should i ask for a c/s or not? scared by 1st birth...

[daisybo]

hi i'm too embarrased to talk to anyone in rl about this, and i don't really know what to do...
i had a long 32hr labour with ds1 which resulted in forceps and episiotomy, something i really didn't want. i suffered post traumatic stress after the birth and i had nightmares and flashbacks for months afterwards, and ended up on anti depressants. i also suffered with pain where the scar is (not during sex) which still comes and goes at time and i also had slight incontinence which only resolved itself after about 2 years.
i'm now 22 wks with number 2 and i'm terrified of the same thing happening again. i don't know what to do, part of me wants to try again for the birth i feel i missed out on last time and part of me just thiks i can't do that again, i want a section!
i haven't spoken to midwives as i just don't know what i really want or which is the best option. i really felt like i'd failed last time and part of me thinks i will feel like that again if i have a section, instead of doing it myself. ikwim. anybody got any advice??!

I think the best thing for you to do is speak to a midwife or consultant. They will want what is best for you and your baby so its better to share your worries with them.

I had an emergency section with DD, I fell pregnant 2 1.2 years later and was terrified of giving birth. I spoke to my Dr continously about it and also to the midwives. I met with a consultant at 36 weeks and it was decided in my circumstances, an elective section was best.

Do you have anyone around who could support you through the labour? Or could you get a doula? www.doula.org.uk

I don't think that you should feel embarrassed to say that your first birth scared you. First births can do that to a person. I'm just sorry that it happened that way for you.

I will say that no two births are the same and just because your first was traumatic, there is no reason to believe that your second will be.

daisybo, I had a horrific birth with ds, emergency section, PN PTSD with the nightmares and flashbacks the same as you. I am now 29 weeks pg with #2. I have decided to go for another section as my doctor, therapist and I have agreed that I personally cannot risk another episode of birth trauma. (Still on AD's too, btw) I feel so much more calm knowing that I will have some element of control and not spiralling into hell for 2 days like before. Feel free to CAT me if you want to chat. If you don't have CAT, let me know and I will contact you if you like.

thanks everyone, in my streesed out-ness i managed to post this thing twice!! so as i've posted on the other thread.....
thanks for the support you guys, i guess i really should swallow my pride and talk to the consultant about this. if i could guarantee a vaginal birth with no episiotomy and none of the agony from it that i had last time i wouldn't be even thinking about a section. i mean i know it will be painful and i can deal with that its the 7hr pushing stage, episiotomy, failed ventouse, forceps and blood transfusion (blue moo our births sound scarily similar!) that i can't cope with again, especially having a 2 and a half yr old running around too. so if there's any chance of this happening again i just don't want to risk it. i know it might be ok this time it's just that not knowing thing...
i'm also scared that if i did have episiotomy/tear this time around i would end up incontinent (i had incontinence for nearly 2 yrs after 1st baby (poos not wees) which really scared me that it might not go away) i have never mentioned this as i'm soooo embarrased. also the scar was painful for about 6 months and i still get the odd twinge now, and i just know i can't do it again, i was so low after my little boys birth, it spoilt the first year or so of his life.
aaargh! i'm so useless at making decisions, i just don't know what to do!!!

Daisybo i am in exactly the same position and have been agonising over wether to ask for a c/section or not after weeks of literally sleepless nights from panick attacks, unfortunatley im 32 weeks and my consultant has refused to see me since i was 16 weeks but i am seeing him in 4 weeks so im going to talk to him and see what he says.

Just wanted you to know your not alone.

daisybo, with your history of incontinence after your first birth, I would think any dr. would be happy to go along with a c-section request. It is more than reasonable to wish to avoid dealing with that again.

daisy i had a fairly tramatic first birth same length, epidural, 2nd degree tear, burn on my bottom from the iodine from the epidural, was incontient for quite while in fact i dont think it had resolved when i fell pregant with ds2. i was very worried about going through it again. made sure babe was lying in right way but being draped over a ball every night from about 22weeks. ds2 was born in march after 4 hours of labour, only had gas and air, did tear again but no where near as bad.

hope this gives you something hopeful.

daisy, you have more than enough to deal with. If you feel a c-section would help (and bear in mind it brings its own set of issues) then I think you are justified in asking for it.

You didn't fail last time; you gave birth to a healthy child and you are both fine. You won't fail this time, whatever your choice is. (Btw, am not suggesting that if a pregnancy has a less succesful outcome you've failed - you know what I mean). There are no Birth Olympics, we just have to do what we do to get those babies out there.

Frankly, I think we all deserve a gold medal! No-one except mums know how difficult it is to give birth, by whatever means.

Daisy I think you really need some counselling to try to put your first birth to bed iykwim.

Would it help if you researched tecniques to try and ensure a easier birth this time, for example optimal foetal positioning, perenial massage, water birth, what surroundings would best suit you for your birth.

This might help focus your mind on your second birth.

There is a really good website here it is directed to woman who want to VBAC or have a caeserean.

Hope this helps