Home birth with a toddler around - what did you do regarding the toddler??

[BotBotticelli]

Considering a HB for dc2.

Ds1 will be 2 years 8 months when the baby comes.

The thing that's holding me back on the HB front is worrying what to do with DS when I am labouring? What did you do if 'the crucial moment' (ie pushing and mooing like a cow!) coincided with either teatime or breakfast time??

I get how it's supposed to work if it happens in the middle of the night (have a friend or family member round upstairs to deal with DS1 if he wakes, whilst DH, the midwife and I get on with things downstairs).

And if it happens in the middle of the day then he will either be at nursery (he goes 4 full days per week) or if it happens on his day off we can get a family member to take him out.

But what about those core hours around breakfast time and teatime when DS will be at home and awake?? I don't want to give birth upstairs (cream carpets! Had earmarked lovely dining room with wooden floors for the action!).

Wwyd?

I am reluctant to ship him off to a relatives house because (a) my rellies live hundreds of miles away and (b) although DH's family are all nearby, they are fairly useless on the childcare front and have never had DS overnight before. So it might be strange and upsetting for him :-(

Starting to think it might be easier just to go into the MLU cos of all these logistical issues.

But in my heart I know I could probably do a HB (first labour absolutely fine, just gas and air, 9lb4 baby!) and I love the idea of just being at home and in my own bed/shower afterwards. Hated the postnatal ward with a passion.

I laboured overnight both times. Apparently that is very common in that situation.

Of course, you could book a home birth and go in if you felt that the timing wasn't right - a friend with a tiny flat did that.

But if you have a dining room with a door you can close, I would just focus on who would look after him - e.g. would you be happy your DH doing dinner whilst you were labouring? Is there a friend you'd be happy to have in the house? Could a doula or trainee doula give you flexibility?

We're going to do this any day now, DS is 2.7 and I'm 38.2 weeks; all set up for a HB.
If it's a time when DS would ordinarily be around then we're going to pull in support from the neighbours. DS will just go straight around there, even if it's breakfast or dinnertime. They have a child roughly the same age for DS sees going to their place as a treat. Another possibility is that if my sister arrives in time (she's also a couple of hundred miles away but she's going to set off as soon as she knows I'm in labour) that DS stays in the house with her and they'll just be in another room, popping in occasionally to see us. Do you have friends of neighbours that could pitch in? I was a nervous to ask mine, it's a big ask as I was also asking if one of them would be prepared to come here and sleep if it was night and I had to be transfered, but they were only to happy to help. I've asked a couple of other people (another set of neigbours and his regular babysitter) to be back up and they were also delighted to be asked.
Another thing, this video me think that it wouldn't be too bad if DS was around. It has also been a great video to watch with DS so we can talk about pregnancy and birth.

We have a 6yr old and a 1yr old (very nearly 2) our plans are that if it's during the day, 2yr old will go off to play with neighbours and have tea, 6yr old will be picked up from school and the same thing. They can stay the night at another neighbours house or they will go to sleep here, I think the two year old will sleep through it and I don't mind if the 6yr old is here or not. If I transfer we have someone on board to come and stay the night here. I also have a good friend 'on call' to be at the birth/give dh a hand with getting the children to bed etc. Both of them have their little suitcases packed for an overnight stay elsewhere or even so that the person who ends up staying here doesn't need to look around for clothes and nappies and things for them.

Would be just so much easier if we could have a crystal ball to see how everything was going to pan out!

