Going home after birth

[quellerosiel]

Hello knowledgeable women of MN.

I am trying to do a bit of research here. I am not pregnant but will be TTC soon(ish) but am really struggling with anxiety issues at the moment associated with my own ability to cope with the whole pregnancy/birth/being responsible for a whole other human (I collect lego and watch princess movies for crying out loud) thing.

One particular thing I am really struggling with right now is how soon people seem to get sent home after giving birth. I cannot imagine having gone through such a major thing and being sent home to cope with just my DH mere hours after giving birth. How on earth do you people do it?? A home birth is really not an option for me because A) it sounds like hell on earth (no disrespect meant, I have a HUGE amount of admiration for women who choose to do it of their own free will and can cope with it, I will never be able to) and B) I live a good 30-40 mins drive from the nearest maternity unit, too far (IMO) to be considered safe in an emergency.

So what I want to know is:

How long were you kept in hospital after giving birth?
Did you feel rushed out?
What was the after care like? (Did they help with breast feeding etc?)
How did you cope at home initially?

Anything else that would be helpful here is greatly appreciated!

Quell xx

I had my baby at Ashurst Birth Centre in the New Forest. It is midwife led unit and is amazing, like a home from home. I was the only patient there the night I had my baby and I had 3 midwives to myself. I stayed 2 nights until I was happy that breastfeeding was going well but they were happy for me to stay longer if I wanted. If you can find a place like that near you I would highly recommend it, they were happy to transfer you there from the local hospital if you would rather give birth in a hospital and then have a few days recovering in a lovely place. The food was also amazing, they had a cook! We are very lucky to have an NHS facility like that on our doorstep.

It depends on how comfortable you are with going home straight away, how well baby is feeding etc. first baby was born at midnight and I went home lunch time the next day. Second baby I went home two hours after birth, I just wanted to be in my own bed! Our hospital (MLU) is an hour and a half away but the midwives are on the other end of the phone any time and they came to visit me every day for ten days to help with feeding etc.
Try not to worry about it now, the midwives talk you through this sort of thing when they need to. I remember feeling a little overwhelmed by the responsibility when DC1 was born but you do just have to get on with it!!

I went home the next day after both of mine.
I gave birth at the same hospital but the aftercare couldn't have been more different.
DS was born in winter and it seems that most of the staff in post natal ward were off sick so very understaffed. I had a 30 hour, complicated labour and was so very tired but had little help with breastfeeding. I insisted on going home at the first possible opportunity as I knew I could get support from the maternity unit where I was supposed to have given birth (complications meant I was transferred).
DD was born 6 months ago. Induced 2 weeks early due to gestational diabetes. I had to stay in overnight as she needed her blood sugars monitored. The aftercare was great. A member of staff answered my call bell thing very quickly and they were very supportive to someone else on the ward who was having problems establishing breastfeeding. I needed little help as all had gone smoothly in labour but a member of staff would pop her head round my curtain every now and again to check all was OK. I went home at lunch time the next day but was asked if I wanted to go home or stay another night. The woman next to me asked to stay another night (and I think had been there for 3 or 4 nights already) and staff were happy with that.
After my first experience I was more worried about being in hospital afterwards than I was about giving birth again but it was really nice actually.

I just have zero confidence in my own ability to cope in difficult situations Showy, along with many other issues associated with my own competence. I am getting help for this as it is starting to affect my life negatively, this post is part of that. My family live a four hour drive away, my partner is a wonderful man but completely clueless (his sister is pregnant at the moment and his complete ignorance of all things pregnancy and baby is becoming very obvious). His parents are close by and lovely people but have a very much a 'just get on with it and don't make a fuss' attitude to anything medical (his mum had a foot op last week and went entirely alone, no one was to go with her or say anything, dh dropper her off on the way to work and picked her up on the way back, that is my idea of hell). I'm just scared of being thrown out to cope on my own after what (I anticipate) will the one of the worst/hardest things I will ever do with a clueless partner and no family help. I see the hospital stay as the only chance I will have of getting any help whatsoever. I also love really quite far from a hospital so if there is any kind of problem in the early days then I will be totally without help.

Thank you again for all your lovely responses, its so reassuring to know that I will have a voice in being sent home and won't be rushed out if I don't want to be.

OP, my biggest problem in hospital was feeding. I didn't have enough supply for dd and was having to top up with formula. I picked it up straight away because I had to. So after bf I couldn't settle dd so I'd have to get dressed, put dd in her cot, wheel her down the corridor, to make the formula to bring her back to the room to feed her again. So the staff didn't make the bottles or look after dd while I did. And dd was screaming her head off the entire time. So you can imagine how much easier it was when I was home, laying on the sofa without having to get dressed or to get up to make feeds because if I was feeding her myself or with formula I could do it without moving! Someone else could make a bottle and bring it to me.

My back hurt more than my wound so it hurt moving her in and out of her cot all the time which dh could help with also it took ages to get water and painkillers both of which are easily to hand at home. Once you have the all clear things might be easier at home that's my point. Incidentally, before dd I hadn't really ever handled a baby and I also have anxiety issues.

Good luck!

You most likely won't be in as much pain as you anticipate, I felt remarkably normal. And really, the joy and the adrenaline do a lot to keep you going! The staff in the hospital will help if you are immobile as I was due to Spinal but I assume they won't be doing as much if you can move. You get a midwife visit the day after you go home and one 5 days and 10 days after, DS had a feeding issue which was picked up on day 5 so we got extra visits as well. And you can look after a newborn without being very mobile.Your DP may well be different when you conceive, having a pregnant partner is a lot different to having a pregnant sister, he doesn't need to know anything about pregnancy and babies now, doesn't mean he won't learn when it happens. And it's all a learning as you go experience anyway! Don't worry!

Wouldn't let me go home until feeding established . Went home after 3 days but could have stayed longer . My local hospital you have to battle to leave