Early pregnancy and TERRIFIED of childbirth

[teachermummy2b]

I'm currently 6 weeks pregnant and have my first mw appointment in a couple of weeks. As title really, although I want this baby (and we were ttc) I am really and truly terrified of labour and birth. I always have been really, ever since I saw a birth video at school.

I am already waking up at night and crying thinking about it. It's hard to try and pin-point exactly what it is i'm afraid of - its the pain, and the feeling that I just wont be able to do it. I know, I know, it's what our bodies are designed for, women have been doing this for centuries etc etc. But none of that is making me feel any better.

Before I got pregnant I tried to console myself with the fact that I would definitely have an epidural as early as possible. However from what I can tell, my local hospital won't admit you until you are at the crowning stage and then tell you it's too late.

I know I need to speak to my mw about it but I feel like such a fool. Surely she will just laugh at me and tell me to grow up?

Any advice would be appreciated x

Another vote for natal hypnotherapy and Juju Sundins birth skills here.
I used the cd's and found that they allowed me a little calm reassurance each day, prepared me mentally for both the birth and post birth and eventually the nerves were forgotten. The book taught me some great pain management methods that really made a difference.

Every birth is different, I was lucky to have a quick and uncomplicated birth where I had spent the early stage relaxed at home and only a few hours of gas and air before dd arrived. I won't lie and say that it was pain free because it wasn't, but the pain was never overwhelming or scary.

Talking through your options with your midwife is a really positive place to start, just having someone you trust to discuss your fears is a real help.

There is plenty of time to help prepare yourself and plenty of people on here who will offer support and advice as needed x

I was so petrified of giving birth. I didn't attend any ante natal classes for fear of them scaring me even more. I pushed the actual labour to the back of my mind, dreading it, even having a few nightmares, worrying how I was ever going to get through it!
I went Overdue and didn't try to so anything to bring on labour, I didn't want to bring it on!
I'd always said epidural straight away.
Then the contractions stares and they weren't as bad as my brain had made me believe they would be.
I did ask for an epidural at one point but it all happened so quickly and within 3 hours of being at the hospital at 3cm, I had my baby girl with only gas and air. And it HONESTLY wasn't that bad.
The fear was so much worse, i'd built myself up so much, and it was never going to be as bad as my mind thought it would.
At the end of the day, you will be fine, it is worth it, and of course you'll be scared

Starting to be quite a theme on this thread but I must also say that I found Natal Hypnotherapy hugely helpful - you can do courses or one-to-ones but if your budget doesn't cover that you can do the CDs and they work really well. There is even one to accompany you during labour.

I had a doula at my daughter's birth and she stopped me form ever panicking when things felt intense.

Before I was pregnant I imagined birth to be the most agonising event of my life but it wasn't, honestly.

It sounds like it would be a great idea to talk honestly to your MW - and maybe also look into whether there is a positive birth group in your area, they are free and a mixture of birth professionals, expectant mums and new mums (maybe some dads, but haven't been at the ones I've been to)

The fact that you are addressing your fear and looking for ways to deal with it/ release it is the first big step. I always think that overcoming the fear of birth is one of the natural parts of pregnancy and preparing to be a mother - part of the rite of passage!

Congratulations on your pregnancy

xxx

Sorry, this wasn't showing on my active thread list.

I got support based on listening to what my concerns were; the main thing was them listening to what bothered me most and fitting in around me rather than me fitting around them. In my case the important thing was an ELCS and they understood the amount of time I had spent learning what my fear was about and could articulate it well (on paper rather than verbally) and knew I had looked into different options and the risks involved. In the case of other women they spend time discussing this part of it all first and help women to make those decisions based on their individual fears; in many cases although women might initially ask for an ELCS when they explore the elements of their fear they find that they would like a VB but ask for an ELCS because of the lack of support they feel they have or because they aren't aware of other solutions.

In my case, they offered various counselling which I didn't feel comfortable with. Instead they simply listened and spent time building up a relationship with me. I could have had more appointments with them than I actually had in the end but I felt happy with the extra ones I did have. They offered me 1 to 1 ante-natal classes (again I didn't take this as an option for various reasons). I had a tour of the post-natal ward and also theatre. They accommodated my need for DH to be with me (in theatre throughout including for aesthetic and afterwards over night).

I understand that they try and make different allowances for some women having a vb too. For example things like planned inductions, early epidurals if that is appropriate to the woman's fear. In essence care is women led rather than procedure led which is the fundamental problem with most maternity services in the UK (how many hospitals boast about their low CS rate? Which is fine but it is assumed that CS are bad and that all women want to avoid them, which is very wrong)

Strangely enough, the BBC have published this article this morning about the woeful state of mental health care for pregnant women. I find the economics quoted in the article interesting; the London School of Economics and the Centre for Mental Health said for all births in one year, there would be a long-term cost of more than £8bn stemming from mental health problems. (And the authors argue they have underestimated the cost.) To have a service that met minimum National Institute for Health and Care Excellence guidelines across the country they think it would be £337m a year. (I assume this would include any costs for ELCS done for mental health reasons which is covered by NICE and is an area which is being particularly squeezed).

