How long after ELCS did you want visitors?

[snowydrops]

With my first birth for DD1 (VB) I had planned to have only DH there and visitors (parents) from the day after, all went to pot, it was v long and in the end my parents were also there (not in the delivery room) but they came in very soon after DD1 was born, mainly as extra support for DH as he hadn't slept for 3 days either and needed clothes bringing / food etc. I was a wreck physically and can't remember much but tbh didn't care whether they were there or not.

This time around I am having an ELCS, my parents are coming to look after DD1 (now 3) and have asked if they can come to the hospital on the day of the birth. I had assumed they would come the day after as I don't think I will be up and out of bed for at least 8-12hrs which depending on when they operate could be the evening anyway. I am just interested to hear when others had visitors and were happy to do so? I know they would only pop in for 15 mins or so but I remember last time feeling very exposed especially when my father in law turned up on day 2 and I was still learning to breastfeed! This time I would imagine mentally I will feel better as will have slept more but not sure I want anyone other than DH to see me while a catheter is in? Also they would be bringing DD1 with them and I am not sure when I might feel up to seeing her / having her meet her new sibling?

Anyone care to share their experiences? I am also aware that my mum obviously assumes everything will go 100% to plan and hasn't considered the fact that DC2 may need additional care etc so visits may quite possibly not be the first thing on our minds!

Hi I hope you get some replies cos I would like to know too. My ILs are keen shall we say and we have told them "wait and see-we will let you know". I think it's best to be vague and not raise expectations.

Yes, I really want to go with the 'we will let you know' but my mum has now said she wants to be in the building when I go in for the operation! I kind of understand this but in reality would prefer she just looked after my DD1 so that she is not at a hospital worried about me...also it's possible they will be waiting around all day if I get pushed down the list. I don't know how to politely say that I would prefer them to just come when we ask them to!

My in laws are looking after my other 3DC when I have an ELCS so the plan is for them to come in for 20 mins in the late afternoon on the day of delivery - more because I want my DC to meet their new sibling and by default, that means my inlaws coming too. Not worried about catheters etc as I hope a sheet will be covering that up and, given I have just had major surgery, will not be encouraging anyone near the bed!

The last people in the world I want to see in MIL/PIL but hoping DH will be able to shuffle everyone out quite quickly.

With DC1, they stayed at my bedside for what felt like HOURS taking a zillion photos (including me 24 hours after a 48 hour labour) so no one was allowed to visit for DC2&3 (all VB so home in 24 hours anyway).

This time the children are a bit older and really excited about meeting the new baby so I am keen for them to come as I won't be home for 3 days.

I would say it will probably be fine. With dc 2 I wanted to see dc 1 same day, and same with dc 3, I wanted to see dcs 1 and 2 same day. Both were Elcs.

Dc3 had complications and also wasn't born until mid afternoon but I still wanted to see the older ones before bedtime, and sil was looking after then so came too which was kind of irrelevant.

I would just tell them you will call when you are ready for them to being your dd in. Don't underestimate how different it is having an already existing nuclear family. With dc1 visitors are an intrusion often!, but with subsequent dc it is a different mindset, especially where bringing an older dc to visit is concerned.

DD2 arrived by ELCS at 9.15 and my parent brought DD1 to visit at about 2pm. That was absolutely fine. I wasn't out if bed and still had a catheter, but that didnt matter. I think DD1 had some of my lunch and they stayed for a while. I thought that DD1 would get bored, but she didn't.

It will be fine but the being in the building is ridiculous. You will be waiting around for a long time before you go in and having her and your DD there will be stressful. It will also be annoying for the staff, much easier to shuffle people around when there is only two of them to get into the waiting room/scrubs etc. Can you agree that your DH will let her know when you are going in and when it gets to that phone call he tells her when the next visiting hours are and they come then. If you have your ELCS at 4pm, say, and visiting is 7-8, that won't be a problem. Tell her you will be in recovery longer and not able to see visitors straight away - this has been true for both my ELCSs.

Snowdrops it's is ENTIRELY up to you when you want to see people.

Find out visiting times on the unit. (And if young children/siblings allowed)
Tell your mum visiting is strict times.

She will want to see you. You are undergoing an operation. You are her daughter. It's only natural.

BUT she really can't be hanging around hospital corridors. It's not fair on you, her, your dd1 and staff trying to get on with their work.

