Topics to research prior to labour - Husband preparation plan!

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Hi,

My wife is pregnant with her first. She can be a bit of a worrier and she does not like the idea of putting together a birthing plan. Instead she is just focused on healthy mum/healthy baby and making decisions based on medical advice etc. She knows that she is not the most flexible person once she has researched and made a plan, and this is her way of controlling her anxiety and staying flexible.

I don't suffer from such anxiety, and I have agreed with her that I will take the burden off of her further by researching all the different aspects of the labour. Hopefully I will get a good grasp of the implications of the decisions that we may need to take so as to make better decisions faster. This will also help her more confidence in our decisions and make her worry less, as I will have a better grasp of the situation and will be able to reassure her having done my research.

I have done a bit of research already, but I don't know what I don't know so would like your help compiling a comprehensive list of research topics.

So far I have:

• how to measure dilation levels, and what to do at different stages of labour e.g. when to go to hospital.
• Natural methods of pain control for when we are at home and at hospital
• Advantages and disadvantages of different drugs
• Different things that we can do at the start of labour to prepare for the birth, e.g. keeping energy / fluids up, things that may ease the risk of Perineal tears.
• Methods to help the baby engage in the correct position
• Techniques to help control the speed of labour
• Different positions for delivery
• Best ways to support my wife during labour
• When to make the call to have a caesarean, risks etc.
• Risks with baby being delivered in different positions
• Risks from forceps
• Medical management of placenta delivery
• Different emotions, pains, aches etc likely to be experienced throughout the labour, both those that are normal and abnormal.
• Watch as many birthing videos as possible so that I know what to expect and can support her properly.

Now I am sure that I have missed so much. So please feel free to point out any other topics that I should prepare for.

Thanks so much, I really want to do my best in supporting my wife so it is important to me that I do not miss anything.

Jon

Birth is unpredictable and also a very primal thing. I think that the combination of these two factors make each birth unique. I say that as someone expecting DC5 and whilst I haven't experienced all possible birthing scenarios, I do know that each birth has had it's only particular needs and also what has been my biggest concern each time has changed. For all of these reasons, I do think that one of the best things you can do is help your wife to consider her birth plan and do your research with her rather than for her.

She may feel very differently during labour to how she thought that she would. Her priorities during the birthing experience may not be what she had anticipated. I really do think that she at least needs to think about pain relief. Just like a PP, I always have a list of pain relief options that I descend along but that isn't what everyone would want. I've had very fast labours so I've not had the option of most forms of pain relief. Other women endure long labours and need decent pain relief on board so that they have the energy to push. I also think that you both need to understand what happens mentally during 'transition'. Your DW at least needs to consider if she just wants to go with what is being presented to her as the next step if things aren't progressing/going to plan or if she has a very strong desire to not go down certain routes.

You may find it helpful to think of a birth plan on two levels. One being a 'wish list' and the other being things that you absolutely will not compromise on. There is nothing wrong with the wish list stuff as long as you understand that birth is unpredictable. If there is anything that you will not compromise on, then you need to have researched it well and be very clear about it. For example, a PP would not consider high rotational forceps (neither would I and they are banned in many countries) but would go straight for a c section. I personally won't be writing that on my birth plan because I know that there is time to discuss it if the need arises and I will be vocal enough to not consent. I will, however, stipulate that if this baby is sent to NNU then I do not consent for formula to be fed and wish for donor BM instead (I know that it can be done at our hospital and they can always talk to me about it if they want to). In reality, my birth plan will be as short as possible so that the points most important to me are clear. I write it under sufferance because there is a section in the notes that I'm expected to fill in but I'm not convinced that they always get read or that the baby is on board with my preferences

What mini said. My dd was very prepared for long first labour etc. I had a short labour! He was like "do your hypnotherapy" and I was like "I think she's coming out now" (correct).

Also even if she says she doesn't want something in advance, listen If she changes plan even with a gesture in the midst of it. Nine of my mates ever thanked a mansplaining husband saying "no you said no epidural darling" when they decided they needed one after alk!

None not nine!

@ffallada - thanks for your concern. It wasn't me posting previously. This thread is my first post. Re-reading my post I can see where it may come across that DW has anxiety issues that need treating. The reality is that this is not the case.

DW is not anxious or scared of childbirth etc. She knows that she has a slight glass half empty persona and that she can over think things especially when they do not run according to plan.

She started to do all this research herself, but then started to hear stories about people with a similar personality to her that had births that didn't go according to plan and that it made the birth more stressful. As a result she is keen to keep things simple.

Following the feedback on this thread - and the things I have discussed with her so far, she now has the perspective on some of the decisions that we do both need to make together, so I think this approach is working for us.

@NoRoomForALittleOne

Thanks for your post. DW isn't of the mind that she wants to do no research. She is actually a medical professional, so already knows a huge amount about different types of pain relief and all the different issues that can arise. I think this is actually part of the problem...some times too much information is a bad thing! She has enough knowledge to know of all of the problems that can occur with each different treatment and approach.

She is therefore wanting a non-complicated delivery, with pain control where required (using an hierarchical approach as described previously before).

I am therefore going to put a plan together and use it as a discussion document with her so that we can finalise our wishes.

Thanks again everyone.

Research vitamin k and whether you want baby to have it. Nobody has ever heard of vitamin K or understands why it is offered.

Your wife should have a template birthing plan in her med notes which you can fill out, and that will prompt you on certain topics, such as how often she's willing to be examined. A couple other things I specified are whether I'm willing to have trainee doctors/midwives observing, how I want to deliver the placenta (naturally or medicated), when I want the cord clamped, and what injections my baby can have after birth (vitamin K is the one they ask about). Well done for being so prepared!