Despite having an ELCS myself, I am very much of the opinion that ELCS are currently being seen as the only solution to the problem. In my case it was definitely just part of the issue. The main thing for me was actually being listened to and my fears being taken seriously. And of course that takes time more than anything else. One of the things that impressed me most about the hospital I went to was the mere fact they recognised this, and didn't push either a VB or an ELCS and there wasn't pressure or judgement about either route. The focus was purely on individualised care appropriate to whoever they were dealing with. I don't think I would have been as comfortable at a hospital which was heavily pro-ELCS as I think this also misses the point - everyone's fears are different and the key to dealing with them successfully is to understand those fears and how everyone has different priorities and needs in birth.

Hi Red, sorry I have only just seen this! Thanks so much for replying. Ive had my booking in appointment this week (although not with who will be regular mw) & I said that I was terrified. She has referred me to consultant for an unrelated issue and said I need to discuss my fears with them. She said that a c-section would be a possibility without me mentioning it, so for now im just relieved to have been taken seriously.
I think if I knew I would definitely be able to have an early epidural then this would possibly be an option - I just not sure I would trust them :(

That's a really positive start. Remember if you go down the ELCS route, you don't have to stick with it - you can change your mind at any time.

If you feel like that about an epidural then in your shoes I would ask about the possibly, but continue with the ELCS option for now, treating the ELCS as your safety net. Then seeing how you go with your ante-natal care and how they continue to treat you for anxiety. You may well feel able to trust them in a few months even if you feel like there is no chance of that right now. I never felt I could get to a place where I could but in the end they were all brilliant and took my fears seriously and I ended up able to.

In terms of getting an early epidural, one of the things I found was if you didn't voice how you felt or what you might consider then you wouldn't get it; and if you do, they can only say no.

I was surprised about how they were willing to accommodate certain requests if you had a valid reason for it or could make a good case for why it would benefit your health in someway. In your case, you could argue that an early epidural would be for a clinical need in order to help relieve your anxiety as well as your pain. And given they keen to reduce their ELCS rates its probably not unattractive to them to accommodate the request. My advice would be to get anything like this in writing to both reassure you, and to make it more difficult for them to suddenly change their mind. It also is reassuring to you, if you formally have something down on paper. (Remember this is the same as if you go for an ELCS too; for example, if you go into labour early or they are busy on the day you are booked for your ELCS then things can change and not go to plan)

As a matter of interest and to help you both explore your fear and to pre-empt the same conversation with a midwife, why do you feel confident with the prospect of an epidural? Why does it help relieve your fear? Is it pain, control, a combination or something different? The more you can articulate things well the easier it is to get the support that's best for you.

Before I became pregnant I used to have nightmares about being pregnant and therefor having to go through childbirth. DS was planned but I was still terrified, however really good ante natal classes, hypnobirthing CDs and a doula made it a really positive experience.

And another hypnobirthing advocate. - I went from having nightmares about birth to having two lovely home births, and feeling so utterly euphoric afterwards. Check out The Wise Hippo - it's another hypnobirthing programme, fairly contemporary and new. Teaches good techniques, and is really realistic about what you can expect. Good luck!

This time last year, I could have and actually think I did right a post very similar to yours!! I now have a 5 month old DS :-)

It's so so normal to feel like this and when you are ready do talk to your MW. My DH came with me to have this conversation and that really helped. My MW was fantastic. I got referred to a specialist MW at the hospital who wrote my birth plan with me and talked me through all of my options, she also referred me to a hypnobirthing course. TBh, it didn't do it for me BUT the breathing excercises were brilliant.

Please don't be afraid to talk about this OP, it's a genuine fear xx

I was terrified too and said I wanted all the drugs and laughed at a water birth - my babies popped out with no pain relief needed, DS in the water :)
Congrats on your pregnancy, best time of my life being pg with DC1.
P.s, for me the most terrifying bit of the whole thing was when they handed my DD to me all wrapped up like a burrito and told me I was going home!

I hear a lot about natal hypnotherapy. How much is this course/class?

For me, money is tight. Anxiety is high. From what I hear it's quite expensive

I felt the same way (and am also a teacher).

Don't listen to the epidural scare stories. I had my DS 18 weeks ago and when I went to the hospital in early labour to get checked I made it very clear I wanted the epidural as soon as I was in active labour. I went back to the hospital as soon as my waters broke and got the epidural straight away. My DS was back to back and my labour was hard & long for various reasons but the epidural made it bearable.

lizzy if you can't afford the course I'd strongly recommend just buying the book Effective a birth Preperation by Maggie Howell (behind Natal Hypnotherapy). I had the book free with the course booking and read it before, and it was a great read, calming me right down. The course just covered the book in a practical way and explored your personal birth plan.

Honestly, the book is such a good read. Then if you can afford, get the CDs.

Thank you GingerSkin I will have a look