I also read that mothers of existing children tend to give birth over night so that the can tend to their offspring during the day and focus on birth when it is quiet, also existing children sleep undisturbed through all the birth noises. It was certainly the case when dc3 was born. Ds1 was 3 and ds2 was 2 so both little like yours. I started to have contractions during the evening meal. I put the children to bed at their normal time. The first midwife came over around 11pm and the second shortly before 2am. Dc3 was born at 3:40, we had a quick sleep before my boys came into my to find their sister snuggled up in her Moses basket with a gift for each of them.
Booked a home birth again for dc4 due in a month and I'm kind of thinking things will just work out how they are meant to. Good luck

I had a few friends on call if needed to either be here with children, take them out for a walk, babysit if we had to transfer etc. I figured I would have needed someone on call to look after the others if I were planning a hospital birth anyway. We figured we'd play it by ear and just see how we all felt at the time with regards to having someone here or sending kids out etc. In the event I laboured at night and dc2 was born around 5am, dc1 got up after hearing her cry, toddled down, met his sister, ate a wheatabix and went back to bed. Dc3 was born around 6am and numbers 1 and 2 trooped down together before the cord had even been cut :). It was lovely, they met the baby, ds1 was interested in the placenta so the MW showed him it then they merrily had breakfast and got ready for school/nursery as normal.

waters broke at 1am. contractions started around 3am. midwife arrived at 5am, baby was expected to turn up around 7am but labour stalled when toddler woke up at 6.30. contractions more or less stopped. dh took toddler to neighbors (good friends) and I had a rest. contractions started again around 8am and baby arrived on the dot of 10am. toddler came home around 3pm. midwife said it is really common for contractions to stop or not start until the older one is safely out of the way. I'm really glad she wasn't there as the labour was infinitely harder and more painful than the first and I was mooing all over the place. wouldn't change it for anything though, birthing at home is devine!!!

My labour kept stopping every time ds was around, as a result I was in early labour for days, on and off :-/
When it finally kicked off properly ds was fast asleep in bed with my mum on standby (she lives very, very close) in case he woke. Thanks to hypnobirthing I was silent throughout apart from the last 10 mins when it all happened rather fast! Dd arrived just after midnight.
If it had been during the day we had my mum and SIL on call depending on the day/time to gone and take home or stay in the house with him if we had to transfer in / good luck op!!

i think that if you are having a home birth with a toddler around, you need to have an adult for them. My plan for DC2's birth involved my best friend. If I was in labour during the day, she would take DD to play at her house (her daughter is good friends with my DD). If I was in labour at night, she would come over and be an extra birth partner and deal with any night waking a from DD.

In the end, I started having mild contractions at 9am, DD went to lay with her friend, DS was born at 1pm, and DD came home at around 4 once everything (apart from me) was cleaned up for snuggles and supper.

I slept through my sister's birth. My dad tried to wake me up to show me the new baby, but I said it could wait until morning and went back to sleep.

i gave birth with my 3 year old in the room. it was just me and him. was not meant to happen that way of course. he buried his face in the crushion of my rocking chair. then paramedics came in and a woman tried to pick him up. thats when he done his nut. hes 7 now he does not remember much just little bits... having a home birth this time as well

We sent dd to friends when I had dc2 at home. No family near by and didn't want someone staying for a week or so "just in case".

Plan worked fine, only slightly hairy bit was when dh left me at 8am ish to drop dd off. Midwife had not arrived yet and as dd2 arrived at 8.50am I was a bit panicked for 5mins or so.

For dc3 due date was Xmas and couldn't ask friends to take 2 DC on possibly Xmas eve, day etc so mil came to stay (for 17 days). I didn't want to have baby in house with mil so went to MLU and had 6 hour discharge.

I think main thing is you need to be comfortable with the plan.

Mine were 6 and 4 when ds3 arrived at 10pm. Both were in bed. My mum was on standby but not needed, neither of them woke up until 7am next day, when they met their baby brother.

DD2 arrived at 4am (18mo DD1 slept next door throughout which was lucky as we had no one else here just DP and I)

DD3 arrived at 4.25am (both DD1&2 slept through bug had a friend and SIL downstairs just in case)

Ds1 was born when dd was in bed. She slept through it all and woke up to a new brother.
ds2 was born at 9:30am, we ended up calling my mum to take dd to nursery and she took ds1 with her. They just arrived back as I was pushing and I shouted at her to make him a snack between pushes
They were around as I was contracting obviously and I made breakfast for them both and they weren't fazed at all. I made myself calm and tried to ignore the pain. In fact I picked dd up from nursery at 12 and left baby and ds1 at home with dh (dh doesn't drive)

Ask your friends if they will help out. Make a plan covering each day of the week as to who you will call on depending on their availability/your DCs activities etc. Email the plan to everyone who has agreed to be part of it with their contact details so that they can all get in touch with each other and know what's what.

