, I only had gas and air for about 20 minutes, and was even doing the washing up 2 hours before DD arrived. The midwife was quite happy to have me within sight and let me get on with it. I even made her tea lol.

Anyone that seemed shocked at my decision, I just told them it is what my body is designed to do, and I will have someone with me who knows what they are doing, what to look for and keep everyone safe.

Oh, also with regards to pain relief, it might just be me, I apparently have quite a high pain threshold. I knew that the midwife would only have G&A so I tried to pace myself, lots of breathing, taking it one step at a time, finding something to help easing contractions, which for me was on all fours rocking my bum from side to side lol. Always in the back of mind, especially with first baby, it's going to get a lot worse. I only went for the Gas and Air when I heard the midwife say it won't be long.

I told my best friend all about it, and when she had her 2nd son she said she tried 'my mindset' she managed a 10lb bubba with no pain relief at all, despite being in hospital and felt a lot lot better than when she was drugged up for her first son.

My first baby was born at home, lovely lovely experience, we didn't tell the wider family our plans until after the birth. Just didn't want unhelpful, uneducated comments. Agree just ignore them! You know what's best for you, you've done the research and your mw is supportive

My stock answer was, "As long as everything is ok with me and the baby, it will be born at home." I also said it on a final and non-negotiable tone of voice. It seemed to work. I also had a back up line: "The midwives are really positive about it".

Would something similar work for you?

DCs 1&2 were born at home, and DC3 will be later this year. Lovely experiences for me, after doing lots of research. I just kept my plans to myself, and still only talk about it what I've got a gauge of the likely response. The topic can cause big emotional reactions for some people, both ways, and for that reason and kept my personal, informed choice personal.

But when asked I always say that my personal experience was a highly supportive team of midwives, and good birth preparation course (both of which encouraged me to do my own, independent research), a supportive OH and plenty of mental as well as physical preparation to give me the greatest likelihood of a positive outcome. And both were such wonderful emotional positive experiences. I actually can't wait to birth DC3 later this year particularly because I know it'll be my last

Good luck to you!

Thanks sugar plum - I'm ordering a birth pool in a box nearer the time, so hope that helps with pain relief. Also buying an Elle tens machine. I'm going to a hypno birthing class & do yoga, so hopefully some of that kicks in. Community midwifes carry gas & air and injs right? But hoping to avoid inj if I can.
Thanks bees - I don't usually come forth with info unless asked, I guess I should just say I don't know. Most my friends are nurses and have quite strong opinions, being hormonal its hard to ignore sometimes, you end up thinking am I putting us at risk? I just try and go back and look at the research. I'm defintely going to try and zone out when people comment.

Shining bright, I'm going to try that, that's really helpful thanks.
Thanks busycee - I do try and keep to myself but people ask directly, and now they come back and say, so you still opting for a home birth? I'll know for next time to say I'm not sure yet.

Ooh Sheep, which hypno birthing course are you doing? They often have quite good techniques for helping to zone out/ manage people's comments.

I have a friend whose a nurse on a paed high dependency unit. She sees lots of very ill children so is understandably very risk averse. She does accept that skews her view of home birth, but we just don't discuss it anymore (in part, I think, because my two positive births challenge her view a bit)

Aww it is hard I know, I have lots of dr friends who got uptight about it. Is just say my midwife is supportive ams they're the expert in natural birth and that usually shuts them up.

Expecting dc2 now and so everyone knows our plans but have so much more confidence this time.

I'm so glad you're doing yoga, I did this last time and well as now and helped massively! I'd say surround yourself with other ladies who have had or planning home births as this really helped me listen to lots of lovely birth stories and flood your mind with those positive opinions.

I has lots of people ask me which hospital I was going too, this just to make me chuckle a bit, is just say I hadn't decided yet.

My cousin asked me a few times if I'd packed a hospital bag and was fretting when I said I hadn't. She said she understood afterwards why I hadn't

I had a home birth for my second and it was wonderful. We had a lot of negativity from family and friends but I was just very firm, told them I'd done my research and was happy in my choice.

I used hypnobirthing in my first labour and managed a 2.5 day labour with just gas and air at end. For my second last month, the midwives never arrived until just before she was born so I did it all with tens and hypno breathing.
Good luck. Xx

I had a homebirth for my first and I'm glad I did. I hired a pool (with hard sides, better for bracing against) and spent most of the time in it, which was fabulous for pain relief. Established labour for me took 10 hours including pushing; I absolutely credit being at home with how quick and un stressful it was - if I'd transferred to hospital I think things would have slowed down.

The massive caveat obviously is that nothing went wrong in my labour, it was just effort, so it was mostly quite boring for all attending (DH and midwife). But I am utterly terrified of hospitals and I think something may well have gone wrong if I went in - that's me though, you have you know yourself in this.

I was told by lots of people before the birth that I was mad for planning a home birth. It didn't really bother me. Birth choices are not a committee decision, and in any case at that point I was very sick of everyone telling me what I couldn't do because I was pregnant so I was most uninterested in the opinion of the masses on my birth plan!

Just don't tell people. No one needs to know!
I tried for a homebirth with my 1st and ended up with an emergency c section. However,I would still recommend it.Quite a few of my friends had homebirths for 1st and 2nd babies.

I'm having mine at home and it's my first.

My story is almost identical to the first poster.

Am 37 weeks (nearly!) pregnant with second baby and hoping to repeat our dd's amazing homebirth, pool is being checked this weekend!

People were actually mostly very positive when I said we were going to try and have a hb. Occassionally got comments like 'that's very brave'(read stupid) but I ignored it. Would hugely recommend a hypnobirthing course, and am reading Marie mongan's book too which so far is ace (hadn't read it first time round).

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to birth your baby in the place that you feel safest. For me, that was at home. I'm not scared of hospitals as such, but having spent not a huge amount of time in them, didn't want one of my most important life experiences to happen there when it could be in my lovely home.

Now I proudly point to the spot where dd was born if anyone asks!