What makes a good midwife?

[acnebride]

I'm starting to think about training as a midwife but am not sure if I'm up to it. I'd really love to hear what, from your experience, makes a good midwife. I guess no individual can be strong in all areas, but anyway...

If there's an existing thread about this, sorry to repeat and would love to be directed there!

Sympathy; a sense of humour; willingness to ask how you're feeling and listen to the answer; ability to stand up to doctors if they feel it's in your interests.

Obviously someone who knows what they are doing but also centres their practise around the woman, not hospital policy. Who wants to support you to have the best possible birth experience - even if that means intervention. And who has power over anaesthetists to make sure they get there fast if you want an epidural! Who is ready to support you in breastfeeding and checks to make sure you've got the right latch and doesn't try to give your baby formula against your wishes. Who uses MN. Basically one who is just like Mears...

One who is understanding and doesnt judge or lecture you. (as well as all the medical aspects obviously!)

One who is calm and reassuring, one who is 'seen it all' (may need to fake this at first )

The things I loved about my midwife was she made me feel so clever for growing a baby, she was excited about delivering my baby, she involved my dh and she was very calm during the birth.

A willingness to tailor her approach to each woman and the mood of the moment (for example at some points I wanted to be ordered to calm down, others I'd have punched her!), listening skills, warmth, humour, kindness.

A willingness to listen to the mother definitely. I had a nightmare of a first birth, the midwife took it upon herself to call the anaesthesist and ordered him to give me an epidural. I have nothing against this except I have a huge phobia of needles and I'd repeatedly refused an epidural, I wasn't screaming, crying or writhing in agony even, but the woman decided I needed an epidural nontheless. When I refused she demanded to know what I did for a living (like what does that have to do with anything ??) when she was unable to retaliate (I have a good proffessional job), she anounced she was not going to deal with me anymore as I was not co-operating!!! Luckily the shift changed and I had an absoloute angel for a mid-wife who's first words to me were 'How do you want to proceed from here??' Hope I get her again, my only regret was that I was unable to present her with a huge bottle of champagne as a thank-you afterwards.

--Well trained medically; well skilled and very knowledgable about a lot of different potential scenarios. Able to recognize a problem early on & call for further suppport if needed.

--compassionate/even a bit motherly. Perhaps I just speak for myself, but a woman in the process of giving birth wants to feel looked after.

Able to handle the stress of a busy ward. I.e., if a woman rings to say her waters have broken & she's having contractions every 8 minutes, DON'T say, "Bloody hell, you'd better come inbut I don't know where I'm going to put you; there are no beds left!"

someone knowledgable and skilled but prepared to listen ( my breach baby was picked up by student MW but was dismissed the proper one sent me for a scan 2 weeks later at 39wks where it was discovered but too late to turn the baby so had to deliver breach - luckly my stubbornness or stupidity kicked in and I managed the natural birth I wanted although with people standing by to do a c section)

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what eddm said

Having had my babes in Spain I don´t know what midwives are like in the UK really, but I found about half to be helpful and the other half not so helpful. The worst thing was when they did things without telling me (never mind asking), eg. give me an epesiotomy (both times), or when they asked things in such a way as to make me feel like I was making the wrong decision. At dd´s birth the midwife made me feel bad about having an epidural, for example. Don´t overlook the obvious!

listen listen listen
and take everything seriously, even if it is a stupid question or one you have been asked a million times
and if she has unusual antibodies, don't say "never heard of that one, still if it was very dangerous, they would tell us", cos that mum will run to internet in blind panic!!!!

agree with everything so far - listening comes VERY high up, along with confidence and knowledge and a reassuring nature. Another thing I would add is being able to strike a balance between imparting knowledge, confidence and experience with never forgetting what it's like to be a first-time mum. One of the things that p'd me off was the laid-back way in which I was handled when I arrived at hospital - the undertone was "yeah, yeah, so you're having a few contractions, so what, go to sleep, send dh home for some sleep...we'll check you out in the morning" etc.

someone whos willing to support the mother and not give stupid answers but the truth someone who says yes i know it blooody hurts but at the same time reasure you that your doing great and how great it will be after the baby is born

Someone who is very sensitive to the woman giving birth and her wishes... I too loved the midwife who delivered dd (all of not even 4 weeks ago!).. so much so that I would like to stay in touch with her but she might think I was a little weird... I gave her a bunch of flowers before I left the hospital and have also sent her a thank you card which includes a photo of her we took holding dd... so I don't know how I can do more to show my appreciation of having exactly the birth I wanted (contrary to the first time round with ds). She also remained very calm which was calming!

Although I agree with everything about listening etc would also add that agood midwife will know when to tell you to do something as well. I was near to giving up in agony with ds my second and the midwife said very loudly "look at me you can do it now push and look at me". She was quite bossy and all my three births have been very different including a wonderful home birth but I think the ability to be strong when needed and gentle when needed are very important. Tailor to the individual!

Thanks very much all - enormous amounts of food for thought. Am still really excited at the thought of doing this although it sounds like you need to be an amazing person to be good at it. One midwife I had said that she often attended 3 births in a hospital shift - no wonder there are a lot of MWs leaving the profession - I found it hard to imagine dealing with that experience 3 times, going home and coming back the next day or night to do it all again! Just sent off for prospectuses so here goes.

Oh, I agree about the bossiness. Mine turned terribly bossy and bellowed at me not to push yet. She was absolutely right.

I think.

A real sense of confidence (ie bossyness!) You have to know what you want someone to do, and sometimes to do that you have to be a bit firm.

Not really sensitive. People can be incredibly rude to midwives, and you have to just let it roll off your back. Thats a lot harder than you think!

Flexibility. Shift work is not for everyone and it can be very very tiring. Doesn't sound like much, but I know quite a few nurses who still find it a very difficult element of their job.

Good luck!!

I didn't really like my midwife. She kept saying I wasnt pushing when I was, and when she stitched me up, she did wrong and too tightly. Just my luck