Doula or no doula?

[dmuk]

I appreciate there are varying views on this but here goes...

We won't have any close family or friends around delivery time and are considering hiring a doula.

We've been doing plenty of reading/research trying to best educate ourselves for the birth however nothing really compares to the real thing.

But paying a total stranger £1,000+ to provide guidance to me and my partner does sound odd.

How much more benefit and/or support will a doula provide over the midwife/doctor/nurse/partner?

I recently (4 months ago) gave birth and had a doula and it was the best money we spent.

I don't have close family around and this was our first child. The doula met with us / me a few times before the birth and I discussed my hopes /fears / the process in a lot of detail and in a calm environment. My doula didn't force any agenda on me and pointed me in the right direction to enable me to ask the right questions and consider the right things for my circumstances.

In the end I ended up with an elective section so she wasn't there for the birth. There were some issues around this and the doula really helped us in our decision making and being able to have a birth experience that we were happy with. both myself and my husband agree that would have a doula again in a heartbeat.

I had a doula with my last pregnancy. It was a terrific experience for me. I felt very taken care of, especially during labour. I would absolutely hire a doula again.

Hi OP I had a doula with me for the birth of my LO 8 months ago and it was fantastic. I had a long labour and though I had several midwives due to shift changes, my doula was with me the entire time. It was very comforting to have someone with me who knew my wishes and knew how to communicate with the medical staff.

It was also a great support for my husband, he didn't feel so alone about providing support and was more confident that I was being well looked after.

Best decision ever.

To reply a bit more fully to your query re different people's roles during labour -

All the midwives I had were brilliant. However their main role is to monitor you and baby's vital signs and guide the physical/medical aspects of labour along. They have to do a tremendous amount of paperwork on your vital signs during labour so they won't be totally free to support you or your partner. In the early stages of established labour you will probably see several midwives, whoever answers your buzzer. This can be a bit disorientating.

You probably won't see a doctor much. I saw them for a few minutes on their 12 (?) hourly rounds, when I got an epidural and when I finally had to go to theatre.

I think the labour can be quite tough for partners. We ladies experience it through a fog of (natural or otherwise) chemicals but they are faced with the full on reality of it. I know my husband was very worried for me during labour, tired and scared. It was a great help for him to have our doula there to reassure him that everything was progressing normally. It was also good that he could have a nap or nip down to the hospital cafe knowing I was with her.

The role of the doula is to support you as the labouring woman, not just look after the medical aspects of the care. During my labour my doula spent a lot of time helping me focus and manage the pain positively. When I was pushing she was right there saying ComeOnPushPushPush! Exactly what I needed.

You say they are a complete stranger but it didn't feel like that to me at all. She had visited several times before the birth so she really knew my wishes and I trusted her. Everyone one else in the hospital was a complete stranger so having her there in addition to my DH was wonderful.

She also visited a couple of times after the birth to help with breastfeeding etc. She was the person I called when panicking about anything after the birth.

Do not underestimate the value of this continuity of care, it is so important.

So, basically, I love doulas. We should have many more of these wonderful people

I had a doula for DS2's birth 4 weeks ago. She was still training then so birth & postnatal package was just £350. Her support got me from being terrified (DS1's birth was traumatic) to being excited about birth. I also was lucky enough to get the birth I wanted, with her support - no pain relief (other than tens & natal hypnotherapy), calm & healing. Postnatal support is still ongoing (I get 20 hrs) - I've had bf support, advice on choosing a sling, help around the home, she even brought be lactation cookies! Definitely worth the money for me :)

My sister had a doula for her birth in Brighton, cost about £500, but she considered it the best £500 she'd ever spent. The doula was also able to help with breastfeeding after the baby was born. She met with three, and chose the one she got on with best, and who understood the kind of birth she wanted.
She's tried to convince me to have a doula, but its just not my cup of tea.