I would suggest to her that dd1 needs to be her focus as YOU can't be worrying about yourself and dd1. That your dh will text when actually going to theatre for CS and again once baby here and both of you are checked/safe.

Or something similar.

Oh and agree a time frame for when can come in. So say, an hour after DH 2nd text but again only if within visiting times. Otherwise a phone call may have to suffice.

Sorry if I sound harsh. But it's my biggest pet hate in work. People rocking up outwith set visiting times, constant stream of people etc when my patient is trying to recover and are basically so shattered they can't keep eyes open!!!

Thanks these are all good tips! I don't think my mum would want to be with me pre-op she means in the cafe or whatever but I think this is silly because I want things as normal as possible for DD1 and I don't want it on my mind that she's 'waiting' if you know what I means I think the idea of a text before op and after and then them potentially popping in later on (if suitable) should work. I think I'll have to be quite strict.,.some good points raised though re DD1 coming in, I probably would like that so that by default means parents too subject to visiting times. I agree with the strict visiting slots they give, the place I had my DD1 seemed to allow visits all day (not just DPs) and I personally found it really annoying and stopped me resting so I'll be happy to tell my folks to stick to them :-)

Ended up on HD due to blood loss but my friend came to see me that afternoon. I really didn't mind at all, but then she's a gp and it was the busiest weekend of the year on the ward - I needed the extra reassurance (and so did dh).

MIL and the kids came the following day, by which time I had showered and moved onto the postnatal and, thankfully, in my own private room. Was lovely to see them.

I went down to theatre at 9am and was on the postnatal ward just after lunch so about 1pm. DH left just after that and came back with MIL, FIL and our 3 older DC's. I was glad to see the dc's but was still half asleep from the painkillers so wasn't up to talking much. DS was poorly in NICU too. I didn't want anyone except DH and the DC's after that. They were the only ones allowed into the NICU so it was easier not to have anyone else so I could spend most of my time with ds.

With DS1 is was within a few hours. DS2 I have no idea at all. He went to NICU and DH went with him. I had him at 1030 am and I know no one visited baby till next day as he was in an incubator etc and I thought my mum would find that too upsetting, and I didn't want my PIL getting in first. I was physically very very well and could have gone home that evening, and would have had visitors that afternoon if I'd had DS2 with me.

I had an ELCS four weeks ago. I went to theatre at 9:30am and my Mum came to the ward to see me and DS at 1:30pm. While I felt OK, I wouldn't have wanted anyone else (bar DH) there, and I was certain I didn't want my DD (who was at nursery) to see me unable to move with a catheter in. We were planning along the lines of DH bringing DD to meet her brother the following day once I was up and about, but actually they let me home the following day so they just got acquainted at home!

I can understand your parents worrying about you, but think they need to put your DD, and whatever you think is best for her, first.

Had ELCS in December at 9.45am but we did not get to the postnatal ward until about 9pm (once visiting time was over) Not complaining as we were quite comfy in the meantime in one of the labour rooms with bed, cot etc, but could not have visitors there.

I had an ELCS a week ago and received visits from MIL and friend along with DH and DS1 all together 8 hours post surgery. It was fine, They brought/got me everything I needed.

Hi. I had emergency sections with both of my dc's and had parents and my sister visit within a couple of hours ( dh was with me throughout!) and in laws following day. With second baby for some reason a work colleague turned up at the hospital when I was still on delivery suite so within about 2 hours of section but actually it was fine and she had popped in with my leaving presents from work as I had gone into labour early and missed my leaving party! I guess though every one is different and you do whatever is comfortable for you

I get that your mum will want to be in the hospital whilst you're having your baby, after all to her, you're still her baby and she'll be anxious to know you're ok.

If tell people you'll let them know how you feel

*i'd

Thanks all, yes I have spoken to her, I don't actually mind my mum being in the hospital it was more her bringing DD1 too! Anyway she's agreed to updated text alerts and coming in on the day (if possible) briefly with DD1 and then seeing how we go. I am sure I will probably want them there but didn't want to agree to it and then have no option to say no...

Inlaws have been great, saw them yesterday and FIL says they will just wait for an invite but no rush. That's perfect really but I understand I'm not their daughter so they will be less worried about me than my own mother. I also realised when it's my own DD having a child I'll probably feel exactly the same so trying to go easy on her as I know she means well and is generally excellent at helping out so can't complain!