Then when you go into labour you can decide whether to go with your plan or do something different e.g. keep your DS at home after all, go into hospital.

Having a written plan that everyone involved knows about will make you feel infinitely more confident in the weeks/days leading up to the birth, any plan is about peace of mind, it won't necessarily work out that way on the day and you might change your mind but that doesn't matter, it will help you feel more relaxed about your HB decision.

I had DC 2 and 3 at home. I made a written plan involving help from friends, neighbours and family. On both occasions the babies arrived during the early hours. The first time my eldest DD (who was 2yr 6mth at the time) went with my Mum to a friends house overnight and DD2 was born at 1.15am. The second time DD1 and DD2 slept through the whole thing though my parents were in the house if needed and DD3 arrived at 5.15am. I made lots of noise and did not care. We have no family nearby and for me my parents coming to stay for a week around due date worked out well.

Don't give up on your HB plans, you can find a way to deal with what happens to your DS while you labour. HB is really worth working things out and if you went into hospital you would have to make exactly the same sort of plans anyway.

When I had DD at home, I very suddenly needed the DSs to leave. They had to be gone immediately. I had DD 17 minutes after they left.

I think it is very important to have a back up plan in case you suddenly need your toddler gone!

We had various friends on standby for DS (2.0) to cover times when he wasn't at nursery but in the end, by the time I'd had a few contractions and realised that this was it, my parents were already en route for their regular day of childcare. Would love to know whether it was coincidence or some subconsciously recognized "safe" time!

What would you do with your oldest if you were in the MLU?
My mother was going to come and look after DS1. We called her on first contraction (4am). She set off straight away, and arrived 2.5 hrs later, at the same time as the paramedics and DS2!
DS1 completely unphased (2y0m). DH stayed with him, and followed orders from ambulance control, fetched towels etc.

I had a home birth with dc2, when dc1 was 18mths old. Luckily I went into labour early morning so mil could come over and take toddler out.
With dc3 I went to the mlu!

Neighbours/relations 20 mins away had agreed to step in if needed, but I laboured overnight.

The next time things kicked off late afternoon, so the relative turned up and watched television with the DC downstairs. I was two flights up effing and blinding yelling my head off so the television was turned up several times.

And once the baby was born, everyone trooped upstairs to see. It was lovely.

You are probably unlikely to deliver when toddler is around. With both my HBs labour slowed down when the older ones came home, then picked up rapidly after they went to bed. So they just slept through and woke up to new siblings :)

DD slept through in the room next door when DA was born - she was 25 months old and woke up next morning to meet her hours old brother. It was truly wonderful, a precious experience

My ds went to my parents for his tea- picked up at 4 and returned at 9 all bathed and in his pjs. We'd planned for him to go there at most times of the day unless parents and/or ds were likely to be sleeping. We had neighbours on standby for a quick dash, and would have left him sleeping if it had been the middle of the night as I labour quiet quickly. Newly pregnant with dc3 and planning a third home birth. Will probably stick to the same plan this time only my parents are abroad the week before my due date so hoping I'm not early!!

Yes, was also going to ask what you would do with DS if you went to the MLU? Can't you just do that if the timing isn't great?

I laboured in the late afternoon/evening and gave birth to DS at 9.40pm. But due to heavy bleeding, I then had to transfer so my mum came to look after DD (who slept through the ambulance coming/paramedics putting a drip in me on the landing, etc. etc.!) DH brought DS to the hospital to meet us.

So even though the birth went totally to plan and DD was tucked up in bed, we still needed childcare, so I'd get something in place, even if you're hoping not to have to use it.