The things the books don't say!

[Mmolly2013]

I read quite a lot of pregnancy and labour books throughout pregnancy, went to NCT classes and talked with midwife frequently yet not one person told me about some of the issues I'd encounter after childbirth.

Firstly, a few days after the birth I thought great I've had a second degree tear that's healing so once that's healed I'll be fine. Nope

No one told me that the stinging when I pee would not be right away it took a few days to kick in (basically when the numbing in your fanjo goes away).

One week after birth I developed a really bad case of thrush ( I've had it once before in my life). I'm 6 weeks pp and the thrush has made itself at home it just won't go away.

Week three I randomly have developed a pile which I never had in pregnancy or any other time in my life (apparently it's down to pushing), so for the past few weeks I have been using anusol cream and using suppositories to help me, now after 2 weeks I am finally able to go to the loo without it feeling like passing glass.

Finally, referring to my actually fanjo, there is a big problem with air getting into it. I've all intentions of doing exercise and having sex again but I dont feel confident that my fanjo won't release air due to the fact I'm a big wider now which will be very embarrassing. I also was never told that 3/4 of women will have a mild bladder prolapse which will heal over the few months.but I can feel the bulge in the front part of me.

When the midwives tell you to do pelvic floors beforehand they never really go into detail as to why well if they had have told me it would actively help to stop the last issues I'd have done them every single day.

Only now 6 weeks on I feel things are healing the way they should but it took a few weeks of non stop new issues to feel this way. Anyone any other issues to add

Haha...can identify with much of that !

One of my issues for the first week after birth (although it appears to be better) was having literal uncontrollable wind ! It would come unexpectedly and loudly...there was no way I could stop it ! My kids and DH found it hilarious...not so great when visitors were round and I had to blame the baby .

I forgot about that, my partner made me laugh so much one day that it literally fell out I was so embarrassed. But he just laughed his head off at me

Ah the joys ... my pelvic floor was so destroyed by 10lb2oz DD & forceps delivery that I had no control over bowel movements for a couple of weeks. I got about a 20 second warning of needing to go. Sobbed uncontrollably for hours after not making it once
Did improve by itself but passing wind is still an issue ... Should maybe have done some exercises at some point in last 3.5 yrs. expecting DC2 now so it's maybe too late!

For me it was just how sore your fanjo would be after giving birth - I mean it is incredible how tender it is just sitting up in bed and getting comfortable. I had a few friends give me tips like taking arnica tablets, dabbing tea tree oil directly onto stitches and double pad layering for the tenderness - but not really telling me how bloody sore it was going to be! The day after I gave birth I also felt like my belly was going to fall on the floor without the baby holding it up anymore - I shuffled from my hospital bed to the loo holding the loss skin up! It felt so weird!!!!

3 weeks post birth here and I feel your pain, was induced, had a ventouse delivery, tear and episiotomy and I had no idea the recovery would be so long and hard, just as the stitches started being slightly less painful got horrible piles, and I still have a constant horrible dragging feeling when I walk like something's about to fall out, altho I have bladder control I no longer get the feeling I need to
Wee, I just have to remind myself to go every few hours. Everyone told me how painful labour is but noone ever mentioned the aftermath, I had no idea!

The afterpains. Pretty bad with DC1 but unbearable with DC2. I remember searching the house for a hot water bottle in the middle of the night competely unable to sleep when everyone even new baby were fast asleep. I dread it more than childbirth when we consider DC3!

Yep, the after pains were really intense for me too, lemon. I think they were described as 'mild cramping' in my pregnancy book. Hmm... more like 'intense and sickening' in my case! It made breastfeeding harder too because every feed made me cramp like crazy so I was getting shredding nipple pain and then those awful cramps all at once - grim...

Also I got really bad joint pain too, a weird achey feeling all over. I thought it was just tiredness but recently my yoga teacher mentioned that the relaxin hormone that peaks in pregnancy can be responsible for joint pain postpartum too as everything goes back to normal. The aches and pains I had lasted about six weeks so that made sense to me.

Completely agree lemontwist! My after pains were tortured with the first, even when I was head over heels in love with PFB. DC2, bonding wasn't there and all I could feel for days was the awful pain of pp contractions whenever he fed. Made worse by experienced midwife saying she'd never come across them before and I must have some kind of infection!
Now will mainline pain killers if brave enough to contemplate #3

Oh yes, the after pains! Also that every muscle in your body will ache for days after - I felt like I had done a massive work out at the gym, think it was the squatting and arm gripping in the pool!

Pethidine is rubbish and epidurals can fail, even if given in plenty of time. Gas and air by far the best drugs on offer IMO! Apart from the spinal block I finally got with the EMCS.

I was aware of the piles, stinging, stitches etc beforehand. Actually what came as a surprise was I didn't have all of them at the same time! From mumsnet and friends I thought this was always a huge onslaught rather than various bits happening over several days/weeks. I thought I'd be laid up in a hospital bed rather than leaking walking wounded.

I was extremely anxious about this pre birth. Turned out I was lucky enough to have very average "damage" down there so when I peed (for example) even with a 2nd degree tear (the angle of it is away from pee thankfully) I was OK with the old jug of water trick etc. But you just don't know pre birth.

What I didn't know was bleeding can taper off then return with a vengeance if you walk a lot or have a cluster feeding baby, so don't just have lighter towels keep some heavies.
Also after pains are like contractions!

