Preparing DD1 for new arrival

[snowydrops]

Not sure if this should be in a different section but here goes.

DD1 (just 3) is well aware her new sibling is coming soon! She is somewhat interested. Not that into being a caring mummy figure (not into make believe dolls etc) bit of a Tom boy but is caring and kind and so I have no worries about how she will take to role of big sis BUT....

How do I explain that I will be away for a few days most likely (having a c-sec), hoe much info do I give her? Do I try and prepare her or just let grandparents deal with it when it happens at the time? It's next week so not long left now. She is very sensitive and aware so I am
Concerned she will worry about me going to hospital and me not coming home. She's had the odd night away from us before but never liked it but I know she will bed very aware of this being 'different'

Anyone care to share their tops? Also DH will probably come home but may end up staying in the hospital with me at least one or two nights (he's allowed to) we haven't made a decision on that, just want to see how I / we feel but all being well he will at the least come home to give her tea / put her to bed in the evening so she's not too disrupted.

For the birth of DD1 (pretty traumatic) he stayed with me in the hospital for two nights then all day pretty much day three and four but slept at home. I have no idea how I will feel this time and if I will want him with me or prefer him to be looking after DD1?!

I'd probably have broached it already in a fairly casual way. 'Mummy will be having a few days away in the hospital' and talk about it openly. I'd personally prefer my DH to be at home with DD than with me in the hospital, why would he stay with you?

Being really blunt, I think by the second child you need to accept that (life threatening situations aside) the priority is your elder child. Nice as it is to have your husband with you in hospital, you are old enough to understand if he's gone for important chunks of the day like bedtime. Your daughter isn't. If she isn't used to being away from you, I really wouldn't leave your her with her grandparents for big chunks of time. She needs as much stability and normality as Daddy can possibly provide.

Bear in mind that how she relates to this period can have quite a big influence on how she copes with the introduction of a sibling in the early months.

Have you thought about how you will introduce them?

She is used to being with my parents, they have her one day a week but she's just not used to them staying the night.

The plan at the moment if things go to plan is that grandparents will bring DD1 to the hospital later on on the day of the ELCS to meet her sibling. I don't plan to be feeding when she walks in and daddy will bring her in (not my parents). The baby has bought her a big present. I think then daddy will probably take DD1 home to bed and either come back (if needed) or more likely not do and take her to nursery (as normal) in the AM then come to the hospital. However if my section gets postponed she won't be able to visit until the following day so this may not be possible and I would imagine DH will want to be with me whilst I am recovery at least and then possibly nip home to put her to bed. Fingers crossed that won't happen but some women don't go in until 5pm if busy so it might do.

What I am more worried about is if anything was to go wrong and DH needed to stay with me to care for baby...but I guess that's unlikely so probably worrying unnecessarily! It's just as I know I am having a planned section I know I won't be able to walk say baby ends up in Neonatal unit and he would need to be with us then if that's the case. Hopefully it won't be!!

DD1 is definitely priority though and i totally take the point about those initial days forming an opinion of her sibling.

It is very unlikely that the baby will be seriously poorly. And planned sections are normally very civilised affairs and nice and calm (barring, of course, known complications that necessitate the section).

I would personally be very careful of a situation where she meets her brother/sister and is then taken away by her grandparents. I would really prioritise yoru DH leaving the hospital with her if you can.

We always put the new baby's car seat in the car for the last couple of weeks. It proved to be a very visual point to the existing kids - 4 babies in 6 years so 2 years between each. They would then pick a doll or teddy when going out in the car to "test " the car seat was ok for the new baby.

We never did the present thing but know others who have. I just always had a treat packet of chocolate buttons for them when they visited me in hospital. Their interest in the new baby was usually short lived and they were more interested in me and eating the sweets!

We never stopped the older ones touching the baby but always said "gentle touching" and encouraged them to took the babies legs and feet.

If they asked or we offered and they wanted to hold the baby we always got them to sit on the sofa with their legs straight out. The baby was never kept as something they weren't allowed to hold or touch.

They all liked guessing whether the baby had done a wee or a poo in its nappy. They liked handing me the wipes etc so they were involved.

When the baby was born DH would print them a picture of the baby from the home computer so that they could take it into school/playgroup to show everyone rather than just telling them. He could do that for her to take to nursery. DH even managed that for the baby born at 4.30am. He went home for kids waking up and took them to school/playgroup by 8.40am with their picture : )