If your stitches itch it often means they're knitting/healing so don't get scared by that, just show the mw. Another anxious moment!!

Also with pelvic floors- don't do loads of twitches and fewer long ones. Currently I can hold it in, but once I go it's like a horse!! No stopping!
Plus sometimes the signal I need to go is only obvious "later" in the process. I shan't be going anywhere with lonG loo lines for a while! Long clenches it is every morning noon n night!

Oh and no one told me everyone produces different amounts of oxytocin so some people (muggins here) go from nothing to intense 4cm dilated like off a drip in 1 1/2 hours!! Had I followed the ante natal time line pfb would have shot out in the car!
I agree with PP about the wonder of gas and air. With the warm pool it was a lifesaver as too late for any other pain relief when I got there!

This thread is making me very grateful for my lovely lovely section

I remember with DD1 I didn't pooh for a week and I used to wee in the bath as it was the only place it didn't hurt.

I'm weighing up a VBA2C so opposed to a third section. I think this thread might just have made my decision a bit easier... At least I know what the score is after a cesarean!

confused - i agree with the pethadine...i had heard great things - but it didn't work on me. Even the midwives apologised that it had no effect as "most women seem drunk/sleepy" but I was neither !

squizita - same here - i thought I would get all the symptons straight away so when I didn't I thought the whole post birth stories were greatly exaggerated ! But then gradually EVERY symptom hit me just when I thought I was safe......

SomeSunnySunday - I had a Vbac and although the recovery has been sore and uncomfortable...it was sooooo worth the euphoric feeling after I had my son. I felt like bloody Wonder Woman and still can't believe I actually pushed a baby out my fanjo (even though during transition I was screaming that I'd changed my mind and all I wanted was a csection) !!

That you need to make very sure that you do something to soften stools post birth. Eat dates or take drugs, whatever, I found the first post birth poo very traumatic!

I've ended up with quite bad tailbone pain, it clicks when I sit back! Need to have that referred on at my post natal check next week. It's made it bloody tricky to feed DS as every time I get in a position he likes I'm sat right on it!

When you go for a walk into town at 5 days post birth the egg sized blood clots that drop out when you come home aren't a sign you are dying! You've just hurried things on a bit with your activity!

I have to say though, I have found it all manageable. Gross at times, uncomfortable, but manageable.

I'd read only the scariest stories on line. I thought it would be unbearable.

Neither birth (which was bloody painful don't get me wrong) nor after birth have been unbearable.
Birth varies si much: some women have an easy one, some an "average" one with stitches but not too bad (like me) and for some it's more complex. But it seems you just cannot predict which you will be!!

Jaykay during transition I hissed at DH "Get back ... get away from my f**ING pool... I know your game you're trying to STEAL MY GAS AND AIR!!" The midwife and DH and my mum (2 birth partners) cracked up about this!

squizita Hahaha . It's so odd how your mind works in labour. I had a really bad (well textbook) transition - I went from being lovely and chatty to possessed in a matter of seconds !! The midwives kept telling me to change position, which was agony, so I decided they had a vendetta against me. My partner kept telling me how well I was doing and I was screaming "then tell them to stop picking on me !!" I actually kicked a midwife .
I later found out that my baby's cord was becoming constricted and his heartrate was dropping with contractions hence the moving around. My DP said I had actually been told this at the time but for some reason it didn't compute and the vendetta seemed more feasible.

I have no recollection of transition (or a fair but after it) as I was given pethadine at 6cm and then dialated to 10cm in less than an hour after being given it so I was like a drunken wreck for about 4 hours after that but I do remember that I kept apologising for screaming so loud and being so noisy and hard work, the midwife and DP kept assuring me I wasn't making any noise at all and it was the woman in the next room screaming that I could hear but I was sure they were just tryna be nice and that I was screaming top note haha

I also don't really know which bit was transition but I assume it's when I stood up and started staggering round the room, blood going everywhere, asking for an epidural :) they got me to calm down and lie down (and mopped up the floor) and soon after my grunting noises made them put on the plastic aprons! I did get my epidural in the end, 2 mins before my ventouse delivery, when I'd done the hard work!

The sheer physicality of labour. DD just popped out, but DS was harder work (although a very quick labour) and I felt like I had been run over by a train for a couple of days - I could barely sit up or turn over in bed as my stomach muscles hurt so badly.

The useless duty MW said I was having afterpains, but discussing it with the MW who delivered DS when she did a home visit she said it was muscle ache after the effort of delivery.

Also - that I could react quite differently to two births - DD I internalised all the pain and I barely made a noise. DS I was that woman, full on screaming, mooing - the works. I was in the delivery room next to reception and DH reckons I put the fear of god into any poor woman waiting to go onto the labour ward!

Oh one more... They say don't push/you won't get the urge to push till 10 cm. I kep thinking I should push a poo out, stronger and stronger, from contraction 1! I warned the mw and apologised for "doing it wrong".
She told me it's normal and lots of women who actively labour/ have a low baby/ quick labour have this urge. And that the baby wouldn't come out of my bum hole! But ante natal convinced me silly women get the push too early and the urge can be controlled. Balls! If bubs head it knockin' on the right spot no you can't! Feels like a poo urge first, then after transition you start to feel the baby move with each push.
The pain + relief is like the end of constipation poo X 100000000!!!!

When checking to see if you need any internal stitches, they will STICK THEIR FINGER UP YOUR BUM.